Not All Swedes Are Blond, Norse Giants

Alexander Skarsgard

Ask a straight man 'of a certain age' to name a hot Swede and he might answer "Elke Sommer." Ask a gay man of almost any age the same the question, and he'll almost certainly answer "Alexander Skarsgard," probably best known for his role as a sexy vampire on HBO's "True Blood." And while I can definitely appreciate Mr. Skarsgard's attributes, personally, I'd rather spend an evening with his co-star, Joe Manganniello, a dark-toned, hirsute brute with a killer smile and muscles that go on for days.. TMI? Get over it. My other hirsute hottie favs include Bollywood star Hrithric Roshan; Superman Henry Cavill;  Chris Evans and Iron Man himself, Robert Downey, Jr. Hell, Goonies and Caveman co-star (and former NFL player) John Matuszak filled the bill quite nicely, back in the day.

Okay - now you know more about Uncle P's proclivities  than many of my closest friends (no, not really - did you honestly expect me to reveal information my closest friends don't already know?)

Still, when I think of Swedes; Danes and Norwegians, I somehow always conjure up an image of Dolph Lundgren. But a video of members of the Swedish Marines lip-dubbing "Greased Lighting" from the film version of the musical Grease has proven me so very wrong. Brunets easily outnumber blonds in the viral video making its way around the Internet. See for yourselves:

Personally, hair color means far less to me than hair coverage. Damn! I've over-shared again. Anyway, I'd love to see a Gay Bear version of "The Bare Necessities," if only to hear the whizzing sound of Walt spinning in his supposedly icy vault.

More, anon.
Prospero

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"Finding Mr. Banks" Is a Lie

P.L. Travers

Disney's latest live-action film is Saving Mr. Banks, supposedly based on the story of how Walt Disney convinced author P.L.Travers to let him turn "Mary Poppins" into a movie.

Travers, an Australian born failed actress, went on to later gain fame as a poet and novelist. Her own banker father died young of alcoholism and she was later raised by the stern and loving nanny who inspired "Mary Poppins." Rumored to be a lesbian and adopting a son (based on an Astrologer's advice) as a single woman in the 1940's, Travers was an early 20th Century pioneer with a rather mercurial personality, prone to moodiness and not particularly fond of children, who later wrote erotica.  But it was the six Poppins novels that brought her the most acclaim.

Travers apparently hated Disney's version of her first novel, even after he convinced her to allow it to be made into a film. 

Sometime in the early 70's, Mom surprised my sister and I by taking us to a matinee of  revival screening of Mary Poppins. After it was over, my poor little sister (who was maybe 5 or 6 at the time) cried hysterically because Mary left the Banks' house. We tried to explain to her that other children needed her help, but she would have none of it.

Recently the BBC made an extraordinary short documentary about Travers and Disney, which exposes much of what the recent film washes over. If you have an hour, I highly recommend the documentary below:

Mary Poppins made an international star out of Julie Andrews (who won her first Oscar for the role) and eventually became one of Disney's most popular films. In fact, I was particularly thrilled by the fountain in the newest part of the Grand Floridian Hotel in Walt Disney World.

The Grand Floridian Hotel Lobby

While my sister may very well be a self-described "Disney Dork," and I truly enjoyed seeing how the various hotels at the Disney World resort were decorated for the holidays, I somehow completely understand how Travers objected to Disney's 'Disneyfication" of her stories.

I understand her objections, especially given my own proclivity for the darker side of life... But I have to admit that the Disney film had a major influence on my own movie experience. I was just 2 when the movie was first released and probably 6 before I saw it for the first time. 

Despite what Travers intended and objected to, millions of children look to Mary Poppins as a peek into early 20th Century British life. Regardless of what Travers thought, both she and Disney made millions off the movie. As much as she may have objected to the movie itself, Travers' children's novels took off because of the film. Travers established a charity using the money she made, but never established a real relationship with her adopted son or his children. 

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article BBC / Disney / Documentaries / Florida / Holiday Movies / Lies / Mary Poppins / Movies / My Sister / Nonsense / Saving Mr. Banks with the title Disney. You can bookmark this page URL http://tammycross.blogspot.com/2014/01/mr-banks-is-lie.html. Thanks!

Last Words on this Topic

Okay, so maybe I was a bit premature. But I did say I'd post if something came up. And something actually has sort of blown up all over social media and I couldn't express everything I had to say about it in short bursts and comments on other people's timelines.

I'm sure you have figured out what I'm going to talk about from the the GrumpyCat meme pic I've posted to your right.

Uncle P's first experience seeing The Sound of Music was at a drive-in with Mom and my sister. I don't remember how old I was. It was certainly before the VHS boom of the late-70's and popular movies were often re-released to theatres many years after their initial runs. Mom thought we'd like it, so off the three of us went. That's almost all I really remember about it. I think I liked it. I do remember Mom telling us about a friend of hers who had left after the wedding scene (long movies often had intermissions) because she thought it was over. And unlike Mary Poppins,* it didn't make my sister cry because Mary left the Banks children. It undoubtedly had an influence on me. I have sung 'Edelweiss' for more auditions than almost any other song. And yes, it's old-school, Rogers and Hammerstein cheese. In fact, one of their cheesiest. But the film is a classic for so many reasons, Ms. Andrews' and Mr. Plummer's performances among the least of them. There is Robert Wise's amazing direction; the stunning scenery and photography; gorgeous period costumes and a score filled with songs that literally everyone in the Western world recognizes, if not knows the lyrics to. The movie is so beloved, that President Reagan rather infamously retreated from a G7 Summit which he was hosting, in order to watch it on TV.

You obviously think you know where this is going, but bear with me.

NBC presented an adaptation of the stage version of the show (in which Broadway legend Mary Martin originated the role of Maria) last Thursday. Twitter, Facebook and the blogosphere in general exploded with both negative and positive reviews, comments and what one of my Facebook friends called a "Snarknado." To be honest, I had no intention of watching it. Don't get me wrong - I've performed in my fair share of R&H shows - they are staples of high school and community theatre. I played Emile in South Pacific my senior year in high school. But give me Sondheim; Schwartz; Kander & Ebb; Rado & Ragni or Parker & Stone, anytime. Especially when it comes to a show like The Sound of Music, which is far better suited for the screen than the stage.

The night it aired, I caught about a total of 30 minutes or so, starting with "My Favorite Things." Not wanting to gawk at the the train wreck, I caught subsequent sections while moving between programs I had DVR'd earlier in the week. I witnessed unsuppressed accents; breathy singing; some really bad acting and even worse dialogue; anachronistic costumes and some pretty crappy sets.

What I did not see, was a Musical Theatre production. There was no live audience; no pauses for applause or laughter; no energy reflected back to cast to inspire them. I saw a talented singer with no acting experience thrust into an iconic role which she had no business playing. I saw some amazing actors left adrift and others taking command. And then there was Audra McDonald's stunning rendition of "Climb Every Mountain:"

Yes, so many of my theatre friends want to tout "The Sound of Music Live!" as an introduction to and inspiration for young theatre enthusiasts. And yes, it's wonderful that TV wants to bring us live performances (something NBC already does on SNL). But if you want to bring live theatre to the masses, then really shell out the bucks give them today's live theatre. I would have been glued to a live performance of Wicked or Pippin. Instead, NBC chose a 'safe' musical, did some stunt-casting and hoped Ms Underwood's fans would tune in, And while the ratings were pretty good, the criticism was less than kind, even among mainstream media. Time Magazine's review had this to say: 

"When Carrie Underwood stepped out on the (wooded, not grassy) hills and started singing, I wished the hills were alive with the sound of hungry mountain lions." Ouch!

Trust me, NO ONE believes more in the power of the Performing Arts than Uncle P.  While a poorly produced and woefully miscast production from a rag-tag company in a Podunk town may be perfectly acceptable and delightful, we expect and deserve more from a multimillion dollar production on a major TV network. 

*Speaking of Mary Poppins, I think if I only see one Holiday movie this year (though I hope to see a few), it has to be Saving Mr. Banks:

And in case you're wondering how all of this ties together, please remember that Julie Andrews won her only Oscar for playing... Mary Poppins. My dear dancer friend 'Lizard' and I were lucky enough to see her live in the Broadway production of Victor/Victoria and while she didn't quite have the range for which she was once so renowned, her stage presence alone was enough to make for an unforgettable theatrical event. That, my friends, is why so many of us hated "The Sound of Music Live!" and it's many missed opportunities.

I truly hope this isn't the last time we see such a grand experiment. I just hope it's done right, next time.

Rant over. Break starts now. Really. Unless some other idiotic thing gets stuck in my craw.  << sigh >>

More, anon (I suppose I have to go back that now, too).

Prospero

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Boop Boop Bi Doop! (A 'Forgetten Gems' Post)

Bimbo's Initiation

I posted Bimbo's Initiation and commented briefly on Facebook, but I had to expand on it and the work of producer and animator Max Fleischer. The ever Happy Mutants at BoingBoing posted the video earlier today, describing it as Fleischer's 'darkest short' or something to that effect. Go to BoingBoing to see exactly what they said. Anyway, it ended up inspiring tonight's Forgotten Gems post.

Fleischer was a contemporary of Walt Disney and released his own animated feature Gulliver's Travels in 1939, two years after Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs proved an animated feature could be successful. To be perfectly honest, Fleischer's film is technically superior to Disney's, using rotoscoping techniques that wouldn't surface in quite the same way again until Richard Linklater's 2006 adaptation of Philip K. Dick's A Scanner Darkly (albeit in an entirely different artistic interpretation).

Fleischer and his team were certainly more experimental in their animated films than Disney, catering to a more adult (if not exactly more sophisticated) audience. Most famous for producing the original Betty Boop and Popeye cartoons, the writers and animators at Fleischer's studio were undoubtedly influential on any number of animators to come after, including Friz Freleng; Tex Avery; Ralph Bakshi and modern animators like John Krikfalusi and director Joe Dante for his segment of the notorious Twilight Zone: The Movie.

So here's the bizarre, surreal and rather nightmarish Bimbo's Initiation in all it's weird glory:

And here is Dante's take on the style:



"Run, Ethel! Run!" Indeed.

Of course, Fleischer's Popeye cartoons could be just as dark (Sea Hag, anyone?). He also produced a series of simply gorgeous Superman shorts:

Still, I think Fleischer's masterpiece and a true forgotten gem is Gulliver's Travels. If you've never seen it, you should seek it out. Gorgeously rendered with a message of tolerance and forgiveness and a very clever score, every animation fan (or film fan) owes it him or herself to see it. The full movie is available on YouTube. The trailer is below:

Animated films aren't just for children. I promise. And while Fleischer's movie is hardly a definitive version of Swift's satirical novel, it is a good start in introducing kids to a classic while enjoying the artistry of the piece, itself. Hell, I've even referenced Fleischer's work in my screenplay 'Comatose Joe.' And there's no doubt in my mind that his creative team was a bunch of stoners and trippers, long before it was cool.I'm just sayin'...

More, anon.
Prospero

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TV Review: "Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."

Marvel, in their quest to dominate the superhero genre in all media, has launched the most anticipated new show of the season. ABC's "MAoS" is the second brand new show of the season and the second to become permanently scheduled on my DVR. Created by Joss Whedon (Marvel's The Avengers; "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") and directly tied to Marvel's ever-increasing role in popular culture and entertainment, "MAoS" may well do what "Heroes" and "No Ordinary Family" failed to do. If you haven't seen it, there are spoilers ahead.

As I am sure everyone expected and was delighted to find, "MAoS" was slick, smart, action-packed and an awful lot of fun. Having the most fun of all is Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson (and the only permanent cross-over character from the previous films). But... wait... didn't agent Coulson die in The Avengers? Well... Coulson explains that Nick Fury faked his death to rally the Avengers into a team. Coulson recovered from his wounds at a spa in Tahiti. Of course we find out... well, Coulson is either a clone with a memory implant or Coulson, actually raised from the dead. I'm guessing we won't find out this season. Cobie Smulders crossed over for the pilot, as well, recreating her role as Maria Hill. The rest of the team is made up of Agent Grant Ward (ridiculously handsome Brett Dalton - those names seem somehow easily interchangeable); Agent Melinda May (Ming-Na Wen); physicist Leo Fitz and biologist Jemma Simmons (Iain De Caestecker & Elizabeth Henstridge) are known collectively as "Fitzsimmons" while hacker/conspiracy blogger Skye (Chloe Bennet) who has skills they need.

Just about everything in the pilot, from the writing, casting, direction and special effects were simply top-notch. And they set a perfect mythology/mystery in motion with the need to find and stop the person and/or persons behind "Project Centipede," which (if the writers are smart) should be a recurring theme among stand-alone episodes, rather than the season's whole focus. But who the heck am I to tell Joss Whedon and company how to write their show, anyway?  Anyway, if you didn't watch it, you should. Geeky fanboy fun for the whole family. **** (Four Out of Four Stars)

Oh, and by the way... I want Lola!

More, anon.
Prospero

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What's That Spining Sound?

Miley as Hannah Montana

Despite the persistent rumors that he had himself crygonically frozen, I can assure you that Walt Disney was interred at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale, California., along with dozens of other Hollywood legends.

And even though I said on Facebook that I wouldn't watch Miley Cyrus' performance at last night's VMA's, the great cry and hue about said performance pretty much left me feeling like I had to watch it and comment further. And so I did. Now comes the further commenting.

All day I've been wondering why I heard spinning sounds from the west. Having watched Cyrus' performance, it has become apparent that whatever remains of Mr. Disney is spinning fast and hard enough to be heard nearly 3000 miles away. The man who once asked Annette Funicello to keep her navel covered in her Beach Blanket movies must be vomiting ectoplasm all over the place.

As I am sure you must know by now, I am hardly a prude.I like sex as much as any other red-blooded American male. And it honestly takes a lot to offend me. Still... when America's Sweetheart turns herself into America's Slut, even Uncle P has to take notice. 

It's not that I am opposed to a young woman growing up and reinventing herself. Nor am I opposed to any young person's sexual awakening. Far from it. Go for it! I certainly wish that at 20 I had had the balls to be myself (though 20 for Uncle P was well into the last century - a very different time). Still, I don't think I would have been nearly as overtly sexual as the former Disney star was last night. If you haven't seen it (and I may be the last American to actually subject myself to it), here's the clip:

WTF?!?!

I don't blame parents who are upset that their children's idol gave such an exploitative performance. I don't even blame Robin Thicke (though he was obviously complicit) for his part in Cyrus' lascivious performance. Cyrus is legally an adult and can do whatever she likes, as long as it's legal and doesn't harm anyone else. Still, I have to wonder how all those tweens and teens who watched Cyrus' wholesome Disney show and expected an equally wholesome performance from their idol (not to mention their parents' reactions) reacted to her rather lascivious performance. Were I a parent of a 12 to 15 year old girl, I imagine I'd be rather incensed, myself.

Here's the thing: Your television's remote (or when I was a kid, dial) has a button that allows you to change the channel if you see something you don't like or don't want your children to see. If you didn't change the channel last night, you have no right to complain about what was aired. If you let your children watch that mess, you have no right to complain about its overtly sexual images. If you let your children play violent video games, you have no right to complain when they act violently in their social play. And if you take your 8 year old to see an "R" rated horror movie, you have no right to complain when said 8 year old wakes you up because he or she had a nightmare.

Change the channel. Hire a sitter. Don't buy 'Street Murdering Pimps' for X-Box. Don't complain when you allow your children to be exposed to things which you find offensive.

Get over it, already.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Head Over Heels

The older I get, the less I care about entertainment awards shows. When I was a kid, there were only five: The Oscars; The Tonys; The Emmys; The Grammies and sometimes The Golden Globes. It was a big deal when Rita Moreno became the first person ever to win the all of the Big Four. Then came MTV and it all went haywire.  Of course, it still seems to me that awarding prizes for art is just silly. How does one maintain objectivity in such a subjective field? But since we do so award arts and entertainment, and since I'd like to consider myself to be primarily an 'Entertainment' blogger, I guess I should at least comment on them, no?

The Grammys were tonight, hosted by hot rapper/actor LL Cool J. The bastard step-child of awards shows, no one really cares about the Grammy awards anymore (if they ever really did). The general decline in the quality of popular music in the last 30 years makes me sound like my parents complaining about music in the 80's. Of course, we knew enough to appreciate how what came before influenced those who were popular at the time. Today's popular music is boring, repetitive and unoriginal crap. This year's Grammy broadcaster CBS issued a much-reported dress-code memo to invited attendees. I honestly can't wait to see the response.

The Oscars finish the season in a few weeks, and while I've seen several of the nominated films, I haven't seen enough of any of them to make any sort of truly informed opinion,. Curiously, I have now seen two of the films nominated in the Best Animated Short category. The first is from Disney, combining traditional hand-animation with CGI for the sweet and romantic Paperman:

Also nominated is Head Over Heels, a striking stop-motion film about a middle-aged couple who are separated by so much more than just gravity.

I know there is a live-action Sci-Fi-Romance coming out with a similar idea, though I doubt it will have the same emotional impact and commentary as that surprisingly delightful short. I think I need to seek out the other nominees in this category. I'll let you know what I find.

More, anon,
Prospero

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Guerilla Filmmaking and Other Movie Nonsense

Escape from Tomorrow

From the Happy Mutants over at BoingBoing comes this review of a film which premiered at Sundance this weekend. Escape from Tomorrow tells the story of a man who, on the last day of his family vacation in Orlando, learns he has lost his job. As the film  progresses, the man slowly loses his grip on reality, eventually creating a surreal and nightmarish descent into madness. Of course, the extraordinary thing is that the film was apparently shot without the knowledge or cooperation of the Disney corporation, which has been known to sue daycare centers for copyright infringements and asking Santa to leave their parks. Film critic Drew McWeeny says "It is impossible this film exists... And yet, not only does it exist; but it's fascinating." 

Long-time readers know that Uncle P's sister is a self-described "Disney Dork." In fact, last weekend she and the BIL went on their second Disney cruise. And while I personally prefer Universal Studios, I must admit that I have been to Disneyworld at least five times. Which makes Escape from Tomorrow all that much more fascinating to me. 

Personal friends know that I adore off-the-wall, experimental and outright bizarre film experiences. Movies like Richard Elfman's Forbidden Zone; David Lynch's Eraserhead; Quentin Dupieux's Rubber; Terry Gilliam's Brazil; David Cronenberg's Naked Lunch and Guy Maddin's The Saddest Music in the the World are very much why I love film so much. They make me feel like I'm not alone in my personally skewed vision of life.

Here's a clip from Escape from Tomorrow, featuring daddy-bear star Roy Abramsohn dealing with his obsession with two French teenagers at a Disney resort pool:

I don't know how director Randy Moore pulled off this film, though I am amazed and excited that he did. McWeeny supposes the movie will never find a distributor and will eventually fall into obscurity, thanks to Disney's phalanx of lawyers. Still, I think that I must see Escape from Tomorrow, if only to satisfy my curiosity and add it to my list of outsider films I've loved or hated.

Trust me, I don't get it anymore than you.

More, anon.

Prospero

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We're Not in Omaha Anymore, James

A few months ago, Disney released a rather impressive trailer for director Sam Raimi's Oz: The Great and Powerful, a prequel to the most beloved fantasy film of all time, The Wizard of Oz. Unlike Gregory Maguire's political satire Wicked, which explores the relationship between the the witches of Oz before the arrival of Dorothy, Raimi's film delves into the arrival of the Wizard into the land of Oz. 

The sexually ambiguous James Franco is Kansas magician Oscar Diggs who finds himself transported to Oz where he meets  the witches Theodora (Mila Kunis); Evanora (Rachel Weisz) and Glinda (Michelle Williams) who draw him into a power play for control of Oz. Today, Disney released the full trailer, and it looks nothing less than magnificent.

Raimi (despite Spider-Man 3) remains one of my all-time favorite modern directors. He has a very distinctive visual style and a rather twisted sense of humor (which is quite apparent in his brilliant horror movies Evil Dead II and  Drag Me to Hell). Personally, I can't wait for his take on L. Frank Baum's iconic characters. 

Of course, I'm one of the few people who loved Disney's 1985 film Return to Oz, a rather dark sequel to the original, which stuck much closer to Baum's novels than the 1939 classic and introduced audiences to a young Fairuza Balk, who would later go on to become a Goth film icon.

Disney is banking on Raimi to create an Oz franchise with this new film, though I'm guessing that the film version of the Steampunk-inspired musical based on Maguire's novel will be the movie to move the story forward given Maguire's two sequels to his original novel.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Review: "John Carter"

Willem Dafoe and Taylor Kitsch

I know I went off about my love of the Edgar Rice Burrough's "Barsoom" novels as a kid. They were my first real introduction to Science Fiction (I wouldn't discover Verne until after I'd read "A Princess of Mars"). They hold a special place in my heart and I couldn't wait for this movie.

I know - there's been a lot of bad press about Disney's John Carter and more than one terrible review. I didn't care. John Carter is a movie I've waited a very long time to see. Am I am pleased to say that the movie isn't even close to being as disappointing as some critics have made out it to be. 

John Carter (eye-candy deluxe, Taylor Kitsch of "Friday Night Lights" and the Upcoming Battleship) is a Civil War veteran who lost his family and now spends his time searching for a legendary cave of gold in the Arizona territories. When he gets the 19th Century version of 'stop-gapped' back into service, Carter escapes, pursued into the hills by both the Army, led by Bryan Cranston's badass Powell, and the local Native Americans. He slips into a notch in a canyon wall to hide and discovers both his cave of gold and an alien who sends him off to Mars, which isn't quite as barren and dead as previously thought. The planet's reduced gravity give him both amazing strength and the ability to leap great distances at a time. Think Superman creators Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster might have been fans? I'd count on it. In fact, I'd count on every major Science Fiction writer and director is a fan. This story is almost 100 years old - it predates and inspired Buck Rogers; Flash Gordon; Star Wars; Stargate; Starship Troopers and other number of films it's being called derivative of. 

Barsoom is in the midst of it's own Civil War, being waged by Sab Than (Dominic West) ruler of the  beyond-enormous walking city of Zadanga, against the planet's other great city-state, Helium. A second race, the Tharks (four-armed insectoids with huge tusks) wants nothing to do with any of it. Thark leader Tars Tarkis (Willem Dafoe in a motion-capture performance) takes a shine to Carter's abilities and makes him an honorary Thark, though Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins of "True Blood"), Princess of Helium, hopes he will fight for her cause and save Barsoom from utter destruction. Then there are the Thurns, led by Matai Shang (the ubiquitous movie villain Mark Strong), a race of seemingly immortal manipulators. The plot (and there is a LOT of it) adds elements from later books in the series, but follows (as least as much as I remember) it's source material with great affection. A bracketed subplot, which posits that Burroughs was Carter's nephew, cleverly left room for a sequel, should there be one.*

Pixar Director Andrew Stanton (Toys; Finding Nemo) makes his live action debut here (following on the heel's of Brad Bird who had MI:4 last year) and does a fine job with a complex story, adding humor where he can - as with the devoted-to-Carter Woola, a sort of dog-like amphibian with six legs (think of a giant mud-puppy without the slime and twice as cute) and Carter's first attempts at communication with Tars Tarkas, ending up with the entire Thark race thinking Carter's name is "Virginia." Stanton's pacing is near perfect, knowing when to slow things down before bringing them to full on chaos. And he quite nicely manages to create battle scenes that aren't a blurred swirl of weapons and limbs.

I won't lie - Kitsch is amazing to look at. He spends a good 90% of the movie in a loincloth and breastplate which leave just enough exposed for all to enjoy. And his performance isn't bad. He play's Carter's arc from broken man to hero quite nicely. Collins, while attractive enough, isn't quite so lucky. She seems so bogged down by the stereotypes which were based on her character, she can't come up with a way to make it new and ends up a cypher. West is fine as a madman with power, while Strong sadly just phones in his performance (I can almost imagine his disdainful yawns between takes). Thomas Haden Church and Samantha Morton lend their voices and MC performances as Tharks, while James Purefoy rounds out the human cast.

Of course, the real stars of John Carter are the effects, and Stanton and his team more than deliver. No rubber-suited actor could ever be as convincingly real as the Motion Capture Thark are. In fact, all of Barsoom's strange creatures are rendered so realistically, we immediately accept them as such. David Allday's art direction and Mayes C. Rubeo's costume conjured up an idealized Roman/Barbarian mash-up and the whole thing has the look of an illustration by Boris Vallejo.  

I have to say, however, that this was the most pointless use of 3D I have yet to see. Unlike Hugo, which used 3D to immerse the audience in it's world or The Final Destination, where the 3D was used primarily as a gag, the effect does nothing for this rather straight-forward action/adventure movie.

The look and feel of John Carter may not seem all that original to those who grew up after Star Wars, but for fans of the classic novels, it's a treat to see Barsoom finally brought to life on the screen. D, having no idea of what the movie was about going in, enjoyed it for the most part. Our mutual friend Stephanie thought it was entertaining. I'm pretty sure the non-stop man candy didn't hurt either of our experiences. I do hope that word-of-mouth gives this movie the legs it deserves.*** (Three out of Four Stars).

More, anon.
Prospero

*And I think there should be one. They have 11 more novels from which to mine a trilogy, at least.

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Barsoom!

Taylor Kitsch as John Carter of Mars

As a kid, I loved the Edgar Rice Burroughs' novels about Civil War soldier John Carter and his adventures on Mars (called 'Barsoom' by it's inhabitants). Burroughs (probably best known as the creator of Tarzan) imagined a violent planet in a constant state of war, with Carter as it's prophesied savoir. I always thought the stories would make for some terrific movies, though I can't imagine how they could have been made with any accuracy before the advent of CGI. 

Now that the technology exists, Disney has adapted Burroughs' first Barsoom novel ("A Princess of Mars") for the big screen. John Carter stars "Friday Night Lights" star Taylor Kitsch in the title role of a man who finds himself transported to another planet where lower gravity gives him super-strength and the ability to leap great distances. In the novels, Carter does all his battling in the nude. This being a Disney film, Kitsch spends the movie wearing a leather loin-cloth and not much else (not that I'm complaining). I imagined Carter as older than Kitsch, though I can't fault director Andrew Stanton (Toy Story; Finding Nemo; Wall-E) for casting the very hot up-and-comer in the role. Of course, the supporting cast ain't too shabby. Samantha Morten, Willem Dafoe; Thomas Hayden Church; Mark Strong; Dominic West; James Purefoy and Bryan Cranston all play parts, though some (like DaFoe) appear in motion capture performances which render them unrecognizable.

Disney has a lot riding on John Carter; it's $250M budget among them. Disney's forays into Sci-Fi (The Black Hole; Tron) haven't always been critical darlings. Still, Stanton's track record with Pixar has been nothing short of amazing. I hope he'll do just as well (if not, better) with his first foray into live-action. 

Regardless, I know that I will definitely be seeing John Carter during its first weekend. With 11 novels from Burroughs himself (published between 1912 and 1964) and two more by his son, Disney certainly has a potentially huge franchise on their hands. I only hope they've done the series justice.

John Carter will be released on March 9th.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Do You Like Gladiator Movies?

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Way back in 1997, Disney angered the population of an entire country when it released the animated musical Hercules. The Greeks complained that the film reduced the classic mythological hero to a buffoonish caricature. Really? Where were they when handsome American body-builder and 'actor ' Steve Reeves was making his living in terrible 1960's Italian films about the same character? And where was the uproar when Austrian strongman (and future Governator) Arnold Schwarzenegger played the role for laughs in 1969's Hercules in New York? And then there was the All-American Hercules; Kevin Sorbo in Sam Raimi's sarcastically homoerotic "Hercules: The Legendary Adventures," which ran on American cable from 1995 to 1999. I don't remember any Greeks protesting that show.

So, I have to wonder: what will the Greeks think of former pro-wrestler turned family-film-star, Samoan behemoth Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as their iconic hero? Literally dozens of industry sites are reporting that Johnson - currently on screen in the critically derided 3D actioner Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - is in talks to play the Greek demigod in director Brett Ratner's adaptation of Steve Moore's darkish graphic novel, 'Hercules: The Thracian Wars.'

I like Johnson. He's personable, attractive and has a rather amazing physique. He's been in both bad (Tooth Fairy) and fairly decent (The Rundown) films. On talk shows like 'Ellen,' Johnson comes across as a bright, funny, dedicated family man who wants to make movies his kids can watch. Of course, it's going to take lots and lots of Dermablend (or very expensive CGI) to cover those traditional Samoan (and Texan) tattoos. And Uncle P (among millions of gals and guys) would certainly not kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

Of course, the Greeks have other things to worry about these days, though I can't imagine they're going to happy with a Samoan actor playing a Grecian icon, given their response to the Disney film. 

As for me, my first experience with the character was the 1960's cartoon (I'm old, remember?) "The Mighty Hercules," in which Hercules resembled Superman and his best friend was a fey satyr named Newt (no relation to the current Repugnican candidate).

Ancient Greek warriors were often paired with their male lovers; the idea being that they would look out for and protect one another. It's a strategy that worked for thousands of years. While there is nothing in classic Greek mythology to suggest Hercules had such a pairing, I certainly wouldn't mind being paired with Johnson in war or peace... I'm just saying.

More, anon.
Prospero

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And I Will Always Exploit You

Heather Headley

Some movies deserve Broadway Musical adaptations, while other don't. For many years before it happened, I hoped Mel Brooks would bring The Producers* to Broadway. It was a perfect fit and resulted in a record number of Tony awards. But The Producers was a movie about Broadway; an obovious choice for musicalization. Brooks' attempt at adapting Young Frankenstein was far less successful (and let's hope his planned stage version of Blazing Saddles never comes to fruition).

Disney, of course, has had some massive successes with The Lion King; Beauty and the Beast and Mary Poppins, while the less said about Tarzan and The Little Mermaid, the better. I really loved the Broadway version of Xanadu but more because it parodied the movie, instead of trying to reinvent it. Currently on Broadway there are no less than six musical adaptions of movies, including Sister Act; Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; Newsies and Ghost. Off-Broadway musical versions of Silence of the Lambs (admittedly a parody) and Carrie (a revival of one of Broadway's most infamous flops) are also playing in New York. This trend is disturbing to me, because it follows the current Hollywood trend of remakes, reboots and television adaptations that have angered so many fans over the lack of original material. Where are all the original musicals? And why can't I find a composer with the follow-through to help me finish any of mine? But I digress...

Perhaps most disturbing of all, is the announcement of the West End musical production of the Kevin Costner/Whitney Houston movie The Bodyguard. Apparently in the works for a while, Houston's death has propelled interest in the show, which will include songs from the film as well as other songs from Houston's canon. Really? Starring the rather amazing Heather Headley (above) as Houston's character Rachel, the show is currently scheduled for a Fall premiere. Headley, who was outstanding in The Lion King and truly amazing in Aida, is one of the few stage actresses I can see taking on the role with any hope of success, though I think Weight Watchers' spokeswoman Jennifer Hudson would be the shoe-in for a film version. 

Still - Houston's body is barely in the ground. Should producers be exploiting her legacy for profits this soon? If nothing else, the musical version of The Bodyguard seems in bad taste, if not outright exploitation. Though exploitation seems to be the name of the game, these days. And how sad is that?

As an antidote, here is Chris Cornell's rather amazing tribute to Whitney:

*I'd also come out of retirement to play Max Bialistock in The Producers.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Forgotten Gems: "The Rocketeer"

The Gorgeous Art Deco Teaser Poster for "The Rocketeer"

I almost titled this post "The Moment I Fell for Billy Campbell." 

20 years ago, director Joe Johnston actually made a good movie. The Rocketeer was produced by Disney and starred Billy (Bill) Campbell; Jennifer Connelly; Alan Arkin; Timothy Dalton and a still relatively unknown Terry O'Quinn as Howard Hughes.

Campbell is Cliff, a young wannabe pilot in the late 30's who stumbles upon a lost military jetpack. After he and his mentor Peevy (Arkin) tinker with it, Cliff makes his airshow debut as The Rocketeer. Connelly is the girl he wants to impress and Dalton is the Hollywood Heartthrob who is a secret Nazi and wants to steal the jetpack for Der Fuhrer.

An homage to the Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers serials of the 1930's, The Rocketeer is a fun and exciting bit of nostalgia, featuring Campbell at the height of his boyish gorgeousness (though he's nothing to sneeze at these days, either). Of course, the big summer blockbuster that year was T2 and there was no way any movie was able to compete with it. Still, Campbell should have been a bigger star than he became. 

The following year he appeared as the usually forgotten American character Quincy Morris in Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula (and is one of the few well-cast actors in it). He would go on to more success on TV, appearing in the family drama "Once and Again;" the aborted-too-soon Sci-Fi series "The 4400" and most recently on A&E's adaptation of "The Killing."  

I've caught bits and pieces of The Rocketeer on TV a lot in the last few weeks, probably because of it's 20th Anniversary. I think it's time to sit down and watch it again from beginning to end. 

Director Johnston (The Wolfman; Jurassic Park 3) has had a truly hit-or-miss career, but managed to hit the ball out of the park with another WWII era superhero movie with this year's Captain America: The First Avenger. Connelly (who first caught our attention in the cult classic Labyrinth) won an Oscar for A Beautiful Mind and appeared one of my favorite Sci-Fi movies, Dark City. Dalton would go on to play James Bond in several less-than-well-received films and Arkin recently made waves with his hilarious performance in Little Miss Sunshine.

If for no other reason (and there are plenty), The Rocketeer is worth seeing just to drool over Campbell. Just in case you doubt it, have a look:

More, anon.
Prospero

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A Universal Experience

For my last few trips to visit my sister in Florida, we've at least once ended up at Downtown Disney, a shopping and entertainment area that houses Cirque du Soleil's permanent show La Nouba; the largest Disney Store in the world; DisneyQuest (essentially a giant Disney-themed arcade); The House of Blues; T-Rex; a Wolfgang Puck restaurant; an AMC multiplex and what was formerly known as Pleasure Island. We would shop, eat and enjoy an afternoon together in the only free Disney attraction in Florida. But we've been there at least a dozen times and I thought we might try something different.

My sister may well be a self-described "Disney Dork," but I much prefer Universal Studios when it comes to theme parks. Still, it had been a very long time since we'd been there - the Islands of Adventure park had only recently opened - and we weren't sure what to expect. First, we were shocked to find it was $15.00 just to park (Downtown Disney doesn't charge at all). And because we had our elderly mother with us, we required handicapped parking, After we paid, my sister followed the signs that indicated such parking was to the left. But we soon rounded a corner where a very rude Universal employee told us we had gone the wrong way, despite what the signs said, and that we had to leave the park and re-enter to go in the correct direction. Only his directions led back onto the highway and 30+ minutes out of our way. When we finally made it back to the park and got inside, we headed immediately to Guest Relations, where two very pleasant and apologetic parking facility managers eventually refunded our parking fee.

All of that nonsense aside, we found Universal CityWalk to be rather a huge disappointment. Filled with outrageously expensive restaurants and shops ($15.00 for a side of mashed potatoes at Emeril's; $335.00 for a Hawaiian shirt at the surf shop); ear-piercingly loud music over the PA system and hardly half the fun of DTD; CityWalk seemed like the biggest waste of a trip to Orlando as we had ever taken. And that's not to mention the $112.00 they wanted for a one-day pass to the parks, themselves. And while I did manage to find some gifts for my dear Harry Potter-loving K at the Universal Studios Store, we left after less than hour and headed to a local outlet mall where I spent more at the Disney outlet than I had at Universal.

While my love/hate relationship to House of Mouse remains firmly in place, my disappointment with Universal Studios is what will remain with me about that particular trip. Do I hate Universal Studios Orlando? No. But when it comes to bang for your buck, I must admit that the Mouse does it better.

Here's a virtual tour of DisneyQuest (an additional fee at DTD, but so much fun):

Okay, enough bitching. I really did have a wonderful time in Florida, despite Universal's lame CityWalk and my end-of-the-trip illness. And more about that trip, next time.

More, anon.

Prospero

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You're Never Too Old for Toys!

Merry Christmas, friends! I know there's a bit of geek in all of you, or none of you would read a damned thing I had to say. So this (originally intended to be) short post is for the geek in all of us. 

My sweet, crazy sister apparently spent three months looking through every 'trading post' that Disney had set up for their Vinylmation Park line of figurines. Earlier this fall, she sent me an article about the Steampunk Mickey figurines and I responded by hinting very broadly (and several times) that Christmas was coming. Every time they went  to the park (which is a lot - they have a timeshare on property) my sister and brother-in-law searched for one of them. Sis said that in some places when they asked about it, the 'Cast Members' looked at them like they had three heads. Finally, in an unlikely Trading Post the 'Cast Member' said "Yeah. Sure. You have to trade up for it." So the B-i-L went and bought a random figure to trade up for the striking and oddly sinister Steampunk Micky 3" Vinylmation Park figurine you see in the picture at the top of this post. And as an added bonus, she literally stumbled upon the T-shirt with a graphic of the very figure, itself. Double-plus Good!

Now, I have to be honest and tell you how conflicted I am about Disney some day, but you have to admit, these are an aging Film/Sci-Fi/Animation Geek's perfect gifts, sent by a self-professed Disney Dork (no that's not her blog, but I know she reads it). Santa bought some very excellent stuff (like the Tom-Tom with infinite map updates; a new pair of my favorite "comfortable" shoes and an exceptionally clever and useful tripod LED flashlight) and I really loved them all. Still, Sis also got the number three and four spots with my (shamefully) first personal copy of Evil Dead II on DVD and an astonishingly soft and luxurious faux-lambskin throw. I'm telling you, this thing is softer than a baby's cheek and cozier than a snuggle with a teddy bear. My presents to them were good but their presents to me were better. I love getting toys for Christmas and I hope all of you got at least one, yourselves!

Today is Boxing Day, but I didn't get any gloves this year... Sorry, lame pun attempt... I'm on a carb high  followed by an Asti Spumante chaser...

Anyway, if this post comes off as bragging, it's bragging about my little sister who spent three months looking for a 3" piece of useless plastic because she knew it would geek me out and make me smile. Double-plus Double-Plus Good. 

And there was (thank goodness) only one case of this last night (via):

Though I won't tell you who had it. 

I have every intention of attempting to finish the first draft of the screenplay I've been working on for almost a year while I'm off from the day job this week and we're supposed to get some significant snow here in the Delaware Valley tomorrow into Monday, so it's a good time to sequester myself a bit and figure out the rest of Act II and the segue to Act III. If I don't post over the next few days, it means I'm toiling. If I do, it means I'm flying along, happy with every word I write... (as if). 

Okay, so spill. What is/are your favorite present(s) this Christmas? Make me jealous so I stop thinking these exceptionally geeky gifts are complete "geek chic" and more than appropriate for a man old enough to have witnessed Nixon's resignation. 

And now a private message to my sister - you may skip a paragraph ahead, if you like :

Love ya, Sis! Miss you lots! See you in April! Remember what kind of cake I want (and yes, it can be low-carb, as long as it's delicious). Simi-tata; bwooouussccchh; "Canons to the left of me!" and Owl Hootsey to you, Silly Girl. Never stop making me laugh and smile and I'll never stop making you. Oh, one more thing - "CAMILLE!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now to those of who did read the above paragraph: You're undoubtedly shaking your heads and completely agreeing that what you have suspected all along is true and that your dear old Uncle Prospero is completely bonkers (which I have never denied, btw). But I promise you all, Uncle P's sister will probably be convulsing in laughter when she gets back to her day job and finishes reading that paragraph. I could have gone on with at least several dozen more non-sequiters and nonsense words that have meaning to her and me only. Of course, when she reads the Revenge, she emails her responses directly to me. Let's all encourage her to reply here, instead. She can be pretty funny when she wants to be...

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas! Tell me what your favorite present(s) was/were and tell the little baker lady to speak up. I know she has a Gmail account, so it's not like she can't... (Think she's getting the hint?) By the way, she can even create a secret identity to reply and I'll know it's her, because she'll use the other Pee Wee quote (on Letterman) that has equal effect on both of us.

More, eventually.

Prospero

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