Under Where? TGTYSW (NSFW Version)

Gay Underwear Designer, Andrew Christian

Wow, that's a lot of acronyms in one blog post title. Of course, NSFW is one we're all familiar with by now: Not Safe For Work. And if you read Caliban's Revenge with any regularity at all, you may have sussed out that TGTYSW = The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week. Field space makes for strange acronyms. And the video I am about to share is most certainly the gayest thing you'll probably see all year. The ridiculous pun goes back to an elementary school joke: "What are you eating under there?" 

Andrew Christian is well known for marketing his products to young, gay men with lots of disposable income to waste on frivolity. And believe me, I know - quality underwear is hardly frivolous. A traditional "tighty whities" boy growing up, once Uncle P discovered boxer-briefs, there was no going back. I may have experimented with the bikini brief, briefly. But that was back in the 70's and who wasn't experimenting with something in those days? 

Personally, I don't find Mr. Christian's line to my taste. I have nothing against colorful britches (my personal favorite pair of boxer-briefs is Blood Red, of course) but I just don't understand how one can be actually be comfortable in some of his more daring designs. I'm also not particularly a fan of the twinky young 'models' (i.e. porn star wannabes) he uses. Being a full-blooded Ursan, I tend to like 'em bigger and fuzzier And now that you know WAY too much about me, here is The Gayest Video You'll Ever See Which Isn't Actually Porn (NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!!):

Now that's about as far from Magic Mormon Underwear as one can get! Coincidentally, tomorrow is laundry day at Chez Prospero. 

Bottom line (every pun intended), why anyone would spend the kind of money Christian wants for his skimpy drawers when Hanes does an even better job of providing support and mystique, is beyond me. I can buy 5 pair of Hanes boxer briefs at Target for less than half the cost of one pair of Andrew Christian's 'Candy Pop' drawers.

Then again, I don't have the kind of money the poor, vapid idiots this campaign is designed for have. And even if I did, I would hope that I would use it in more socially productive way. Still, I suppose the old Madison Avenue adage applies: Sex Sells. Just ask Jon Hamm.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Homoerotic Spanish & Pervy Kiwi Advertising (Possibly NSFW Edition)

It's not like advertisers never knew we existed as a target audience. It's just that now it's finally cool to acknowledge our dollars may well be 'pink,' but they're also just as green as everyone else's.

And while neither of these ads is specifically targeting gay audiences, there is a certainly homoerotic quality to the running pants ad (via - link may be NSFW) from Spain's ES Sportswear, I've embedded below. Loaded with crotch and ass shots, butt-slapping, chest-stroking and arm-linking; its rather obvious to whom ES really wants sell their brand.

Then there's this parody commercial purporting to be for product from New Zealand, featuring a spokesperson whose highly exaggerated Kiwi accent turns it into something hilariously and possibly NSFW pervy (also via):

Some NZ folks are unhappy about that clip, while others find it as childishly hilarious as Uncle P did. It was probably made by an Aussie... or a Tasmanian. (Ha! I bet you were expecting a Warner Brothers joke there. Nope! Pwn'd). 

I almost did another Retro-Review of a recent Indy and Oscar favorite tonight, but I'm still mulling parts of it over. There was some beautiful imagery; lots of wry humor and some beautifully underplayed performances, but it all seemed a bit too self-aware. I'll elaborate soon (or not - it all depends).

More, anon.

Prospero

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The Gayest Month You'll Start This Week

The Gayest Breakfast You'll See This Week (4 Bears Only)

Notice: Some links in this post may be NSFW, depending on where you work. I hope by now, no one really needs the link to that acronym. 

Anyway...

I actually did make pancakes and sausage this morning for brunch, though not nearly as many  of the Pride Cakes (Flip Jacks?) as you see in the image on your left. Mine were actually much smaller, rather misshapen* and regular pancake colored, even though they were whole-wheat. And I used local honey in place of syrup. I do try, though I simply refuse to give up butter. I don't go nuts, but I'm not about to eat something even poop-eating flies supposedly won't touch. Butter's flavor and texture are so necessary for so many recipes. While most, if not all of them, can be made using less butter combined with olive oil, they simply cannot be made with hydrogenated vegetable oils, which are far, far worse for you than honest-to-goodness cow's milk butter. 

Wow. That escalated quickly. 

Sorry for the tangent... because this post isn't about food or cooking or diets or anything other than the fact that June 1st marks the start of Pride Month here in the U.S. Usually at this time of year, Uncle P is either directing or in a JTMF benefit show (our only event this year isn't until October, but more on that, anon). This year, I have the leisure of being able to attend multiple Pride events, should I so desire, without having to man a booth or table at any of them. I've never been to NYC Pride or even Philly Pride. I've only ever been to NJ Pride which is held in Springsteen Central, Asbury Park at the Jersey Shore, which is being held tomorrow. I've been three times, but have never gotten to see the parade, because I was always manning the JTMF table, in hopes of drawing audience members and/or donors. I have a very funny NJ Pride story about D & Siah; a Velcro fly; a very drunken, horny twink named Noel and an Evil You-Know-What for another time. While I have always had time to wander the grounds and visit the other booths, I was never able to see the parade or really mingle with the multitude of gay Guidos on hand.

Here's the thing: I'm not sure I really want to go to any of them. But I actually kind of do. I may decide to brave the traffic and the crowds and go to Philly Pride next Sunday. I've always had a great time checking out the different booths and vendors at NJ Pride (yes, and the hotties), and expect I'd like Philly's version just as much, if not more. I just need to convince someone to join me. Any takers?

Although, if this is the best promo they can come up with, maybe we're all better off staying home:

Really, Philadelphia? Find a new agency, quick, before the Copyranter craps all over that crap. As well he should.

This June, celebrate yourselves, no matter what you sexuality! Celebrate your loved ones who support you and love you for who you are!. Celebrate your partner, if you are lucky enough to have one. Celebrate love, because that's all any of us want and everything all of us deserves. Don't ever stop fighting the haters and the liars.

We've seen more wins than defeats, this past year. Hopefully, SCOTUS will rule in favor of Marriage Equality and the U.S. will join the 21st Century along with the 14 other countries who have embraced marriage rights for all their citizens.

More, anon.
Prospero

*Don't even say what you're thinking, perv!

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First 1st Date In a Very Long Time

I Hope He's Not a "Dud"

So, having (mostly deliberately) been single for quite some time, it suddenly dawned on Uncle P that he wasn't getting any younger. And while I have so many wonderful and loving friends in my life, I hated being the 5th or 7th at dinner. And not just that; I missed intimate contact. So, a few months ago I joined a couple of dating sites, hoping to meet someone who wasn't just out for a booty call. 

I corresponded with some very attractive and very interesting people, most of whom were as far away as Sweden and Brazil. Not exactly conducive to a serious relationship, though they helped me get a feel for the online dating thing in the 21st Century (it can be very scary out there).  Now you must remember, I am a man of size and well-over 40. My chances of finding a life partner at this point in my life are... well, let's say 'low.' I met my last BF online through AOL, so you know how long ago that was...

About three weeks ago, I was contacted by T, through one of the sites I'd joined. He lived within driving distance; we shared more than a few traits in common and from his photos on the site where we were matched, he seemed reasonably attractive. We went back and forth through the site's email system a few times and then went to personal emails which soon led to texting and actual phone conversations and even more photo sharing. We thought we might have a connection and finally decided we should meet. Tonight was that meeting.

Now, Uncle P is no fool. Hannibal Lecter; Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy all looked great on paper.  T and I met at a chain restaurant (where our server was an theatre acquaintance of mine) for a few drinks, appetizers and dessert. I arrived first and secured a booth with a view of the door and waited (I have a habit of being early, except when it counts -- oops! TMI?). I waited, a little more than nervous and warming my hands by alternately blowing and sitting on them. I texted him: "I'm here. Got a booth with a view of the door." 

I couldn't help but have this bit of nonsense running through my mind:

A few minutes later, T arrived and I waved. He waved back and approached and we both had broad smiles on our faces. My anxiety level dropped almost immediately.

T was not only even more attractive in real life, but funny, warm and very sweet. Easy to smile and laugh with a devilish cleft chin, T was, well... charming. Over the next several hours we talked about tons of things (including brief stops on exes; theatre; sports; work; movies; parents; friends and who the hell knows what else), all the while (warning - Cheese Alert) playing 'footsie' under the table. We both admitted that friends had offered escape plans if things weren't going well, but neither of us used them. Two and and half hours flew by and I can't remember the last time I had such a good time on a first date.

And you will all be proud to note that as much as I wanted to do so much more than play 'footsie' with T, we both retired to our own homes for the evening, after the promise of a second date and some rather chaste kisses in the parking lot.

I must admit, I'm feeling a lot better about myself than I have in a long time. Of course, I'm not counting any chickens, but I am very much looking forward to Date # 2. And I'm so glad that tonight was nothing like this:

Bad movie. Very good first date.

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Gayest Things You'll See This Week (Possibly NSFW Edition)

NPH Goes Bollywood Sexy!

As you may have noticed, my taste; interests and (hopefully) my life might be described as 'eclectic.' When it comes to movies, I may have some favorite genres, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy others. The first time I actually appreciated a Bollywood musical number was in the delightful and underrated romantic comedy The Guru. Sure, it was Americanized, but I was intrigued by the dance style and wanted more. Luckily, Baz Luhrman gave us an even more elaborate number in the finale to Moulin Rouge and I was hooked. I started seeking them out, learning quickly the difference between a good Bollywood musical and a bad one (production values make all the difference). The plots of most of these films are for the most part, preposterous star-crossed lovers stories or tales of syndicated crime (sometimes both in the same movie). But they all feature those fascinating andcomplex dance numbers. Of course, many of you were with me when I first learned about a Bollywood superstar who is quickly growing into an official "Obsession" (though he'll never replace THE Obsession). I'm referring to the very talented, very hot Hrithic Roshan (sigh...).

His eyes! His face! His body! His dancing! Honestly, I have no qualms about saying Roshan's dance skills put Michael Jackson's to shame. Don't get me wrong, Jackson was a damn good dancer. Roshan is undoubtedly better. Of course, Roshan's 'complete package' and a hotness level of 17 on scale of 1 to 10, eclipses everything else anyway. (sigh...). He truly is stunningly beautiful, isn't he? (sigh..). No, really. I'm fine. (sigh...).

Of course, the one thing Bollywood musicals very rarely celebrate, is gay love. Step right up, Prince Harris. Oh - Let me 'splain, Lucy. If Ellen is our High Queen Lesbian and Elton our High Queen Queen, then America's gay boy next door Neil Patrick Harris is decidedly our naughty, irascible and adorable Clown Prince Harry, providing an exceptionally positive role model for today's queer youth, whether he acknowledges it or not. Neil has a YouTube channel called "Neil's Puppet Dreams," which is a series of shorts in which Neil 'dreams in puppet.' Often silly, sometimes racy and always  hilarious, I've been a fan from the start. In the 'Season Finale,' Harris and company go after about 104 topics (alight, maybe 6 or 7...) in their best, most elaborate and smartest episode yet:

The man makes me smile every time I see him, no matter what he's doing and seeing him in a splashy, exceptionally clever, pointed and funny Bollywood parody is a treat. Seriously, who doesn't love Neil Patrick Harris? I know of no one.

And since we're in Bollywood, it's only a slightly longer flight to Oz. In what be the stretchiest segue ever, Australia is the Eastern Hemisphere's equivalent to the U.S. in it's scared-to-commit but happy-to-accept-pink-dollars attitudes. The popular majority supports Marriage Equality, but the governing conservatives do not. Sound familiar? The difference is, Australia has never been afraid to openly, joyously and willingly court gay tourism. Via AccidentalBear.com (site may be NSFW), comes this video promoting a party called "John Homosocial (Australia Day Weekend)." While there is no actual nudity, plenty of very naughty things are rather obviously implied and it may well be NSFW:

JOHN HOMOSOCIAL (AUSTRALIA DAY WEEKEND) from Nik Dimopoulos on Vimeo.

And since it seems I unknowingly set up a pattern here (and please let me know if you recognize it, too -- you know, to prove to me I'm not crazy) let's end with a very funny, very NSFW but ultimately endearing tribute to... um... Mom? Ew. But Yay! I'm confused. (also via)

Gurl, I feel your... well, I get it. Literally can't live with 'em and can't live without 'em, eh?  I was also going to post a link to the trailer of a documentary currently playing at Sundance, but decided I was tired of talking about a person involved with it and changed my mind. You probably know who I'm talking about.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Which Is More Gruesome? Plus: Commercial of the Year

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan Winning in Scary MoVie

So, I found both of these trailers for upcoming movies on Towleroad, each accompanied by some brief copy/snark, but no real discussion. So I thought I'd discuss them.

First, Towleroad said "This is what Lindsay Lohan has been reduced to:" and linked to the trailer for the fourth sequel the increasingly awful Scary Movie franchise. Created in 2000 by the once-funny Wayans Brothers and since obtained by the once-funny Zucker Brothers, the first two Scary Movie movies parody the Scream  franchise. But as they made more films, they incorporated move Horror subgenres. By the time Sheen first appeared in the series, he was doing his pre-douche Mel Gibson in Signs. And Zucker perennial Leslie Nielsen was The President as if  played by Dubya, himself. Even into the last movie in the series (2006's Scary Movie 4), they all featured under-recognized comedic genius Ana Farris as Cindy Campbell and "Ally McBeal" alum Regina King as her best friend, Brenda Meeks (who dies in every one of the movies, much like Kenny on "South Park"). Six years later, David Zucker and Pat Proft are still trying to milk the property for all it's worth with Scary MoVie (i.e. Scary Movie 5):

 

At least Farris and King were smart enough  to stay away this time, while I imagine Lohan and Sheen are as desperate for attention as they always have been.

Horror parody isn't easy and can never be lazy. Comedic horror is even harder, though writer/directors Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson made rather lucrative careers for themselves by getting it so very right. As did hottie hyphenate Eli Roth (who's debut feature Cabin Fever was both hilarious and horrific), who recently produced; co-wrote and starred in the English language debut of Chilean director Nicolas Lopez, Aftershock. The story of an American tourist looking for a good time (Roth) who finds himself among the survivors of a massive earthquake Aftershock soon devolves into a kill-or-be-killed survival story. As with most projects in which Roth is involved, the loss of humanity and gory, violent mayhem ensues.

Yikes! While I find that first trailer scary because it's so sad, I find the second one scary because it probably isn't far from reality. And what a tag line! "The only thing scarier than Mother Nature is human nature." Roth was supposed to film Stephen King's non-zombie zombie novel "Cell" but the deal fell through. I'd love to see the "Bear Jew" take the zombie genre for a spin. 

And just to lighten the mood on Christmas Eve eve, though I'm embarrassed to admit that I cannot remember where I found it, here is something of an anomaly for me: a commercial I actually love. Most TV advertising is insipid at best and downright awful at worst (particularly on the local level). Occasionally, some ad agency will come up with a clever and memorable campaign. While rather  rare in the U.S., truly memorable and clever commercials seem the domain of Europe and South America. This one, from a Belgian newspaper group, is downright brilliant:

There is hope for the printed word, yet. 

More, anon. 

Prospero

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Zombie-licious!

Michael Rooker as Merle Dixon on AMC's "The Walking Dead"

Okay - enough with The Theatre (for now, anyway). Let's talk about Zombies (one of Uncle P's favorite topics), shall we?

First off, AMC has released the first photos which confirm the return of Michael Rooker as Merle in Season 3 of "The Walking Dead." Merle was last actually seen in Season 1, handcuffed to a rail on the roof of an Atlanta department store (he made a minor appearance as his brother Daryl's hallucination in Season 2). Merle's amputated hand was later found by Rick and company, but they had no idea if he had actually survived. From the looks of the photo on the left, he did. I can't wait to find out where he's been and what he had to do to survive. I'm also interested in seeing how he and his brother Daryl will reconcile their relationship with the people who essentially left Merle to die on that rooftop.

In other Zombie news, my friends know (and mostly approve of) my obsession with the cannibalistic resurrected dead, and share some hilarious things with me on Facebook. Fellow Secular Humanist Diana M shared this image with Uncle P, today:

It combines Zombie imagery with one of the most popular sitcoms of all time, and I love it. Though I can't decide if it should be called 'Soup Zombie' or 'Brains Nazi.' What do you think?

Finally, appearing on CNN's satellite network HLN today, was a story about ammunition manufacturer Hornady who has introduced a new line of ammo intended for use against Zombies only. What? Ridiculous, you say? Well, I must agree with you. As I blogged just a few days ago, there are no (and never will be) real Zombies, despite recent and exploitative news which may seem to the contrary. Hornady is simply taking advantage of recent tragedies and many folks' overly obsessive fascination with Zombies to sell ammunition to people who don't actually need it. Is any rational person really anticipating the Zombie Apocalypse? Yes, AMC may be offering a Zombie obstacle course as part of their San Diego Comic-Con experience, but come on.

Okay - I may love Hornady's hilarious disclaimer at the end of that clip, but seriously... If you are purchasing ammunition in anticipation of the Zombie Apocalypse, I recommend that you seek out a the services of a competent psychotherapist or psychologist immediately, if not sooner. As I've said before, ZOMBIES ARE NOT REAL! Nor will they ever be, despite the actions of a few depraved individuals who may or may not be under the influence of one or more of any number of chemical intoxicants. As for cannibals... well, that's another topic for another post.

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Gayest Ad You'll See This Week ( Probably NSFW Version)

Advertising in the age of the Internet has become very specific. On-line commercials and ads are targeted to to all sorts of people with all sorts of interests. Just look at the ads on your Facebook timeline. Even TV advertising has gotten more and more specific.

Los Angeles designer John Saint-Denis is known for his line of home furnishings, marketed toward upscale gay men with lots of readily disposable income (i.e. NOT Uncle P - my income has become less and less disposable, lately, Hell, I'm lucky if I get to see a new movie in a theater every couple of months, anymore). 

Anyway, Saint-Denis has a new line of 'masculine' candles and has commissioned the video below to sell them to gay men who have more money than brains. I first came across this video today at Kenneth in the (212) and again on Towleroad. I was at the Day Job and thought I should probably wait to view it until I got home. While there isn't anything particularly risque about it (a bare bum is as racy as it gets), you may not want to view it at work, either.

In any event, the depiction of rich, hunky guys living in palazzos may convince some morons to buy these over-priced  ($45.00 each!!) candles. Truth be told, Uncle P (and just about anyone else) can get just as romantic with a couple dozen tea-lights from the Dollar Store. Bitch, please...

If you have purchased these or any other similarly priced candles, I urge to get your priorities straight and use that money instead to help feed starving children in the Appalachians; support AIDS and/or Equality charities; raise awareness about human rights or just go take the oven, because you have no idea what it means to be a decent human being. 

Ooh... did I really just write that? Yes. Yes, I did.

What the hell is wrong with people who think a jar of scented wax is worth $45.00? $45.00 barely fills my gas tank and some asshat designer thinks a scented candle with his name on it is worth that much? If there is a hell, John Saint-Denis (and anyone who spends $45.00 for one of his candles) has a very special hot wax seat waiting for him there.

More, anon.

Prospero

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