D'Oh! or: Uncle P's "First World Problems" Weekend

"I Could Ride That Lip All the Way to Trenton!" ~ Uncle P's Mother

Once again, some links in this post may be NSFW.

So, last night... Uncle P spent 90+ minutes writing, researching and linking hilarious and informative links in a post which I failed to revert to draft, forcing me to re-log into Blogger and lose everything I had painstakingly worked on to give you, what few faithful readers I have, a few moments of weird entertainment. I wasn't happy, but it certainly wasn't the end of the world, nor the first time my own neglectfulness had led to such an issue.

Today, my sweet, thoughtful mother (who is nothing like the Gerald Scarfe illustration linked in the Pouty Picture's caption) presented me with an "Anti-Fathers' Day" present. And before all you Grammar Nazis question it, the apostrophe is used the way it should be used in this case, meaning all fathers, rather than just yours, which would be written as 'Father's.' (Can you tell I'm in a mood? Thought you might.) Anyway... In the wake of my previously mentioned BIL's greatly appreciated semi-decimation of my long-neglected backyard's overgrowth, the task of disposing over-sized nuisance flora left behind by his Herculean effort seemed nothing short of over-whelming to yours truly. Mom, in her infinite thoughtfulness, saw this set of ratcheting pruning shears on my sister's competition and ordered them (in blue), thinking they might save me time and effort

And boy, was she right. I tried them out almost right away and found that they cut through some rather tough branches with little effort and thinner ones with almost none at all. Like 'buttah.' The hand shears took on weeds, smaller shrubs, saplings and rose branches just as easily, once I figured out how to open the damned things (no instructions led to some consternation when it came to figuring out the safety lock). I honestly haven't been so pleased by a practical gift in a very long time. If you're looking for a gift for Dad; Mom; Dads; Moms or even if you're just a homeowner with an overgrown yard, I highly recommend them. They were purchased from the major home-shopping channel that is not located in the F state. And if that doesn't help, it starts with the same letter as one of my dearest friend's name.

Sadly, my joy over the amazing pruners was soon negated, once again by own stupidity. Plans had been made for Q, Dale, K and I to see Man of Steel at our central (i.e. default) AMC multiplex. In an effort to control my credit card spending, Uncle P chose not to buy tickets online, instead picking up K in time (or so I thought) to buy tickets once at the theater. For the first time in all my of memory, Uncle P was shut out of a sold-out movie. Of course, Q and Dale (like sane people) had pre-purchased their tickets on-line. After much texting and an actual phone call; malfunctioning automated ticket machines and an aborted attempt to buy tickets to another movie at the same time (thanks to the aforementioned MTMs) K and I went for a drink and then went home. I will have other chances to see Man of Steel this week, though there's nothing like seeing a movie with one's best friends. 

While I'm still hoping that Dear D, Mike and I will see This Is the End this week as well, I came home to find a friend had sent me a link the very Bromantic video embedded below, which actually made me feel a little better. What can I say, but 'Kiss Me, Guido?'

Yes, I know there are people who can barely feed their families, let alone afford to go to a movie. Yes, there are far worse things in the world than lost blog posts and sold-out movies. I'd like to think of myself as someone who not only has compassion and empathy for others (i.e. 'Not a Jerk'). I volunteer and do charity work. I smile at everyone (even those who refuse to smile back), though I don't suffer fools, easily. 

None of that means that I don't get to pout now and then, does it? I mean, I know plenty of folks who pout regularly (in fact, almost incessantly) on various forms of social media. Am I being a 'drama queen' tonight? Maybe. Churlish? Possibly. A 'White Whiner?" Perhaps. But who isn't, at least once a while? Damn! I really wanted to see some Cavill, tonight!

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Dear D / First World Problems / Friends / Gardening / Gay / Gifts / Home / Hot / Kissing / Movies / My BIL / My Mother / My Sister / Nonsense / NSFW / Pink Floyd / Ramblings / White Whines with the title Gifts. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/06/d-or-uncle-p-world-problems-weekend.html. Thanks!

Review: "Skyfall"

As a Bond fan since I was kid (damn, Connery was sexy), I have had my share of yeahs and nays among Bond portrayals. George Lazenby - no. Roger Moore - meh. Timothy Dalton - lame. Pierce Brosnan - maybe. Brosnan was by far the best choice since Connery, as far as I am concerned. 

Then they announced the newest Bond - Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. Like many Bond fans, I was initially up in arms about Craig's casting. How could this lemon-sucking, squinty-eyed, bulb-nosed blond play the sexiest spy in screen in history? I joined the haters and vowed not to see the 2006 movie. But then the pictures of Craig in that blue bathing suit came out. And then the mostly excellent movie came out and almost all was forgiven. Of course, it helped that the movie was the best Bond film since the Connery era. Then came 2008's Quantum of Solace. The plot made as much sense as the title (granted, it was developed during the 2007-2008 Writers' Strike) and I lost faith in both Craig and the franchise. What a mess of a movie. Worse than even the worst of the Moore Bond movies, Quantum had me ready to give up on filmdom's longest-running franchise altogether.

Today, D and I finally got together for the holidays and saw a matinee of the latest in the 50-year old series, Skyfall, before exchanging our holiday gifts (more on those in a moment). And I am happy to report that director Sam Mendes (American Beauty; Revolutionary Road) has finally managed to create an exciting, entertaining and narratively sensical Bond movie.

Presumed dead after falling from a train in Turkey, Bond returns to MI6 after a terrorist attack kills six agents and destroys M's (Dame Judi Dench) office. Following a trail of murder, money and babes, Bond is eventually captured by the villain Silva (Javier Bardem). Thanks to the new Q (Cloud Atlas cutie Ben Wishaw), Silva is captured (after a rather homoerotically charged encounter with Bond) and it is revealed that Silva is actually a former MI6 agent intent on taking revenge on M because... well, see it for yourselves. When Silva escapes (via a rather contrived plot device), Bond takes M to his childhood home for safe-keeping and a final confrontation with Silva and his henchmen. Along the way, bad guys are eaten by Komodo dragons; exotic weapons are employed and beautiful women are used and abused by both good and bad guys. 

Craig, as a very stoic and far-less wise-cracking Bond, spends much of the first half of the movie half-naked, satisfying a good 2/3 of the audience while still managing to create the rather tortured Bond of Ian Fleming's novels. Bardem (his hair and eyebrows bleached, adding an extra-creepiness to his bug-eyed, lop-sided nose visage) is perfect and the always wonderful Dench gets lots more screen time than usual. Add Ralph Fiennes as the less-uptight-prig-than-he-seems MI6 administrator; the gorgeous Naomie Harris as Moneypenny and the (surprisingly still-alive) Albert Finney as an aging Bond family ally, and you end up with what is probably the best Bond film of the last 20 years.

As with every Bond film, the plot devises; action and sex scenes are ridiculous on the surface. But they are all redeemed by some terrific performances and a plot which actually makes sense for a change. D and I both enjoyed this latest entry entry in the franchise, though we differed on whether it was better than the last two films. I said it was, while he he thought it wasn't as good as Casino Royale. *** (Three Out of Four Stars).

As for our Holiday get-together, D gave me one of my favorite gifts this year:

I so love that those I love and those who love me, know me so well!

I am torn between displaying this gem at home or the Day Job. The folks at the Day Job already think I'm insane, while those who know me best know so.

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Dear D / Gifts / Holidays / James Bond / Movies / Reviews with the title Gifts. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/01/review.html. Thanks!

Dinner, Gifts and Time with Dear Friends.

(Not Uncle P's Meatballs)

So... last Saturday's snow/rain/sleet storm prevented Uncle P from having a holiday dinner and gift exchange with some of my oldest and dearest friends, with whom I get together every few months for a culinary experiment. This time we weren't taking any chances, but planned a simple and traditional Italian meal of lasagna and meatballs. Luckily, both freeze well and we were able to reschedule for tonight.

Mary's lasagna was just delicious and 17 of Uncle P's 18 rustic meatballs marinara were consumed by the seven of us. Of course, Q's delightful salad with thick, sweet Black Walnut Balsamic and Deb's amazing red velvet cupcakes made it a rather amazing meal. 

After dinner, those of us who hadn't already done so, finally got to exchange our Holiday gifts (I loved everything I got). Of course, as always with this particular group of friends (most of whom I've known for well-over 30 years), the meal and gifts are a far distant second to spending time together. Spending time with these six very dear friends (and a few others) helps make the mendacity of everyday life less so. I hope you have some equally amazing people in your life who make it better just by being a part of it.

Tomorrow I will be having my last gift exchange of the season, when Dear D and I meet for a matinee showing of Skyfall (which I'll be reviewing tomorrow night), followed immediately by drinks and yet more gifts.

I hope your weekend is as good as mine has been (and promises to continue to be). I'll try and recreate my aborted "American Horror Story" post from last night on Monday, unless something else catches my attention between now and then.

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Cooking / Cupcakes / Dear D / Dinners / Food / Friends / Gifts / Holidays / Italian / Lasagna / Meatballs with the title Gifts. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/01/dinner-gifts-and-time-with-dear-friends.html. Thanks!

Martinis Are Like Breasts...

Mutant Boob Fantasies Are for Str8 Boys

Many years ago, a straight friend told me: "Martinis are like breasts: One isn't enough and three are two many." Personally, I love a good Sapphire martini: dry; up; no fruit. And three are just enough, thank you.

Now, despite the rumors. not all gay men like breasts. Many of us, Uncle P included,  prefer well-defined, fuzzy male pectorals and abs, instead (TMI?).

The same rule does not apply to gifts, though. I am assuming that the popular Amazon Wish List is responsible for me receiving three of the same Christmas gifts from three different friends. And while I am not about to reveal who those friends are or what the gift is, I will say that I certainly appreciate the thought from all three of them. And to be totally fair, I put all three behind my back and shuffled them, then did "eenie-meenie-miney-moe" to choose which one I would keep and which two I would return.

Of course, this means I have three friends who care enough about me to check my Amazon Wish List and buy something from it. It also means I have three friends who know me well enough to know which item on my Amazon Wish List would make me the happiest to receive. And all three of these folks are people about whom I care very much and I would never hurt their feelings by telling them that they had bought me the same gift. Not that any of them would mind, actually -- still, etiquette must prevail. 

Thank you, all three of you, for caring. I hope none of you are offended by my exchanging your gift. You all made me happy to know you care. I'll let you know what you got me instead, as soon as I get to the mall.

More, anon.
Prospero

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These Were a Few of My Favorite Things

"You Can Put Your Weed in It"

My friends and family know me so well. The image to your left is of the very Steampunk Trinket Box given to me by Q, K and Dale, along with  a brain-shaped ice-cube tray and a set of Farm Animal Butt Magnets. Other than making me laugh, the ice tray and magnets had nothing to do with the very cool trinket box (it has a compass on the lid!). I still love them all.

Of course, my sister was just as successful in her Holiday plotting. Along with her annual Jack Skellington T-shirt. my sister sent me a Box-O'-Zombie stuff which included a metal Zombie Warning Sign; two different Zombie decals; a "Zombie On Board" magnet and an "I Heart Zombies" keychain. She also sent along a "Box of Boogers" gummies; an AMC gift card and a super-insulated Batman tumbler.

Sis Knows Me Well

I really love how the colors of her three very different gifts go so well together in that picture of them beneath my tiny tree and atop my cable box and D's Christmas gift. I also got a terrific set of Skullcandy earbuds; a car charger for my Smartphone; lots of much-needed new socks and underwear; an outstanding sonic toothbrush; a pair of extendable, bendable, magnetic LED flashlights and 3 jars of the most delicious mixed nuts and dried fruit I've ever tasted. 

And while I mostly bought it for Mom, the big hit this year was the new Keurig Platinum coffee maker (which I got for a deal I couldn't pass up). Mom loves how fast and easy it is. I also bought it for myself, so I don't have to clean four separate elements of a self-grinding coffee-maker every night. Initially disappointed that my sister didn't send her usual 5 Lb bag of coffee beans, Mom quickly got over it when she finally opened the K-Cups Sis sent, instead.

I still have at least two gift exchanges to go (hopefully the weather will cooperate this coming Saturday) and D and I will get to see a matinee and exchange before I have to go back to the Day Job.

The holidays for me are always much more about giving, though I am always thrilled when my friends and family know me well enough to give me stuff is both useful and makes me laugh.

Happily, no one I know got either of these, this year:

What were your favorite holiday gifts this year?

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Christmas / Gifts / Jack Skellington / Jimmy Kimmel / Nonsense / Presents / Steam Punk / Toys / Zombies with the title Gifts. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/12/these-were-few-of-my-favorite-things.html. Thanks!

Wrap-a-Thon

I will be spending this evening wrapping and bagging gifts, rather than doing a full post. 

I went overboard, as usual. But that's my mother's and grandmother's faults. They were always overly-generous at Christmas, often just to get my father's Grinchy goat. A child of the depression who was glad to get an orange and some walnuts in his stocking, it drove him crazy to see such indulgence. My sister and I thought everyone had such extravagant Christmases and were often dismayed to see some of our friends' more austere holidays, wondering how bad they had to have been to deserve so little. My mother's mother was a character and she loved spoiling me and my sister. I carry on that tradition, mostly to spoil my mother back. Her health isn't the best and none of us knows how many Christmases we have left. I had a good year for overtime, so why not splurge? 

As in the picture above, my gifts are usually color-coordinated and decorated, but I cheat and use pre-made bows. I can arrange flowers and planters; skyline a display shelf; color coordinate without using swatches and even throw together a centerpiece using a candle, some greens, twigs and pine cones scavenged from my own backyard, but I'll be damned if I can tie a decent bow to save my life. 

The lady in this video does pretty much everything I do though I do the ends differently (I fold the sides in first). I do "finger press" or crease the edges. Of course, this is only useful for square or rectangular packages. Odd shapes and sizes may require some creative solutions, or even a gift bag.

Are you done wrapping?

More, anon.
Prospero.

You have read this article Christmas / Gift Wrap / Gifts / Holidays / Nonsense / Presents with the title Gifts. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/12/wrap-thon.html. Thanks!

Love You, Mom!

Now Playing in Limited Release

We'll talk about Rebecca De Mornay's on screen parenting history and Darren Lynn Bousman's re-imagining  of Charles Kaufman's 1980 'classic' (and I use the term loosely here) in a moment. I promise. It's not like I've seen it or anything, so cool your jets, okay?

"Cool your jets" was something my mother used to say to my sister and I when we got too excited or worked up about something. I don't know how well it worked, but she said it. A lot.  These days, Mom says plenty of amusing things - her malapropisms, Spoonerisms and downright mispronunciations are often quite hilarious (luckily to both of us).  Mom wanted nothing more than to be a mother. She still gets all weepy and adoring at the sight of a cute baby (young "Raising Hope" stars Baylee and Rylee Cregut are among her -- and I must admit, my -- current favs). 

Mom's also a very girly-girl mom. You all know what I mean. She loves girly things: butterflies; wind chimes; bird-feeders; flowers; kittens; diamonds... Not that boys can't or shouldn't love those things... (What the hell did I just start there? I didn't mean to start anything. -- Shut up, Bri! You're just making it worse! Oh, crap!)

Anyway - After a delicious brunch of homemade, stuffed challa bread French toast this mid-morning, Mom opened her gifts from me. She got a stained-glass butterfly chime; a 3D butterfly bookmark and... because she had asked for it for Christmas but didn't get it, two paint-by-number kits: a cat curled up on a bookshelf and finches among hyacinths. She's worried they'll be too complicated for her, bu if she takes her time, I'm sure they'll be beautiful. And of course, even if they're not, I'll tell her they are.

My mother tells me that there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't miss her own mother, who passed away in 1983. I know that one day I'll know what that feels like but until then, I'll just be glad she's here to tell her how much I love and appreciate her and give her presents. I know lots of folks who aren't close to their moms, and that makes me sad. If your mom is still with you, count your blessings and tell her you love her. You won't be able to one day.

And now once again I find myself segueing from at least sort of sad to silly. So here goes:

Rebecca De Mornay first caught audiences' attention as the train-loving prostitute Lana opposite Tom Cruise in his star-making role in the 1983 teen sex comedy Risky Business.She did several things after that, but it wasn't until 1992's The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, in which she played an evil, scheming nanny, that we really got to see her chew some scenery. She played Wendy in the TV version of The Shining and did plenty of TV shows. And now she's back on the big screen in a movie that was origanlly scheduled for release in 2010, Mother's Day. In the 1980 original, two-backwoods loons (Fredrick Coffin and Michael McCleery) brought sluts home for their elderly mother (Beatrice Pons) to mete out punishment. In the new version, De Mornay plays Mother Koffin (sound familiar?), who returns to the home she once owned with her boys in tow, ready to wreak havoc on slutty teens, once again. Reviews for the film have been spotty, at best, though most critics are quite complimentary to De Mornay and can't help but compare Mother Koffin to Peyton Flanders from ...Cradle. I like that De Morney, while never a huge star, sill manages to fly under the radar while garnering excellent reviews for her performances. As a character actor myself, I get it. It's great to play all these wonderfully diverse and ofetn eccentric roles, but it's even better when you can steal the whole thing for yourself.

Mother's Day is currently playing in limited release. As soon as this boy in the sticks gets the chance to see it, I'll be reviewing it.

And yes, that is Iceman, cutie Shawn Ashmore as one of Mama's boys.

Here's the trailer for Kaufman's original:



More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Gifts / Holidays / Horror / Mothers' Day / Movies / My Mother / My Sister / Remakes / Sick / Trailers with the title Gifts. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/05/love-you-mom.html. Thanks!

Wrap-A-Thon Tonight

I am very behind in my holiday preparations this year and will spend much of the night wrapping presents that will be opened tomorrow night, hence the earlier-than-usual post today.

I take great pride in my holiday packages. I always make sure the ribbons, bows, paper and tags are all coordinated, my edges are sharp, the ends folded over and the corners are nice and tight. And I try to make sure they create a pretty display under the tree.

This year, I have decided to not do that at all. I have so many rolls of left-over paper from who knows how many years, that I am going to wrap every present in a different paper and just have a riot of color and patterns. And while I do have a couple dozen gifts to wrap, this will hardly put a dent in all that paper. Maybe I'll do the same thing next year, too. It will probably save me a bundle on wrapping paper for a while. And it'll be just a little bit 'green.' 

I also wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who, both here and on Facebook, gave such wonderful advice on yesterday's post. It's good to know that so many folks care. Thankfully, I won't have to really deal with the issue until after the holidays. I'll be sure to let you know what happens.

If I don't get the chance to do so before, please allow me to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa and/or whatever holiday you celebrate at this time of year. Thanks for reading me. And thanks for your comments. You should all know by now how much I love hearing from you.

Anyway, here's my early Christmas present to all of you; a funny bit-o-nonsense starring Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes. Enjoy:

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Christmas / Gift Wrap / Gifts / Holiday Movies / Holidays / Nonsense with the title Gifts. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2011/12/wrap-thon-tonight.html. Thanks!