Netflix Revew: "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked"

I suppose a preface of sort is required here. For the past 10 years or so, my rock, K has spent Christmas Eve with Mom and myself. In a beautiful post on Facebook, K expressed how she was going to miss those weird and wonderful nights now that Mom was gone. And since I'll be at my sister's for Christmas Eve this year (something already passed by the time this post is published - how freaky is that?), I proposed that we have a Christmas Eve Eve with many of the traditions we've shared for so long. We were joined by our sweet, funny, weird, wonderful and adorable friend Michael for a lovely candle-lit night of good food, good drink and very good company. Honestly, everyone should be so lucky to have friends like mine - I love and thank them so much. 

Anyway... after dinner we decided to search Netflix for something to entertain us. K and Micheal searched through my personal list, which includes lots of movies only I (and a few of you... Pax...) would appreciate. And after an unabashedly intoxicated K had issues with the WiiMote, I took over, asking what they wanted to see. "Something funny!" they both said. So I went to the list of movies suggested because I'd watched Tucker and Dale vs Evil. I skipped along the menu until I hit upon a title that made me laugh and chose it, saying "If it sucks, we'll change it!" That title was Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. Starring "Castle" regular Molly Quinn as Gretel; the Twilight movies' Michael Welch as Hansel and a frighteningly over-surgeried and an almost unrecognizable Lara Flynn Boyle as a the immortal Bavarian-Nazi-Cannibal-Witch, Agnes who grows and sells enchanted dope to unsuspecting teens. Not surprisingly, the ingestion of those teens' flesh help both restore and maintain Agnes' youth.

Writer/Actor David Tillman's script is just clever enough to keep our interest, amusingly referencing  the story we all know and aided by costume designer Elizabeth Jett's very decidedly Tyrolean-inspired outfits for Ms Quinn. Add plenty of gross-out moments and hilarious puns (Agnes starts out as literally a 'Little Old Lady from Pasadena'), and Hansel & Gretel Get Baked ends up being a very funny modern take on the story via Cheech and Chong, where Skittles serve as breadcrumbs and hot young guys get slathered in herbed butter while strapped to a mortician's gurney. Cary Elwes makes a cameo as the Meter Man while a slew of other character actors you will recognize from every procedural TV show from the last 20 years crop up in other supporting roles.

Not everything works perfectly (Boyle's age makeups aren't quite convincing, though I suspect that may have more to do with her tragic cosmetic surgeries, than anything else). And some of the CGI FX (especially in the denouement) are a bit forced. But if you're looking for a funny, gory and gruesome distraction from all the Holiday nonsense you've been forced to endure in the past month or so, you could do certainly do worse than Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. I would definitely recommend it over the Big Studio crapfest that was Hansel &Gretel: Witch Hunters.

Screened at this year's Tribecca Film Festival, Hansel & Gretel Get Baked is currently available on Netflix and DVD. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out of Four Stars). Rated 'R' for Violence, Gore, Drug Use and Language, it was exactly what the three of us needed, even if K covered her eyes during the gory bits.

More, anon..
Prospero

You have read this article Christmas Eve Eve / Friends / Gross / Holidays / Horror / Horror Comedy / K / Michael / Movies / Netflicks / Reviews / Silly / Traditions with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/12/netflix-revew-gretel-get-baked.html. Thanks!

D'Oh! or: Uncle P's "First World Problems" Weekend

"I Could Ride That Lip All the Way to Trenton!" ~ Uncle P's Mother

Once again, some links in this post may be NSFW.

So, last night... Uncle P spent 90+ minutes writing, researching and linking hilarious and informative links in a post which I failed to revert to draft, forcing me to re-log into Blogger and lose everything I had painstakingly worked on to give you, what few faithful readers I have, a few moments of weird entertainment. I wasn't happy, but it certainly wasn't the end of the world, nor the first time my own neglectfulness had led to such an issue.

Today, my sweet, thoughtful mother (who is nothing like the Gerald Scarfe illustration linked in the Pouty Picture's caption) presented me with an "Anti-Fathers' Day" present. And before all you Grammar Nazis question it, the apostrophe is used the way it should be used in this case, meaning all fathers, rather than just yours, which would be written as 'Father's.' (Can you tell I'm in a mood? Thought you might.) Anyway... In the wake of my previously mentioned BIL's greatly appreciated semi-decimation of my long-neglected backyard's overgrowth, the task of disposing over-sized nuisance flora left behind by his Herculean effort seemed nothing short of over-whelming to yours truly. Mom, in her infinite thoughtfulness, saw this set of ratcheting pruning shears on my sister's competition and ordered them (in blue), thinking they might save me time and effort

And boy, was she right. I tried them out almost right away and found that they cut through some rather tough branches with little effort and thinner ones with almost none at all. Like 'buttah.' The hand shears took on weeds, smaller shrubs, saplings and rose branches just as easily, once I figured out how to open the damned things (no instructions led to some consternation when it came to figuring out the safety lock). I honestly haven't been so pleased by a practical gift in a very long time. If you're looking for a gift for Dad; Mom; Dads; Moms or even if you're just a homeowner with an overgrown yard, I highly recommend them. They were purchased from the major home-shopping channel that is not located in the F state. And if that doesn't help, it starts with the same letter as one of my dearest friend's name.

Sadly, my joy over the amazing pruners was soon negated, once again by own stupidity. Plans had been made for Q, Dale, K and I to see Man of Steel at our central (i.e. default) AMC multiplex. In an effort to control my credit card spending, Uncle P chose not to buy tickets online, instead picking up K in time (or so I thought) to buy tickets once at the theater. For the first time in all my of memory, Uncle P was shut out of a sold-out movie. Of course, Q and Dale (like sane people) had pre-purchased their tickets on-line. After much texting and an actual phone call; malfunctioning automated ticket machines and an aborted attempt to buy tickets to another movie at the same time (thanks to the aforementioned MTMs) K and I went for a drink and then went home. I will have other chances to see Man of Steel this week, though there's nothing like seeing a movie with one's best friends. 

While I'm still hoping that Dear D, Mike and I will see This Is the End this week as well, I came home to find a friend had sent me a link the very Bromantic video embedded below, which actually made me feel a little better. What can I say, but 'Kiss Me, Guido?'

Yes, I know there are people who can barely feed their families, let alone afford to go to a movie. Yes, there are far worse things in the world than lost blog posts and sold-out movies. I'd like to think of myself as someone who not only has compassion and empathy for others (i.e. 'Not a Jerk'). I volunteer and do charity work. I smile at everyone (even those who refuse to smile back), though I don't suffer fools, easily. 

None of that means that I don't get to pout now and then, does it? I mean, I know plenty of folks who pout regularly (in fact, almost incessantly) on various forms of social media. Am I being a 'drama queen' tonight? Maybe. Churlish? Possibly. A 'White Whiner?" Perhaps. But who isn't, at least once a while? Damn! I really wanted to see some Cavill, tonight!

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Dear D / First World Problems / Friends / Gardening / Gay / Gifts / Home / Hot / Kissing / Movies / My BIL / My Mother / My Sister / Nonsense / NSFW / Pink Floyd / Ramblings / White Whines with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/06/d-or-uncle-p-world-problems-weekend.html. Thanks!

Totally Torn

A few of you may be surprised to learn that Uncle P was a Scout. I started out as a Cub Scout in my local troop where my mother (bless her heart) was our Den Mother. I moved onto Webelo (don't even go there) and eventually Boy Scout. 

I quit scouting after a disastrous camping trip which involved torrential rain, flooding and some horrific bullying by other scouts in my troop.

It wouldn't be until college that I rediscovered the joys of camping (there were several trips with many dear friends, all of which are stories for another time). My last long-term BF, Ric, was an Eagle Scout (after high school, he hiked the Appalachian Trail alone) and often wore his uniform to gay clubs in protest of the BSA's anti-gay policies, as early as the late 90's (is it too much to say that it was little tight and a lot sexy?). Our last trip together was camping in Provincetown over an intensely hot and humid 4th of July weekend. But that really has little to do with this post.

Here's my dilemma: My Godson* is about to be rewarded the Honor of Eagle Scout on June 1st. I've already told his mother (another dear friend from college) that I am torn about being invited to attended J's Award Ceremony and she completely understands. While I am very proud of J for having made it to a level few scouts achieve, I can't help but feel that attending the ceremony would be hypocritical on my part. Can a gay former scout really approve of an award from an organization which continues to promote exclusion based on sexual orientation? 

The BSA recently announced a plan to allow openly gay Scouts, but not openly gay Scout Leaders. Really? So it's okay to be gay until you're 18? I don't get it. And neither do hundreds of thousands of gay scouts who want to participate, but can't once they're old enough to vote and serve in the military. Of course, serving in the military while openly gay is now allowed. If it's good enough for the U.S. Armed Forces, why isn't it good enough for the BSA? Talk about mixed messages.

Yes, the BSA was founded on 'Christian' principles. But that was one hundred and thirteen years ago! While most of the country has moved on, the BSA seems to be firmly rooted in the past. Even most Christians have progressed since 1910. Think there weren't gay scouts before now? Guess again. 

Here's the thing: While I will certainly be buying my Godson a gift to celebrate his achievement, I cannot in good conscience attend his award ceremony. And that just makes me sad.

*And yes, I totally see the irony in an atheist having a Godson. It's an honorific. Get over it. I have.

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Boy Scouts / Friends / Gay / Homophobia / My Godson / Sad / The Gayest Thing with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/05/totally-torn.html. Thanks!

Philadelphia

Honestly... Not the Best Sandwich in America

Yesterday was K's birthday. She's 3 2 years older than Uncle P, but just like me, acts 10 (or more) years younger. Today, our two other BFFs (Q and Dale) treated K to a day in Center City Philadelphia, starting with a visit to the Reading Terminal Market and a stop at Tommy DiNic's for an Italian Pork Sandwich with Kohlrabi broccolirabe (voted 'Best Sandwich in America' by Travel Channel's cute bear Adam Richman). Yes, the roast pork was delicious, but the kohlrabi broccolirabe was cooked with some rather intense garlic, which made the sandwich a bit too garlickly to be actually good. I saved half and will remove most of the kohlrabi broccolirabe before I eat the rest. Truth be told, I've had a better sandwich at any number of more local places.

We wandered about the very crowded market for another hour or so and I ended up buying some delicious local cheese; a jar of seedless blackberry jam; an amazingly delicious black cherry balsamic vinegar and a homeopathic remedy for my poor mother's increasingly painful night leg cramps. I also got to taste a sample of an astoundingly delicious Maple/Bacon cupcake, which found both Dale and myself in foodie heaven.

Afterwards, we made out way to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, which I haven't visited in a very long time. We wandered about the first floor which houses the museum's collection of Modern Art (much of which confounded K - and some of which confounded Uncle P) and then made our way up to the second floor. There we found some amazing and intricate Renaissance and early Dutch; English and American art and furniture. Nearly exhausted from all the walking, eating and carrying-on, we made our way home having spent a day with people we love very much... and that's what really mattered in the end. 

Between last night's rather wonderful date and today's visit to the very nearby Cradle of American Democracy, this weekend has proven to be one I will remember for quite some to come. Of course, tomorrow will involve involve bill-paying, grocery shopping, house cleaning and laundry... a bit of a let-down from what's come before. But I'm not complaining.

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Art / Delicious / Food / Friends / Fun / Happy / Joy / Museums / Philadelphia / Weekends with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/02/philadelphia.html. Thanks!

Dinner, Gifts and Time with Dear Friends.

(Not Uncle P's Meatballs)

So... last Saturday's snow/rain/sleet storm prevented Uncle P from having a holiday dinner and gift exchange with some of my oldest and dearest friends, with whom I get together every few months for a culinary experiment. This time we weren't taking any chances, but planned a simple and traditional Italian meal of lasagna and meatballs. Luckily, both freeze well and we were able to reschedule for tonight.

Mary's lasagna was just delicious and 17 of Uncle P's 18 rustic meatballs marinara were consumed by the seven of us. Of course, Q's delightful salad with thick, sweet Black Walnut Balsamic and Deb's amazing red velvet cupcakes made it a rather amazing meal. 

After dinner, those of us who hadn't already done so, finally got to exchange our Holiday gifts (I loved everything I got). Of course, as always with this particular group of friends (most of whom I've known for well-over 30 years), the meal and gifts are a far distant second to spending time together. Spending time with these six very dear friends (and a few others) helps make the mendacity of everyday life less so. I hope you have some equally amazing people in your life who make it better just by being a part of it.

Tomorrow I will be having my last gift exchange of the season, when Dear D and I meet for a matinee showing of Skyfall (which I'll be reviewing tomorrow night), followed immediately by drinks and yet more gifts.

I hope your weekend is as good as mine has been (and promises to continue to be). I'll try and recreate my aborted "American Horror Story" post from last night on Monday, unless something else catches my attention between now and then.

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Cooking / Cupcakes / Dear D / Dinners / Food / Friends / Gifts / Holidays / Italian / Lasagna / Meatballs with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/01/dinner-gifts-and-time-with-dear-friends.html. Thanks!

In Memoriam

My Sweet Friend, Bill

I met Bill in 1996. We were in group therapy together for just about a year. After most of us in the group had gone our separate ways, Bill and I remained friends. We met occasionally for a drink or dinner, caught a movie or just hung out.

Eventually, he moved out of the area and we lost touch for a while. Then, about two years ago, I got a Facebook friend request from him and we picked up right where we left off. We reunited when he came to see some show I had directed and it was  like we'd never been apart.

Bill was smart and funny and gentle and oh, so kind. At 6' 3", he was a "gentle giant." He loved Swedish pop music and singing show tunes at The Raven, a local gay bar in New Hope, PA. He came to see just about every show I directed or was in and we kept promising we'd get together again, just the two of two us. We often commented on each other's Facebook posts and he left comments here on the Revenge. Earlier this month he emailed me to tell me he'd bought his tickets to Hairspray and that he was very excited to see the show. And then I didn't hear from him for a while.

So last night, after posting here, I went to his Facebook wall and wrote: "Where have you been? I miss your snarky comments." Then I scrolled down to find messages from his other friends. "Miss you, Bill!" "My heart is broken." "I can't believe you're gone."

What?!?!?!

I couldn't believe what I was reading. Apparently, Bill had passed from a massive heart attack two weeks ago at the young age of 47. Bill smoked maybe one or two cigarettes a month, bumming them when a craving hit. He drank, but not excessively. He didn't use drugs and was hardly obese. 

Needless to say, I was devastated. I think I cried for an hour. How was it possible that this smart, funny, gentle and oh, so kind human being was no longer with us, at 47? I am still in shock.

Losing someone you care about is terrible, though it does put some things in perspective. We're not guaranteed tomorrow, folks. Life is a fragile thing. Don't take those you love for granted. Tell the people you love that you love them and do so often. You never know when they (or you) will be gone.

This is for you, Bill. I love you and I'll miss you more than you can know.

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Death / Friends / In Memoriam / Mourning / Personal / Philosophy with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/03/in-memoriam.html. Thanks!

Finally In The Mood

Well, despite the monsters lurking amongst us, I finally feel it is the Christmas season. Temperatures have dropped and tonight I wrapped the gifts that I am shipping down to my sister and brother-in-law in Florida. 

It's not as much as I would like to or even usually send, but it's been a tough year for everyone. I'm spending less all around, this year. And the older we get, the harder it is to find the perfect gift (though I do pride myself on my gift-choosing skills). No one has ever looked at a gift I've given them and said "What the hell is this?" I can't always say the same about some of the gifts I've received. 

Of course, the gifts aren't really the point. 

For me, Christmas has always been about celebrating the love between family and friends. And as I've said repeatedly, I feel so very blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. I can't imagine how empty my life would be without them. They make me laugh (and sometimes cry). They bring me joy (and sometimes sorrow). They offer ears to listen, shoulders to cry on and hands to lift me up. They go along with my crazy schemes; they perform for and with me; they accompany me to the movies and the theatre; they keep my secrets and share theirs; they know me as well as I know them. 

So, while religious Christians celebrate Christmas as the birth of their spiritual savior, I celebrate my many spiritual saviors - the folks I love and who love me in return. So let me wish you all an early Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Good Solstice and the best in the coming New Year.

Oh - and here's the Gayest Holiday Thing You'll See This Week:

By the way - for those who find offense at the use of "Xmas," you should know that the 'X' in "Xmas" comes from the first letter of the Greek word for 'Christ.' Y'all need to get over that, already.

More, anon.

Prospero

You have read this article Christmas / Family / Friends / Gift Wrap / Gifts / Holidays / Ramblings / The Gayest Thing with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2011/12/finally-in-mood.html. Thanks!

We Open This Friday

The James Tolin Memorial Fund's Winter Event featuring Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" opens this Friday and things are going well.

Unlike our annual Summer Event, which usually features a show with adult themes and language, our Winter Event is a family friendly blast from the past. Audiences travel back in time to the 1940's where they get to see a live 'radio broadcast' with a small cast playing multiple roles and a live Foley (sound effects) crew.

This year, eight actors (including Uncle P: D; Q; K; Matty and Maddie) are taking on 45 roles in the adaptation by Anthony Palermo at the Kelsey Theatre in West Windsor, NJ. Proceeds from our Winter Event both help defray the costs of our Summer Event (which benefits multiple charities) and benefit The Trevor Project, a crisis intervention and suicide prevention hotline for LGBT and questioning youth.

Performances are Friday, December 2nd at 8:00 PM; Saturday, December 3rd at 2:00 and 8:00 PM and Sunday, December 4th at 2:00 PM. Tickets are $14 - $18 and can be purchased online at www.kelseyatmccc.org, by phone at 609-570-3333 or at the Kelsey Box Office starting one hour before curtain. If you can't attend, but would like to help, you can make a secure donation via PayPal at our website: www.jtmf.org, where you also find additional information about who we are, what we do, why we do it and the charities we support.

But honestly, we would rather see you there! Shameless self-promotion now ended. We'll return to our regularly scheduled nonsense, soon.

More, anon.

Prospero

You have read this article Charities / Dear D / Friends / JTMF / LGBT / Shameless Self-Promotion / Theatre with the title Friends. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2011/11/we-open-this-friday.html. Thanks!