As of this writing, Australia and New Zealand are still standing well into 12/21/12 (and as I am updating this post it is actually 12:23 AM on 12/21/12 Eastern Time). But I started this post on 12/20 (confused yet?) just in time to celebrate the 200th Anniversary of the publication of the first edition of "Grimm's Fairy Tales" in 1812.
And two of television's most popular television shows (ABC's ridiculous "Once Upon a Time" and NBC's equally ridiculous but far superior, "Grimm") wouldn't be enthralling the masses. And while it wasn't exactly a blockbuster, we shouldn't forget innovative experimental director Terry Gilliam's 2005 film The Brothers Grimm, an underrated and under-appreciated fantasy about how the authors might have gained their inspiration. Never mind the perfect casting of Matt Damon; Heath Ledger; Jonathan Pryce; Peter Stormare; Lena Headey and Monica Bellucci -- the connecting of several real Grimm plots may have proven too much for audiences who just didn't get some of the more subtle jokes and obscure references.
Even worse, audienceswho only know the Disney versions of the stories and have no idea of the horrific elements in the original stories. Eyes plucked out by birds; heels and toes cut off to fit glass slippers; decapitated horse heads giving advice to a deposed princess; children hacking their families to death in a cannibalistic rampage... The stories may well have been written by Eli Roth or Stephen King.
So here's too 200 years or terrifying fantasies that didn't always have happily-ever-after endings and the movies they've inspired:
And of course, what kind of gay musical theatre icon would I be, if I didn't include at least one number from Into the Woods:
Happily ever after, my butt!
More, anon. Prospero
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I can't believe I missed the 4th Anniversary of Caliban's Revenge. It seems like just yesterday. But I suppose that since today is my birthday (yes, I'm a Cancerian, though many astrologers prefer the term "Moon Child") I can add the two together in one post.
And since I have done so before, I'm going to update my first real post "10 Fantasy/Sci-Fi Movies That Should Be Remade:"
10. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Steampunk is everywhere these days, and what better vehicle to exploit it than Jules Verne's classic novel about a pacifist and his nuclear submarine? Disney's 1954 classic version invented SCUBA (Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) and involves an investigation into narwhal attacks, but ends up releasing the Kraken. Modern effects could make or break a remake.
9. Logan's Run. This one has been kicking around forever. The original is pure cheese, dated and almost silly, though it won an Oscar for Special Effects. I wonder if Farrah Fawcett was one of them... Anyway, it's well overdue for an update that's truer to the source material.
8.The Haunting. Jan de Bont's abysmal remake isn't worth mentioning, though Robert Wise's original 1963 film adaptation of Shirley Jackson's novel remains the scariest movie ever made (I dare you to watch it alone with the lights off). Just imagine what a good director can do with the material today.
7. Something Wicked This Way Comes. Disney's 1983 version misses out on so many of the things that make Ray Bradbury's novel one of my all-time favorites. A better script (even though Bradbury wrote the Disney version), combined with modern FX would make Something Wicked... a true movie event.
6. The Exorcist. Currently playing as minimally staged play, William Peter Blatty's novel about demonic possession was a sensation, as was William Friedkin's movie. Personally, I never thought the movie all that scary (though I suppose belief in such things helps). While Dick Smith's physical makeup FX were state-of-the-art at the time, imagine that spinning head today.
5. The Shining. People who love Stanley Kubrick's version of The Shining have never read Stephen King's brilliant and terrifying novel about a haunted Colorado hotel and the family that spends a winter taking care of it. Give me the money to do so, and I'll make a version that will make you poop your pants!
4. Ghost Story. While I personally don't believe in ghosts, Peter Straub's novel about ancient evil really got to me when I first read it. Imagine my disappointment at the lame, truncated movie version.
3. The Stranger Within. This ABC TV Movie of the Week featured Barbara Eden ("I Dream of Jeannie") as a woman impregnated with an alien child. For the 70's, it was awesome. I imagine a new version would be even better.
2. Metropolis. Fritz Lang's silent masterpiece about social classes is more relevant today than ever before. A remake would be the ultimate 99% allegory.
1. The Wizard of Oz. Heresy, you say? Wicked is still a massive Broadway hit and Sam Raimi's Oz, the Great and Powerfullooks like it's going to be amazing. With so many remakes of other classics in the pipes, why not remake Hollywood's most famous fantasy? Do you know how many film versions of Alice in Wonderland there are?
I'll be seeing Chris Nolan's birthday present to me (The Dark Knight Rises) this weekend, but I have to know what movie(s) you would like to see remade.
More, anon. Prospero
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And in almost no other film is that so clearly demonstrated than his 1986 remake of the 50's Sci-Fi classic, The Fly. In the original 1958 movie, David Hedison plays a scientist intent on creating a teleportation device. On his first trip through, a common housefly is trapped in the machine with him, turning him into a fly-headed monster. Cronenberg takes that premise and elevates into something else, entirely. And today marks the 25th Anniversary of its release.
For those of you who've never seen it (and shame on you, if not), Jeff Goldblum plays Seth Brundle, a scientist whose severe travel sickness drives him invent a teleportation device and Geena Davis is Veronica Quaife, a reporter for a science magazine who thinks Brundle's crazy, until he demonstrates the machine for her. What starts as a professional relationship soon turns romantic and after a night of lovemaking, Seth realizes he needs to teach his machine about flesh. After successfully transporting a baboon, Seth decides to take the trip himself. As in the original, a fly is trapped in the telepod with him. But instead of creating a man with a fly's head and arm, the machine combines their DNA and creates something very different. Suddenly stronger and more aggressive (and craving sugar), Seth begins to mutate. As his "disease" progresses, his mind devolves and his relationship with Veronica deteriorates. In the film's most heartbreaking scene, Veronica visits Seth one last time, where his ramblings and appearance are too much and she flees.
Soon, Veronica discovers she is pregnant with Seth's baby and decides to have an abortion. But Seth kidnaps her before she can and as the last vestiges of his humanity slip away, he attempts to combine the DNA of Ronnie, their baby and himself in order to effect a cure. Ronnie's douche bag boss (John Getz) comes in at the last minute to save her, and the resulting Brundlefly/Telepod monstrosity begs her to kill him in one of the most intensely emotional endings of any Science Fiction film ever made.
Goldberg and Davis both give astonishing performances in The Fly, adding to the tragedy unfolding as the movie progresses (and it helps that Goldberg was at the height of his physical prowess). The fact that they were both overlooked come awards season is criminal and evidence of the various Academies general indifference to Horror and Sci-Fi. Howard Shore's score is the perfect compliment to the tragic horror and the supporting cast (which includes a cameo by Cronenberg as an OBGYN in a dream sequence) is terrific. The Oscar and Saturn award winning effects by Chris Walas are intense and gross and wonderful.
The movie has struck such a chord in popular culture, that Shore wrote an opera along with playwright David Henry Hwang (M. Butterfly - which Cronenberg also adapted into a film). It premiered in Paris in July 2008 and was subsequently performed by the Los Angeles Opera in September of the same year.
Even with today's CGI and 3D technologies, I dare you to find a more effective, disturbing and heart-wrenching Sci-Fi/Horror movie. 25 years later and the movie still holds up, evoking both emotional responses to its tragic romance and visceral responses to its gross-out special effects.
Cronenberg has recently talked about remaking the movie again, using modern SFX technology, though I doubt he'd be able to recreate the emotional intensity of his 1986 masterpiece.
More, anon.
Prospero
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I can't believe it's only and already been four years since I started Caliban's Revenge. I've learned a lot about myself and other folks; I've made new friends and heard opinions from some... interesting people. Most of all, I've found I'm not alone in many of my opinions, which is very reassuring.
I've averaged 11 followers a year (not great, but better than a couple of blogs I follow). I have no idea how many actual hits I've gotten (nor do I really care). More than anything, Caliban's Revenge is a way to leave a part of myself behind when I'm gone - my stamp on the world, if you will. "But Uncle P, you're a director and an actor. Surely, that will leave something of yourself behind." Perhaps, but the very nature of live theatre is fleeting - a one time thing every time, whether it's 1 or 500 performances. But my thoughts and opinions; these words and images are forever (or as long as humanity survives). That's longer than my particular genetic material will survive.
And now that I've gotten the "deep" stuff out of the way, let's talk about something important: movies. I started this blog with a list of movies which I thought should be remade. Since then, some of them have been (or will be) and consequently, that list has changed a bit since then. So let's take a look at 10 Movies that Should Be Remade; Vers. 4.0:
10. Logan's Run(1976) - Based on a novel by William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson, Michael Anderson's film won an Academy Award for special effects. It starred Michael York; Jenny Agutter; Richard Jordan; Farrah Fawcett and Peter Ustinov in a story about a society that values youth and beauty above all. Citizens are fitted with time-sensitive crystals in their palms and upon reaching the age of 30 (21 in the novel), they commit ritual suicide in something called "Carousel." Undoubtedly a product of the "never trust anyone over 30" hippie movement of the late 60's, Logan's Run is an interesting, but dated movie. If done correctly, it could be a very effective treatise on paranoia and everything that's wrong with Utopian societies.
A remake of Logan's Run is currently scheduled for release in 2012, with an already too-old-in-real-life Ryan Phillipe in the title role.
9. The Haunting (1963) - Robert Wise's version of Shirley Jackson's novel "The Haunting of Hill House" is probably one of the most frightening films ever made. It features an extraordinary performance by Julie Harris and some of the most terrifying sequences ever committed to celluloid. Still, it's very much a product of its time, and the hinted-at lesbianism of Claire Bloom's character deserves a modern perspective. Jan deBont's 1999 remake is an over-indulgent orgy of bad CGI and ham-fisted acting from Lily Taylor, Catherine Zeta Jones, Owen Wilson and Liam Neesom. Toned-down effects and subtler direction are needed to bring Jackson's classic into the 21st Century.
8. The Exorcist (1973) - William Friedkin's adaptation of William Peter Blatty's novel is a classic for many reasons, least of all the amazing performances from Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn, Max Von Sydow and Jason Miller. But the then-state-of-the-art effects from Dick Smith look as phony as can be (see especially the head-spinning). The movie caused quite a stir when it was first released but even six years later, when I finally saw it in its first re-release, it had lost much of it's impact. Nearly 40 years worth of effects evolution would benefit the story, especially in the hands of the right director, say... Sam Raimi or James Wan...
7. Sisters (1973) - An early Brian DePalma film about formerly conjoined twins (played by Margot Kidder), one of whom may or may not be a murderer. DePalma would visit the theme of the unbelieved witness in Dressed to Kill and Blowout, though neither film would match Sisters in creepiness. A big-budget remake could improve on the original's fascinating premise.
6. The Shining (1980) - Novelist Stephen King admits to hating Stanley Kubrick's version of his novel and as a fan of the novel, so do I. Not that it's a bad movie - it's just not the movie that King's novel deserves. Jack Nicholson and Shelley Duvall are woefully miscast; key plot points are completely ignored and things are invented for the movie which never happen in the book. Just about the only thing it gets right is teh casting of the late Scatman Cruthers. Even worse is Mick Farris' TV adaptation, which follows the plot of the novel more closely but because it's for TV, is forced to cut many of the more "adult" scenarios. This may well be another job for Raimi or maybe even Hostel director Eli Roth. In any case, The Shining deserves a faithful and truly frightening film adaptation.
5. Ghost Story (1981) - Much like The Shining, director John Irvin's adaptation of Peter Straub's brilliantly scary novel misses the point, completely. Lawrence D. Cohen's script reduces Straub's complex tale of ghostly revenge to its basest of elements, losing all of the novel's subtlety and true horror. While John Houseman, Fred Astaire, Melvin Douglas and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. are spot on as the members of "The Chowder Society" and genre fav Alice Krige makes an impressive debut, the things that made the book so creepy are ignored in favor of cheap thrills and 80's physical effects. Such a complex tale requires the touch of a director like J.J. Abrams, whose "Lost" managed to capture the complexity needed to tell Straub's story effectively.
4. Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983) - Ray Bradbury's tale about an evil carnival is the first novel I learned to analyze, thanks to a brilliant teacher named Jack Fogarty. It's a story about fatherly love, childhood magic and the redemption of the human spirit. Disney's 1983 version, directed by Jack Clayton (The Innocents) reduces Bradbury's novel to its basest, once again ignoring the book's subtler points. Jason Robards, Jonathan Pryce, Diane Ladd and Pam Grier do their best with Bradbury's script, but the movie doesn't do any justice to the book.
3. Planet of the Apes (1968) - Pierre Boulle's novel was adapted by screenwriters Michael Wilson and Rod Serling ("The Twilight Zone") into a very successful movie starring Charleton Heston, Roddy McDowell , Kim Hunter and Maurice Evans. Several sequels (each less well-made) followed. And in 2001, Tim Burton attempted a less-than-successful reboot. Later this summer, a new prequel, Rise of the Planet of the Apes starring James Franco, will arrive at local cineplexes. Modern effects and a script closer to Boulle's novel could make for a terrific and exciting movie.
2. The Incredible Mr Limpet (1964) - Don Knotts starred in this semi-animated story about a nerd who wished he was a fish, only to find his dream come true. This was a favorite of my sister and mine when we were kids, and I can imagine that today's film technology would make for a terrific (or horrific) remake. If you've never seen the original, I highly recommend it. IMDb lists a remake in development for a 2013 release.
1. The Stranger Within (1974) - With the upcoming release of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, it seems the perfect time to remake another ABC Movie of the Week. Barbara "I Dream of Jeannie" Eden starred in this tale of a pregnant woman who finds herself craving salt, raw meat and cold temperatures, only to realize that her unborn child is actually the result of a close encounter. Richard Matheson adapted his own short story in this rather effective TV movie. A big screen version could reinvigorate reflective Science Fiction.
More Anniversary nonsense to come...
In the meantime, what movies would you like to see remade? Enquiring minds want to know...
More, anon. Prospero
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That's me, the nut on the ground with his brains being eaten by zombie nuts (he-he - I said "zombie nuts").
This year's JTMF show was a tough one. I had an inexperienced actor who needed to be alternately coddled, yelled at and occasionally physically dragged into giving what ended up being a very fine performance; we had smaller than usual crowds and to be honest, I'm not getting any younger...
I'm very much looking forward to the upcoming 3-day weekend, if only to get some much-needed rest. Of course, I'll also be catching up on the housekeeping duties I neglected the last several weeks. My house and my car are both a mess and while my fridge is full, much of what's in there are ancient leftovers sorely in need of being deep-sixed. My tomatoes need weeding; a post out front is in desperate need of a paint job; there is a pile of bills that need paying; a graduation gift that needs to bought and a million and four other things... Of course, your list is probably just as long. Still, I'd love to say "Screw it!" and head down to Rehoboth or up to Provincetown for three days of debauchery, though how that would help me feel less tired, I'm not sure. I do have a vacation coming up at the end of July, part of which I'll be spending in Chicago, finally meeting one of my Stephens (among other things). Oh - and I'll be entering a new decade in a few weeks... Yikes! Why do I still think I'm 25?
All in all, I guess I could do worse this weekend. I could still be working in retail.
By the way, Caliban's Revenge will soon be celebrating it's 4th Anniversary (I can hardly believe it) and I have a few fun things planned, including my annual list of Movies that Need to Be Remade. I can't wait to see how this year's list differs from the very first one in 2008.
And on that note, I'll leave you with this pro Marriage Equality ad from 2008 (via):
More, anon. Prospero
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Today marks the anniversaries of the deaths of two prominent figures in both popular culture and my own life, who have more in common than one might initially suppose.
On August 16th, 1956, Bela "Dracula" Lugosi passed into the ether. His funeral was attended by a handful of his friends, including the infamously bad director, Edward D. Wood, Jr. As per his request, he was buried in his Dracula costume.
Lugosi had enjoyed a rather successful stage and film career in his native Hungary for quite a while before appearing as Bram Stoker's archetypal monster in the original Broadway production of Dean and Balderston's 1927 play, which in turn was adapted into the famous 1931 film by director Tod Browning. Women swooned and Lugosi became Universal's top star, though his refusal to wear the heavy makeup required to play Frankenstein's Monster would give his greatest rival his own iconic horror role. Lugosi would go on to appear in dozens of films, including White Zombie; The Black Cat; Island of Lost Souls (the first film adaptation of "The Island of Doctor Moreau") and Franz Lubitsch's classic comedy Ninotchka. Sadly, by the mid-to-late 40's, he had been reduced to appearing in self-parodying roles in films like Zombies on Broadway and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein:
By the mid-50's Lugosi was a washed up has-been, addicted to drugs and reduced to appearing in Ed Wood's tragically funny films Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Monster. Ironically, his last film was made two years after his death, when Wood used silent footage of the star at the start of what many have called "The Worst Movie Ever Made" (though many would argue that point), Plan Nine from Outer Space. Ironically,Martin Landau would go on to win an Oscar for his portrayal of Lugosi in Tim Burton's best film,Ed Wood:
Lugosi was a childhood idol, and I can remember being very upset when Dracula was shown to my 7th grade class (the novel was part of our curriculum) and most of the kids laughed at the, by then, corny movie. Being of Hungarian descent (with a little German and Scotch thrown in on my mother's side), I grew up thinking that if 'Uncle Bela' could be a star, then so could I.
Flash forward 21 years to 1977. I was about to enter my Junior year of High School that August when my mother tearfully informed me of the death of her own personal icon, Elvis Presley. Dad may have been an aficionado of Classical music (Beethoven and Wagner, in particular -- more on Dad's Nazi-leanings at another time), but Mom was a Rock 'N' Roller, and Elvis was the man she wished she could have married (along with millions of other gals in the '50's).
One of Uncle P's earliest stage memories -- I was maybe 8 or 9 -- was lip-synching to a45RPM vinyl recording of "Hound Dog" in front of my elementary school classmates. I seem to remember they all had a good time...
Elvis and Bela shared a similar career path - both were Pop Culture icons taken down by their addictions, though Elvis certainly enjoyed a longer and much more lucrative career. Both made some really awful movies:
Whatever happened to Mary Tyler Moore, anyway?
Elvis died of a drug-overdose, found by his daughter on the toilet. I can't imagine a more ignominious ending to the career of 'The King.' And while my mother still pays homage to Presley on the anniversary of his death, I can't help but make mention of how gorgeous and hot he was in that black leather outfit he wore for his 1968 "Comeback Special:"
Damn! I totally understand why women threw their panties on stage... and I have never been so jealous of Priscilla... And I know plenty of 'straight' boys that would have thrown themselves at this version of him.
What does all this mean? I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's just that legendary talent endures. Both Lugosi and Presley will remain icons of Pop Culture, as long as folks like myself continue to talk about them; post their images; view their works and aspire to be just like them - without the death-causing addictions, of course.
More, anon. Prospero
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25 years ago, a hilariously insane man-child met a (then) wunderkind director and together they created an 80's movie to which I connect far more than any John Hughes bagatelle (with one exception - and more on that, later), Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.
I was in probably still in high school when I discovered Paul Reubens' alter-ego, first as a bizarre stand-up comedian (in the late 70's and early 80's, there was no otherkind) and then as part of his own HBO special : "Pee-Wee Herman: The Boy Who Wished He Could Fly," which featured Reubens' fellow Groundlings Phil Hartman, Edie McClurg and Laurence "Larry" Fishbourne.
"I know just what I'm going to do with these, first!" *
My sister and I immediately embraced Reubens' fascination with childhood silliness and adult-worthy nonsense for the sake of nonsense. It was probably in the late 70's, as part of an HBO "Young Comedians" that really sent us over the top. Pee-Wee was very much a prop comic (no, not like the bizarre and roided-up Carrottop) and his use of a 'hypnotic' hand puppet sent us into gales of hysterical laughter.
One of Reubens' earliest TV appearances was on the infamous Chuck Barris' " The Gong Show" as part of the singing duo "Suave and Debonair:"
Obviously, this was the origin of the "Big Shoe Dance:"
But Big Adventure includes so many iconic moments, that a single post couldn't mention them all without posting almost the entire movie. But here are a few:
"Oh really? Where are they hosin' him down?"
God, I love Jan Hooks. I actually went to the Alamo and asked the guide to see the basement. Her exceptionally sarcastic response: "Ha-ha! I've never been asked that before!" My response? "Can you say that with me? A-doh-bee." They almost threw me out.
"I've seen better heads on boils!"
And more than I can even recount: the Breakfast Machine; "I meant to do that;" the phone call to Dottie; the palm-reader; the road signs on wheels; the studio chase scene; Dee Snyder; Godzilla and Mothra; James Brolin and Morgan Fairchild; "Everyone's got a big but...;" the Evil Clown surgeons; "Merci blah-blah.." etc., etc., etc. Almost every set-piece and almost every single line is sublimely silly perfection.
I'll save "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" and Reubens' fall from grace for another post. But I will tell you that after a successful Los Angeles run, Paul Reubens is bringing his new Pee-Wee show to Broadway this fall, and I have every intention of seeing it.
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By now, regular readers know that Brit action star Jason Statham is at the top of my obsession list. No, he doesn't have the beautiful good looks of Brandon Routh or even loony-tune Tom Cruise. But damn! -- He is Masculinity personified... All I ask is an hour alone with him... TMI? Maybe. But posts on Caliban's Revenge about hot men are not exactly a priority. In fact, there are only 23 posts in two years with the label "Hot." Still, in my book, they don't come much hotter than Mr. Statham. Of course, aesthetic taste is completely subjective. You may find Jason Statham repulsive, for any number of reasons.
Needless to say, these are all fantasy men, who probably wouldn't give Uncle P the time of day if he passed them in the street. But still... you have to admit they all share an undeniable hotness for any number of reasons. And while Caliban's Revenge may not be one "those" blogs (you know the ones I'm talking about, even if you won't admit to visiting them), when I see something I like, the shrinking violet I am can't help but talk about it.
Such is the case with latest hottie to catch my eye, Isaiah Mustafah, former NFL player and star of Gillette's brilliant "Old Spice" body wash campaign. Isaiah has been all ove the web, posting video responses to Twitter tweets and blog posts about the campaign:
I don't know about ya'll, but I'd have no trouble finding Isaiah in the woods, no matter how he smelled, especially if he was only wearing a towel.
Okay, enough TMI for one night.
More Anniversary Nonsense, anon.
Prospero
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Surprisingly, out of 284 posts on Caliban's Revenge with the label "Movies," there are only 123 with the label "Horror." Considering it always has been my favorite genre, I'm quite puzzled to find that less than half my movie posts were about (or at least mentioned) Horror Movies.
In December of last year, as the decade was closing, I made a list of the Top Ten Horror Movies of the Decade, but I don't think I've ever done a Top Ten Horror Movies of All Time. And since I'm still in Anniversary Celebration mode, I figured "What he hell? Why not?" So here, for the first time ever, is Uncle Prospero's 10 favorite Horrors of all time. And just so you know... I have tried to be as selective as possible in separating Horror from her two cousins, Sci-Fi and Fantasy, though it wasn't always easy, as you will see. So, without further ado and mostly chronological order...
Director Robert Wiene's German Expressionist Horror masterpiece concerns a carnival hypnotist and his "somnabulist" slave, Cesare. Weird angles; portrait-like set-ups; light and shadow juxtaposition; surrealist sets... name a trait of German expressionism - it's in The Cabinet... (all puns intended). Wiene, along with directors like Fritz Lang, Carl Bose and F.W. Murnau, was already trying to experiment with and redefine the fledgling American art form. Considered by many to be the first actual Horror Movie and told primarily as a flashback, the film also features a "twist" ending worthy of O'Henry - long before M. Knight Shamalamadingdong's father was born.
In the late 90's, I was lucky enough to attend a Halloween screening ofRupert Julian's original film version of Gaston Leroux's novel in the chapel (really a Cathedral) at Princeton University. The movie was accompanied by a live organist who played the original score. Let me tell you, when Mary Philbin's Christine pulled the mask off of Lon Chaney's Erik, there were still genuine screams among the audience. What else needs to be said about a 70+ year-old movie that still makes girls scream?
Hungarian actor Bela Lugosi became a star with his performance in the stage version of Bram Stoker's Gothic novel about the Carpathian blood-sucker, so it was only natural that directo Tod Browning cast him the movie version. Probably the first horror movie I can remember seeing, Dracula is still a fascinating, atmospheric film. All that having been said, the Mexican version (shot on the same sets at night) is technically a better movie.
I apologize in advance for the tool hosting this clip, but it was the best example I could find:
Gay director James Whale's masterpiece sequel is both horrific and hilarious, featuring wonderfully daft performances from Colin Clive and Ernest Thesinger as Dr. Pretorious. A study in style:
Producer Val Lewton (I Walked with a Zombie) and director Jacques Tournier created this creepy story about metamorphic race or leopard people. Paul Schrader's 1982 remake, starring Nastassja Kinski and Malcolm McDowell was a special-effects shocker, but couldn't hold a candle to the oh-so-atmospheric original.
How much more can anyone say about the single most influential Horror movie ever, made a master filmmaker at the height of his career? Psycho not only changed filmmaking, but also changed audience attendance habits. Hitch insisted that no one be allowed in the theatre 10 minutes after the movie started and audiences have arrived for movies before showtime, ever since.
Director Tobe Hooper makes his first appearance on this list with his low-budget tale of a cannibalistic family of lunatics was inspired (as was Psycho) by Kansas serial killer Ed Gein and his house of horrors, which included furniture made from human bones. Showing no actual gore, Hooper (making his first of two appearances on this list) made a terrifying movie that would eventually establish the 80's slasher phenomenon. It intoduced an iconic Horror villain (Leatherface) and Hooper's 1986 sequel, set mostly in the tunnels beneath an abandoned amusement park, is as close to a filmed nightmare as I care to come.
Another low-budget shocker from director John Carpenter, Halloween started a Horror sub-genre that still thrives, today. Slasher movies were a staple of 1980's Horror and the recent (though rather lame) remakes of TCM, Halloween and Friday the 13th prove the staying power of the genre. It also made a star out of Jamie Lee Curtis and a cult celebrity out of PJ Soles.
Director Sam Raimi (the only other director with two films on this list) made his mark with this cheapie about a group of teens in an abandoned cabin in the woods, who unwittingly unleash an army of Canderian demons. The sequel is basically a comedic remake which inspired an hysterical Off-Broadway musical.
Stephen Spielberg produced Tobe Hooper's biggest hit (and best film) about a suburban family plagued by the restless spirits of people who have had a development built atop their graves in one of the few movies in which both my sister and I can tell you what's happening simply by hearing the score. Closets, televisions, clown dolls and tennis balls have never been the same. "It knows what scares you..."
Sam Raimi returned to the genre that made his career in one of the most exciting, disgusting and hilarious Horror movies of the last 30 years. Christine pisses off an old gypsy woman, and is cursed to be dragged to hell by the demon Lamia...
Micheal Dougherty's anthology is the most fun I had seeing a horror movie since Drag Me... and I am looking forward to both its sequel and whatever else Dougherty has in store:
Yes, there are plenty of Horror movies I love, but these are my favorites. And don't even start in on me about The Exorcist - a very good, but not scary (to me, at least) film. So, what are your favorite Horror movies? You know I love to hear from you.
More celebration, anon. Prospero
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Shane Mercado remains a very tiny footnote in entertainment history for two reasons:
One, he had a viral video hit with his home-video version of Beyonce's "Single Ladies," featuring a scantily-clad Mercado replicating the dance from the video in his own bedroom.
And two, his video was the first-ever "The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week" her on Caliban's Revenge. That's Shane and Gaga's Beyotche, backstage at a concert.
Still, as I found my voice and style (cobbled together with a few things borrowed from other -- often better -- bloggers), Mercado provided me with a running gag/recurring theme and endlessly amusing personal meme, of sorts. I suspect a straight blogger would probably be called on this... unless he or she had already established his/her gay-friendliness. But I digress. Here's the one that started it all in October of '08:
Wow! That's still pretty gay. My next TGTYSTW (that's an odd acronym that needs shortening or abandonment...) post wasn't until the following December and featured a young man playing Stripper in the Shower (until his Mom catches him). Here's MrEladdy in Britney's "Circus:"
Yeah... still pretty darn gay.
The next Gayest Thing post was a clip from the FX series "Nip/Tuck," which has since been removed from YouTube, but features yoga and a gentlemen who wants his *ahem* reduced because he can't stop *woo-hooing* it. Of course, even the straight boys will tell you that if they could, they would...
And I'll be damned if I can find the original (I'm tired), but I know I posted this adorable twink's bathroom Karaoke version of Kelly Clarkson's "I Do Not Hook Up" sometime in there, as well:
So cute! Since then, The Gayest Thing posts have gone on to include plenty of stories, videos and links some might find offensive. And to those people, I say "Get a Life!" Don't like what you see? Change the channel. Visit another website. Leave the theatre.* Close your eyes. Oh, sorry... that's right. They're already closed.
Here are a few more of The Gayest Things I saw and shared over the last few years:
That was Sweet and Low-down...
Have you ever seen 3 more adorable Bears?
Only my favorite Flashmob video ever! It makes me wanna dance!
Oh, Torchwood, how I miss you!
Is it sad that I totally identify with that boy?
Beautiful. But now I want a shave and a haircut...
And most recently, this dirty little Mime (is there any other kind?) video, "Silence=Filth."
Oh dear... I think I may have contracted the vapors!
More Anniversary Nonsense, anon. Prospero
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Today marks the 2nd Anniversary of Caliban's Revenge, and I had my sister bake me a cake just for the occasion. Mmmm-mmmm, Bedelia!
Actually, I do wish my sister would make me a zombie cake. She hasn't done one, as far as know, but she's getting pretty good and with the right design, I'd bet she do a kick-ass job, too. And since this is the 2nd time I've mentioned zombie cakes and how great I think she'd be at making them, I hope she gets the hint and has a zombie-riffic surprise waiting for m ethe next time I come to visit.
Anyway, since this the Official Anniversary of the blog, I thought it would be fun to revisit and update the very first post I ever wrote, long before I learned how to embed videos, add pictures and create hyperlinks. You can revisit the original, primitive post here, if you want to compare. I'm going last to first, this time and I've beefed up the commentary quite a bit, in addition to adding as much video as possible and links to the original films' posters and stills. My writing style has also changed quite a bit in the last two years, as I have become more comfortable revealing more about myself with my readers.
Of course, if it weren't for Caliban's Revenge, I never would have 'met' the fabulous Stephen Rader; the free-spirited Post Apocalyptic Bohemian or the adorable (and currently CBF*-afflicted) Sean at Just a Jeep Guy, all of whom were among my first followers and all of whom I have come to think of as friends. The Fates only know what would happen if we all got together in the flesh at the same piano bar -- some sort of rainbow-leather-unicorn-spandex-bearsplosion, probably. Or a brand-new version of "The Golden Girls." I'd have to be Dorothy, I guess.
*Carol Brady Flip, poor thing. BTW - Who the hell even imagined that Florence Effing Henderson created the mullet? Damn you and your Wesson oil, woman!
I know I complain about sequels and remakes all the time, but there are some movies that deserve a second (or third) version for modern audiences. And with that in mind, here are:
Ten Fantasy/Horror/Sci-Fi Movies that Should be Remade.
Based on the novel co-authored by William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson, Logan's Run is a dystopian tale about a hedonistic 23rd Century society which values youth and beauty above all else. At birth, each citizen is given a palm implant which turns red upon it's wearer's 30th birthday (21st, in the book), whereupon they are to report to something called 'Carousel' for Re-birthing. Those who try to escape Carousel are called Runners and the special police assigned to catch them are called Sandmen. Logan is a Sandman who falls in love and becomes a Runner. The movie starred Michael York; Jenny Agutter; Richard Jordan; Farrah Fawcett and Peter Ustinov. It won an Academy Award for its by-now-not-so-special effects, but was hardly the definitive version of the novel. Lots of attractive, scantily-clad people don't hurt.
How to Fix It: Go back to the source material. Nolan and Johnson haven't exactly written a masterpiece, but the book is so much more compelling that the screenplay by David Goodman. Hire David Goyer for the re-write.
Directed By: Stephen Spielberg. No one handles thoughtful Sci-Fi like he does. If he keeps the CGI to a minimum and approaches it from it's most human level, it could be one his many masterpieces.
Remake Prognosis: This property has been kicking around for almost 40 years. I'll believe it when I see it.
This Rankin-Bass adaptation of Tokien's LOTR prequel featured a premiere cast of voice artists (including the astonishing performance artist Brother Theodore as Gollum). Of course, we all know that Mexican auteur Guillermo del Toro has moved on as director of the Peter Jackson produced live-action version and ridiculous rumors abound on the Net about where the project is headed.
How to Fix It: Jackson and his team have already been at work on a screenplay. In order to make it stylistically consistent with Jackson's trilogy, the obvious thing for him to do is direct it himself.
Who Should Star: Obviously Ian McKellen, Andy Sirkus and Cate Blanchett should reprise their roles, though I would probably cast a complete unknown as Bilbo.
I know - blasphemy, right? Well, nothing could be more blasphemous to Robert Wise's brilliant and terrifying adaptation of Shirley Jackson's "The Haunting of Hill House" than Jan DeBont's beyond-atrocious 1999 remake. Julie Harris, Russ Tamblyn and Claire Bloom lead the cast of Wise's pants-poopingly scary movie, while Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta Jones and Lily Taylor head up the ridiculous remake.
How to Fix It: Again, it boils down to the source. Jackson is one of maybe four authors who have actually managed to keep me awake at night. How hard can it be?
William Friedkin's masterpiece has been called the "Scariest Movie of All Time," by more than one critic, blogger or movie fan. I have to disagree. If you are a Christian (and in particular a Catholic), I can understand how this movie may have affected you. But by the time I saw it (six years after its original release), I had pretty much concluded that the Devil was bullcrap and I found myself oddly unaffected. I did attend a screening of the 25th Anniversary Edition, which included the infamous "spider-walk" sequence, though I had much the same reaction. I think it was the obviously fake head-spin that did me in.
How To Fix It: Replace Dick Smith's then state-of-the-art physical makeup effects with limited, quality CGI.
This early Brian DePalma film involves a pair of once-conjoined twins, one of whom is homicidal. A pre-Superman Margot Kidder stars in DePalma's first, low-budget attempt at an Hitchcockian thriller.
How To Fix It: A real budget would help. And a script from someone like Christopher McQuarrie wouldn't hurt.
Who Should Star: As Danielle and Dominique, Anne Hathaway could finally break away from the good girl roles that have defined her career so far.
Who Should Direct: This is the perfect opportunity for Adrian Lynne to make a comeback.
Director Frank Darabont continues to list this film among his upcoming projects, though there as been little progress on the project in several years. The original adaptation of Ray Bradbury's dystopian novel, directed by French auteur Francois Truffaut is a sterile, joyless film which somehow misses the point (and homespun appeal) of Bradbury's celebration of literature.
How To Fix It: For the third time in this post, I suggest a return to the source. This future may be dystopian, but Bradbury's style is what makes the story so compelling.
Neither Stanley Kubrick's 1980 adaptation nor Mick Garris' 1997 TV version fully capture the sheer terror of Stephen King's novel about a haunted hotel in Colorado and the family drawn into it's evil. While making a fine film, Kubrick's version is miles away from what King wrote, and while Farris' TV version is closer to the source, it still lacks the sense of dread King manages to build in the novel.
How To Fix It: Once again, I have to go with the source. King is among those few who keep me awake, and "The Shining" is one of the first novels to do that to me. A Darabont-scripted adaption would rock the house.
John Boorman's take on the Arthurian legend is a gorgeous (if languid) version of "The Once and Future King," starring Nigel Terry; Helen Mirren; Gabriel Byrne; Nicol Williamson; Liam Neeson; Patrick Stewart and the almost beatific Nicholas Clay, is lovely to look at, if nothing else.
How To Fix It: How many times do I need to say it? Source, source, source.
Who Should Star: This is a really difficult one. Rufus Sewell as Arthur (?); Jude Law as Lancelot; Jake Gyllenhall as Gawain; Gwenneth Paltrow as Guenevere and Johnny Depp as Merlin.
Who Should Direct: Since del Toro is off The Hobbit...
Author Peter Straub's brilliantly layered novel of ancient evil was given short shrift in the 1981 movie which explored only one aspect of the novel's complex plot. The ancient cast of venerables still held some level of relevance in 1981 and included Fred Astaire; Melvyn Douglas; Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and John Houseman. Almost-was Craig Wasson was the young hero, while future Borg Queen and genre fave Alice Krige marked her feature debut. Larry Cohen's screenplay lacks the depth and intensity of Straub's novel, while John Irvin's direction is workman-like, at best.
How to Fix It: Um... hello? Have you been reading this post? Peter Straub is the author and/or co-author of four of my all-time favorite novels (we'll save those** for another post) and "Ghost Story" proved to be one of the most complex and original horror novels I had ever read.
Who Should Star: Robert Redford; Clint Eastwood; Hal Holbrook; James Garner; Dominick West and Cate Blanchett.
Who Should Direct: Calling Mr. Fincher. Mr. David Fincher? I have a suggestion for a David Fincher...
A very special English teacher by the name of Jack Fogarty introduced me the works of Arthur Conan Doyle; Agatha Christie and Ray Bradbury when I was 13 or so, just about the age of Bradbury's protagonist in the novel. Having grown up attending the NJ State Fair and spending day trips on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights, my affinity for carnivals was set in place as firmly as my father's love of classic horror movies. When I read the book (the very first I was able to dissect, academically), I pictured myself as young Will, fighting against forces he can't possibly understand with only the power of his father's love to protect him. Disney's disappointing film version stars Jason Robards, Jonathan Price, Diane Ladd, Royal Dano and Pam Greer and (much like Ghost Story), barely grazes the surface of Bradbury's novel.
How to Fix It: Nope. Not gonna say it again.
Who Should Star: Kelsey Grammer as Will's Dad; Alan Rickman as Mr. Dark; Jim Carrey as Tom Fury; Diane Lane as Mrs. Nightshade; Beyonce as the Dust Witch and two young unknowns as Will and Jim.
Who Should Direct: Guillermo del Toro would have a field day with this material.
Remake Prognosis: I heard some early rumblings about a remake a few years back, but Disney has been pretty quiet on the subject. Maybe if the Tron sequel is a hit...
So, what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss something you'd like to see redone? Over the next few days, I'll be revisiting several old posts as part of the Anniversary Celebration. Check them out and let me know what you think. You know I love hearing from you.
More, anon. Prospero
** 4 of my 10 favorite novels: Ghost Story; Shadowland; Floating Dragon; The Talisman
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