Oscar Bait or Tragic Mistake?

Cameron Diaz and Still Creepy Penelope Cruz in The Counselor

Director Ridley Scott has made some of Turn of the Century's best films, including Alien; Blade Runner; Thelma and Louise and Gladiator. His most recent 'non-prequel' (which was totally a prequel) to Alien, Prometheus, had some issues, but was entertaining as hell (yes, Charlize should have run off to the side - we get it).  

Scott's latest thriller The Counselor - about a lawyer (Michael Fassbender) involved with some rather unsavory drug dealers - is currently listed as 'In Post-Production' on IMDb, with a scheduled release date of October 25th. Fassbender co-stars with Javier Bardem, Brad Pitt, Penelope Cruz (it's like she has a puppet mouth, or something... she just skeves me out... ugh!... )* and Cameron Diaz in a role some people are already supposedly whispering rumors that she just may give the performance of her career, which could lead to the possibility of an Academy Award... (Yes, I am fully aware that this is a dreadful run-on sentence with a superfluous parenthetical, thank you very much fellow Grammar Nazis).

Really? The girl from The Mask and There's Something About Mary? The foul-mouthed, pot-smoking, money-scamming Bad Teacher (a movie I only just saw - and sort-of enjoyed - on cable one night in Chicago last month). I saw a teaser for this movie when Dear D and I went to see The Conjuring last month and Diaz was in it, but had nothing to really say. A new trailer has surfaced (via) and we see quite a bit more of her character and I must admit, I am intrigued. With a script from novelist Cormac McCarthy (The Road; No Country for Old Men), The Counselor has all the pedigrees and earmarks that catch the Academy members' attentions. What do you think?

Let the campaigning begin!

More, anon.

Prospero

*Don't start with me. Just because I'm gay does NOT meant I don't know how to appreciate a beautiful woman when I see one. I also know that I am in the minority when it comes to my opinion of Ms Cruz's physiognomy. It's all well and good until she opens that slash in her jaw... Seriously. It's like female Spanish Guy Smiley in the flesh! Bllllllllllluuuuurrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh!

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Karen Black; Mean Pranks; Death and Other Jokes

Karen Black in House of 1000 Corpses

Veteran genre actor Karen Black has passed away at 74 after a long battle with cancer and that makes Uncle P very sad. Ms. Black's career spanned 6 decades and included films such as Easy Rider;  Five Easy Pieces; Airport 75 and The Day of the Locust. But she's probably better known for her genre films which include The Pyx (1973); Burnt Offerings (1976); Invaders from Mars (1986) and House of 1000 Corpses (2003). 

Among those of us who grew up in the era of disco and only one HBO channel, Karen Black is best remembered for an ABC TV Movie of The Week called Trilogy of Terror. As I am sure you've figured out, it was an anthology of three scary stories. No one I know (including myself) remembers anything about the first two stories. Because it was the third story that freaked out everyone who saw it. It was the third story that all my friends were talking about the next Monday at school. And it was the third story that made my sister almost lose her mind (a lot more on that in a bit...). 

As of this writing, she has three films yet to be released. Black, with her wonky eye and unconventional beauty, came to stardom during the Indie Film Renaissance of the 70's (sometimes referred to as the "Second Golden Age') and managed to maintain a very interesting and viable career long after many of her contemporaries didn't. Karen Black was truly One-of-a-Kind.

And so I don't leave on quite a dark note, I'll segue into two real-life events, memories of which were triggered by the news about Ms Black.

My Dad, despite his many faults, was pretty funny and I'm not ashamed to admit that a big part of my sense of humor is directly related to his. He knew a million jokes and he told them well. He often used fairly accurate accents when telling them, which led to my ear for it (which has proven very useful both on and off stage). He loved nonsense and dark humor, and took great joy in pranking my sister and mother. Here are two examples:

When my sister was very young, she would get scared and sneak into my parents' room in the middle of the night. When they started locking their door, she took to coming up into my room, which was basically a loft with no door. I woke up many mornings to find her in my bed.  Trilogy of Terror originally aired on a Friday night. I don't need to tell what Sis did. That Saturday morning, our father got up and started to make breakfast. She heard him rattling around and called out -- "Hello?" Dad snuck out to the living room and made sounds like the Zuni Doll in that clip. Needless to say, Sis crawled back into bed and didn't move or make a sound until I woke up, some time later. Poor kid!

Which led me to this memory of a Halloween in the mid-to late 70's. Trick or Treating was pretty much over for Uncle P for good, but I still went out with Sis and we had some fun times. Of course, in those days we were out for hours (especially on weekends) and would fill pillowcases two or three times. It was safe and there were hundreds of kids and parents out. This particular night, Dad hid a monster mask in the bathroom. I was upstairs, Sis was in her room and Mom was in the kitchen, which is where kids knocked for candy in almost every house in our area, about to go to bed. Dad snuck into the bathroom and put on the mask and a trenchcoat (and nothing else). He snuck out the front door, crept around to the kitchen door and knocked.

Poor Mom, thinking it was last-minute Trick-or-Treater, opened the door. Dad yelled "Trick 'r Treat!" and flashed her, thinking she would recognize him and laugh. Instead, Mom screamed for Dad and slammed the door! Sis and I both came running, only to hear Dad braying like a hyena outside while Mom came to the realization of what had just happened.

Is it any wonder I am the way I am?

Here are some trailers for my favorite Karen Black Horror movies:

More, anon.

Prospero

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Beware the Stare of Mary Shaw

The Only Thing Creepier Than a Clown

After the success of Saw, writer Leigh Whannell and director James Wan collaborated on a very different movie, the underrated 2007 ghost story, Dead Silence.

"True Blood" star Ryan Kwanten plays Jamie Ashton, whose wife Ella ("Revenge" alum and Mia Farrow  look-alike Amber Ashton) receives a strange package one day, containing a ventriloquist dummy named Billy. While Jamie is out getting Chinese food, Ella is murdered by the doll and Jamie returns to his hometown of Ravens Fair, famous for a theatre which featured a ventriloquist named Mary Shaw, who was murdered and supposedly buried with all her dummies. Jamie pays a visit to his estranged father Edward ("24" alum Bob Gunton) who is remarried to a hot young blonde named Lisa (They star Laura Regan). Edward offers little comfort and even less explanation for Ella's murder. Meanwhile, police Detective Lipton (Donnie Wahlberg) has followed Jamie, convinced he is responsible for his wife's death.

As Jamie digs deeper into the mystery of Mary Shaw, more and more people turn up dead with their tongues missing. It seems that Jamie's great-uncle called Mary out as a fraud in the 1940's, claiming he saw her lips move. After she showed him up, the boy went missing and was later found murdered with his tongue cut out. The town blamed Mary and killed her, cutting her tongue out, as well. Jamie eventually visits the old theatre where he finds Mary's workshop and a book with the plans to build a perfect puppet. Eventually Jamie and Lipton realize that Mary is possessing her puppets in her efforts to take revenge on the family that caused her to be murdered, and attempt to destroy them. Thinking the nightmare is over (SPOILER ALERT) Jamie returns to his father's house only to discover that Lisa is actually Mary's ghost and that his father has long ago been turned into a corpse puppet and that Mary had planned the whole thing to get to Jamie, the last surviving member of the Ashton family.

While Dead Silence (originally called just Silence) has loads of atmosphere and plenty of creepy visuals, Whannell's overly-complicated plot turned off most critics and audiences, who found the movie confusing. I've seen Dead Silence several times and always enjoy it, often spotting new Easter Eggs every time (one of Mary's dolls is the tricycle-riding puppet - also named "Billy" - from the Saw movies, while another is the famous Charlie McCarthy). It also features one of Whannell's unforeseeable twist endings (he's much better at that Shyamalan ever was) which I just spoiled, above. Of course, Whannell and Wan hit pay-dirt again with 2010's Insidious, yet another ghost movie I'll be covering later this month. If you're looking for atmospheric creepiness in a ghost story, you can't go wrong with Dead Silence. If you've never seen it, give it a chance. If you have and dismissed it, take another look. 

And if you want an even creepier ventriloquism movie, check out 1978's Magic, starring a young Anthony Hopkins and Ann-Margret. While it's not a ghost story, it is plenty creepy!



More, anon.
Prospero

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The Most Homophobic Troll You'll See This Week

Homophobic troll Kevin McCullough

OK - I finally have time to complete this post.

GLAAD recently released their Commentator Accountability Project, a list of right-wing, anti-gay people who show up regularly on MSNBC and other news outlets as so-called "experts" for the Right. Just about every one of these people promulgate lies and use junk science to make their points. They are never labeled 'homophobic,' nor are they called out for being religious fanatics who are part of organizations which have been labeled as Hate Groups by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Among those on GLAAD's list are NOM founder Maggie Gallagher; right-wing preacher Bob Vander Plaats; "Porno" Pete LaBarbera; AFA Founder Don Wildmon; FRC Senior Felllow Peter Sprigg and AFA radio host Kevin McCullough (pictured above). These people regularly espouse their twisted "Christian" views as reasons why LGBTQ people should be denied basic human rights (much like the majority of  candidates currently seeking the GOP nomination for President). 

McCullogh, like many on GLAAD's list, is unhappy about being included and recently took to the airwaves to talk about it. Among his many odious comments were "I don't believe that you can be gay;" "...gay couples both despise marriage and want to destroy it" and "They (gay people) don't like the fact that men and women complete each other." You can watch his entire rant (if you can stomach it) in the clip below (via):

Honestly, I'd be afraid of the 'woman' that completes this balding, bug-eyed, jug-eared troll. Hardly a 10 myself, I'm not usually one to talk about someone's looks but you have to admit, the man probably isn't getting any from any woman who can see. And he's definitely not getting any in a tea-room, backroom or dark alley from any discerning gay man. No wonder he's such a pent-up a**hole. Still, I'm willing to give him the benefit of doubt and blame his misguided perception on the decidedly un-Christian preachings of those who use selected portions of the Old Testament to justify their own ignorance and fear. 

And that's what homophobia boils down to: Fear. A topic I recently blogged about in my post Why Do We Hate?, fear is the driving force behind most of the evil mankind has committed against one another in all of recorded history. 

How do we fix it? I'm not sure. Most of the younger generation seems to get it. They've grown up in a more accepting and less-fearful age, where many of their friends are gay or trans. They know that one's sexuality doesn't totally define who or what one is. I say "most" because there are still some young folks who are being raised to hate by the same kind of misguided religious fundies like McCullough; Smith; Brown; Wildmon and Vander Plaats. And don't even get me started on complete lunatics like the Westboro Baptists. 

Someday, probably after you and I are long gone, people will realize that different doesn't equal evil and we are the result of the same genetic line. It won't matter if we're White, Black, Asian, Straight or Gay. Everyone will simply be 'Human.' Of course, we could just all stay on the path of ignorance and destroy the human race, altogether. I'm glad I won't be around to see that.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Spider-Creep

Ugh! In what is probably the single most unnecessary re-boot in Hollywood history, aggressively unattractive Brit twink Andrew Garfield is starring in The Amazing Spider-Man, due in theaters next July. Really?

My only question is: Why? Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy may not be perfect (okay, Spider-Man 3 was just this side of awful - but Spider-Man 2 remains one of the five* best super-hero movies ever made), but the franchise is less than 10 years old. Are there really that many Marvel fans out there clamoring for yet another Spider-Man origin story? I think not.

And while I may find the casting of Garfield reprehensible, even worse is Sally Field as Aunt May. For my money, Rosemary Harris is the quintessential Aunt May. Ms Field, while a fine actress, is just too... Gidgety (Yes, I said it). And no J. Jonah Jameson? What the...? The whole thing stinks to high heaven.

Director Marc Webb (insert ironic name here) may have scored with the hipster RomCom (500) Days of Summer (a movie I actually enjoyed), but he hardly seems qualified to helm a film about such an iconic character. And while Raimi's films addressed the cheesy humor found in the Marvel comics of the 60's and 70's, the teaser trailer for Webb's version seems all sturm und drang, concentrating on how hard it is to be a teenager (ala Twilight - another creep; double ugh!) rather than how fun it it is to be a superhero. Check it out below and tell me what you think:

I hope I'm proven wrong. Tim Burton proved us all wrong when he cast Michael Keaton as Batman; Neil Jordan proved us wrong when he cast Tom Cruise as Lestat and Martin Campbell proved us all wrong when he cast Daniel Craig as James Bond. Still, I can't help but think casting Garfield as Spider-Man is tantamount to casting Halle Berry as Catwoman. 

Either way, I'll be saving my July 2012 movie money for Christopher Nolan's final Batman film, The Dark Knight Rises.

 *The Top 5 in My Order:

5. Ironman

4. Superman; The Movie

3. Spider-Man 2

2. Batman Begins

1. The Dark Knight

More, anon.

Prospero

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Creepy Face Is Creepy

Our old friend Pareidolia is back, with a twisted vengeance. To many people, bugs are creepy enough as it is (though I only really have a problem with houseflies, because they eat feces). Add a creepy, one-eyed, mustachioed cowboy hidden in the folds of their insectoid anatomy, and many folks just lose their sh*t. Like my poor sister did. "I won't sleep for a week," she emailed me in response to my sending her this picture.

The folks at Icanhascheezburger (LOLCats) have an entire blog devoted to this topic, called Happy Chair is Happy. Of course, most of the images there are of inanimate objects, which most rational adults can look at with humor and move on. But when an image such as the one above belongs to a living thing, people tend to freak out a little. Of course, the freak-outs tend to be a little more extreme when the images are perceived to be of a religious or "holy" nature.

I love that so many people can be fooled by these images. We are conditioned from birth to recognize certain things, especially our own mothers' faces. Is it really surprising we should continue to do so throughout the rest of our lives? But knowing the difference between reality and coincidence is what separates the fools from the rationalists. Am I saying that there is a difference between the guy who sees Jesus on a toasted English muffin and the guy who admits that the random pattern of toaster marks might resemble the face of Jesus (as if anyone who didn't live 2011 years ago in Jerusalem would know the difference, anyway)? Yes. Yes, I am.

And while it may be fun and exciting to see Mother Teresa's face in the folds of a cinnamon bun, it's no more important (or miraculous) than recognizing Godzilla in a cloud off the coast of New England or a cowboy on the shoulder of a grasshopper.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Enough With the Creepy Talking Babies, Already

Considering all the Horror/Sci-Fi/Fantasy movies and shows I watch, you would think that very little would scare, unnerve or creep me out. And you'd be right. But there is one thing that disturbs me more than you can imagine - talking babies. I'm not not talking about babies and their first words. "Dada" and "Mama" are hardly scary and can be downright adorable under the right conditions.

No, I'm talking about CGI manipulated images of babies dubbed with adult voices, as seen in TD Ameritrade's commercials of late. Honestly, little else can make my skin crawl like those commercials. Except perhaps the 2002 CBS sitcom "Baby Bob," which starred Adam Arkin and Joely Fisher as the parents of a particularly precocious talking infant. The show also starred the underrated Holland Taylor (now stuck on the obscenely awful and inexplicably popular "Two and a Half Men") and former Mr. Barbra Streisand, Elliott Gould. Apparently, the show was so creepy, I couldn't find any clips of it, anywhere. According to Wikipedia, the character of Baby Bob originated in commercials for the now-defunct Freeinternet.com and after the show's run, reappeared in a series of commercials for the Quiznos sandwich chain:

Okay, I don't know what's creepier in that clip - the talking baby or the sexualization of an infant. Of course, the sexualization of young children always disturbs me. Especially in this context:

Dear God, why is a four year-old being referred to as "...a seasoned professional?" You might as well call her a "whore." The whole concept of child beauty pageants disgusts me. I recently got into a rather heated debate with an old friend about this very subject. Apparently, she had put her daughter through the pageant experience and found it to be positive and uplifting for the girl, who has (according to my friend) since gone on to well-adjusted life. I'm still dubious. Is it any wonder that some creep found JonBenet Ramsey such a turn-on that he had to kill her?* Growing up in the 60's and 70's, there were no children's pageants (or at least, none of which I was aware). Now, they are everywhere. And it saddens me that parents would subject their kids to wearing makeup, hairpieces, false teeth and suggestive costumes in order to win money and scholarships.

I firmly believe that children should be allowed to be children, and not be subject to their parents' fantasies or vicarious hopes.

Now that I have veered slightly off-topic, let's get back to Creepy Talking Babies, shall we?

Still... the sexualization of children continues to pervade the airwaves, especially in Ameritrade's (E*Trade) most recent Superbowl commercial in which the hip, talking baby not only has a girlfriend, but a piece on the side, as well:

It's almost like the Talking Tina episode of "The Twilight Zone":

Or even worse, this commercial for a real talking doll, Mattel's 'Baby Secret':

"I want to tell you a secret... you must kill Mommy and Daddy!"

Seriously, is it just me? Or have we all become so numb to advertising that we allow this kind of crap to go on? Did we learn nothing from "The Bad Seed;" "The Village of the Damned" "Children of the Corn" or "The Children?" More importantly have we learned nothing about the early-sexualization of children since the JonBenet Ramsey murder? That any parent can allow his or her child to subjected to this kind of judgment at such an early age, only manages to reinforce the stereotypes of beauty that Hollywood and Madison Avenue have foisted upon us for more than a hundred years. Should we be surprised that anorexia and bulimia are so prevalent among young girls? And should we be surprised that images of children in adult makeup and costumes encourage pedophiles to act on their deviant impulses? Okay - I'm all for attractive young adults showing off their bodies, but we need to draw the line somewhere.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

More, anon.
Prospero

*While there is no evidence to support the theory that JonBenet was killed by a pedophile, there is little doubt in my mind that such pageants encourage deviant behaviors among those already inclined toward such activity.

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The Creepiest Things You'll See This Week

Oh, dear. Some one left their Baby Jane Hudson doll at the malt shop. At least I hope that's what happened. Or if not, then I hope the woman in this photo does not have Internet access, because if you Google the word "creepy," hers is one of the first images to come up. What may be even worse, she actually reminds your Uncle Prospero of a woman at his day job (I'll leave it to my co-workers who read this blog to figure who it is, though I am sure they instantly made the connection). Not that I'm being mean here. The woman is actually creepy - crass, tacky and lacking any real social skills (or vocal volume control), the co-worker in question has never once looked me in the eye, no matter how many times I have smiled at her or tried to be friendly.

Still, that photo is only one of three very creepy things I have to share with you, tonight.

The second (via) is a rather controversial video from a New Yorker who noticed that food had begun to disappear from his apartment. After confronting his girlfriend (who denied eating the food) about it, he decided to put a surveillance camera in his kitchen:

From the comments on BoingBoing, a lot of folks think this video is a fake, mostly because the woman leaves her water jug behind when she crawls back into her hidey-hole. I'm not so sure it is a fake. First, it is New York City. There are plenty of loonies in the Big Apple who are more than capable of doing such a thing. Second, she's almost caught when the guy gets up for a drink in the middle of the night. That could be enough to rattle her into leaving the jug behind. And third, even if you are desperate for attention on the Interwebs, why would you go to such lengths to fake such a thing? There are plenty of other ways to get noticed on line. I haven't gone so far as to research the NYPD logs for documentation of this incident, but I think it's the real deal.

Finally, in the Creepy Anthropomorphic Robots category of creepiness (also via), comes this video of a robot dance competition in Tokyo last month. Way creepier than that Lou Bega robot* from last year:

I don't know if it's the plaid schoolgirl uniform or the expressionless, Anime-style face... but it's sure creepy, alright.

Uncle P has loads of fun stuff planned for the Zombie Zone tomorrow, so don't forget to check it out. Hope to see you here on Sunday...

*Is it me, or does that video remind you of Ray Harryhausen's giant crab from Mysterious Island?

More, anon.
Prospero

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