Good Riddance to Evil Appliances

Keep Away from Belladonna and Baby's Blood

My house is Mid-Century Cookie Cutter. Of course, some unusual renovations to the interior by the original owners have left me with some very limited choices when it comes to where and how things fit, particularly in my already small kitchen. Eight years ago, my 25-year-old refrigerator gave up the ghost. Of course, like an aging pet or an elderly relative, the older it got, the more I prepared myself for its eminent demise. When I went to replace it, finding one to fit the space I had wasn't easy and I ended up with a Kenmore which I quickly grew to despise.

The non-adjustable shelves were in a very odd configuration, leaving little space for tall things like pitchers and bottles. The freezer had one wire-rack shelf with too much space between the rungs, making it almost impossible to have a level stack of packages, let alone a stable place for ice cube trays. Within a week of running out of warranty, one of the vegetable crisper drawers partially disintegrated in my hand, rendering it practically useless. The exterior was some kind of textured vinyl, making it almost impossible to keep clean and while the freezer door refused to not swing all the open, the fridge door had to be tapped with a knee to close tightly. 

Still, I expected the Effer to last longer than 8 years. Yes, after a slow but steady decline that started with milk-shake-like ice cream two weeks ago ended tonight with me unloading and purging the whole damned thing, filling both my big trash can and my recycling bin to the brim. The thought of lugging them to the curb tomorrow night, along with the yard stuff I managed to get done yesterday, makes me cranky, like a baby with a saggy diaper that leaks. I was able, thanks to a giant cooler and bagged ice, save a lot of the newer produce and dairy. And the chest freezer on the back porch is full, so no one's going hungry anytime, soon. Seems like I just did this last Fall...  

A replacement is scheduled to arrive tomorrow. When I finish this post, I will take my vodka out of the freezer and unplug the hellspawn forever. Of course, I fear that when they take it away, they'll forget to take off one of the doors at the dump and a diseased rat will be trapped in it and die. And then a small dog or a raccoon, followed by some form of Belladonna and some baby's blood and it will become an unstoppable demonic machine, devouring anyone in it's path and growing larger and larger with the ingestion of each victim.

Well, that's just silly, isn't it? No sillier than the nonsense that's been going on around Uncle P's house, lately. I have to check with my electric company (PECO here in southeastern PA) because I may get an energy credit for the new one (the commercial for which is where that goofy monster fridge image comes from).

To quote the great Gilda Radner (look her up!):

"It's always something. If it's not one thing, it's another. Either you smoke or you have a sweatball hanging off of your nose." Seriously, if you don't know this, look it up. Gilda was a comedy genius. Anyway, as much I hate the rigamarole and extra work the Kenmore's death has caused me, I will be very happy to have a brand-new fridge when I get home from the Day Job, tomorrow. I know there is a Robot Hell, but is there an Appliance Hell? I hope so. And I hope that horrible old Kenmore fridge rots there, writhing in imaginary anthropomorphized pain for all eternity. That is of course, until that first rat...

Sorry. I'm in a mood. What are you trying to do, make me sick? Goodnight my little Roseanne Rosannadannas! I hope you clicked those links!

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Gayest Month You'll Start This Week

The Gayest Breakfast You'll See This Week (4 Bears Only)

Notice: Some links in this post may be NSFW, depending on where you work. I hope by now, no one really needs the link to that acronym. 

Anyway...

I actually did make pancakes and sausage this morning for brunch, though not nearly as many  of the Pride Cakes (Flip Jacks?) as you see in the image on your left. Mine were actually much smaller, rather misshapen* and regular pancake colored, even though they were whole-wheat. And I used local honey in place of syrup. I do try, though I simply refuse to give up butter. I don't go nuts, but I'm not about to eat something even poop-eating flies supposedly won't touch. Butter's flavor and texture are so necessary for so many recipes. While most, if not all of them, can be made using less butter combined with olive oil, they simply cannot be made with hydrogenated vegetable oils, which are far, far worse for you than honest-to-goodness cow's milk butter. 

Wow. That escalated quickly. 

Sorry for the tangent... because this post isn't about food or cooking or diets or anything other than the fact that June 1st marks the start of Pride Month here in the U.S. Usually at this time of year, Uncle P is either directing or in a JTMF benefit show (our only event this year isn't until October, but more on that, anon). This year, I have the leisure of being able to attend multiple Pride events, should I so desire, without having to man a booth or table at any of them. I've never been to NYC Pride or even Philly Pride. I've only ever been to NJ Pride which is held in Springsteen Central, Asbury Park at the Jersey Shore, which is being held tomorrow. I've been three times, but have never gotten to see the parade, because I was always manning the JTMF table, in hopes of drawing audience members and/or donors. I have a very funny NJ Pride story about D & Siah; a Velcro fly; a very drunken, horny twink named Noel and an Evil You-Know-What for another time. While I have always had time to wander the grounds and visit the other booths, I was never able to see the parade or really mingle with the multitude of gay Guidos on hand.

Here's the thing: I'm not sure I really want to go to any of them. But I actually kind of do. I may decide to brave the traffic and the crowds and go to Philly Pride next Sunday. I've always had a great time checking out the different booths and vendors at NJ Pride (yes, and the hotties), and expect I'd like Philly's version just as much, if not more. I just need to convince someone to join me. Any takers?

Although, if this is the best promo they can come up with, maybe we're all better off staying home:

Really, Philadelphia? Find a new agency, quick, before the Copyranter craps all over that crap. As well he should.

This June, celebrate yourselves, no matter what you sexuality! Celebrate your loved ones who support you and love you for who you are!. Celebrate your partner, if you are lucky enough to have one. Celebrate love, because that's all any of us want and everything all of us deserves. Don't ever stop fighting the haters and the liars.

We've seen more wins than defeats, this past year. Hopefully, SCOTUS will rule in favor of Marriage Equality and the U.S. will join the 21st Century along with the 14 other countries who have embraced marriage rights for all their citizens.

More, anon.
Prospero

*Don't even say what you're thinking, perv!

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