DVD Review: "Zombie Strippers"

As Halloween weekend draws to a close, what better way to end it than with a trashy, absurdist horror movie? As written, directed, photographed and edited by Jay Lee (who apparently fancies himself a regular Herschell Gordon Lewis - and if you don't get the reference, you need to go back to horror movie school), Zombie Strippers is a pure drive-in D-Movie that walks a bizarre and fine line between complete crap and genius parody. Oddly it succeeds as both, as well as being a gross-out zombie movie.

It is "The near future" and George W. Bush has apparently seized the government in a coup and has not only abolished Congress, but outlawed public nudity, forcing strip clubs to go underground (of course). After being bitten by a zombie in a secret military facility in Nebraska, a special ops soldier (from "Z Unit" -get it? Yawn... ) stumbles into the Rhino Club, an illegal tittie bar run by germophobic fop Ian, played by Robert "Freddy Kruger" Englund as a cross between Liberace and C. Montgomery Burns. The club's star dancer is Kat (infamous porn star Jenna Jameson). The virus that created the zombies was intended to create an army of undead super-soldiers, but since it was formulated using X chromosomes (or some such nonsense) it works only in creating mindless zombie men and super-powered stripper women. After the AWOL soldier attacks and kills Kat, she returns with a hunger, not only for human flesh but for stripping, and proceeds to give the hottest show the Rhino club has ever seen. No matter that she chooses a poor horny schlub to accompany her backstage (much to the envy of his buddies) and proceeds to eat him afterwards.

Merenge (Jeannette Sousa) is the proverbial "Stripper with a Heart of Gold" who is frightened by what's happening and Jennifer Holland is Jess, the local new girl, stripping to make money for her Nana's operation, despite her Christian up-bringing. As the cliches pile on and more girls become infected, the cage in the club's basement (just what kind of club is this, anyway?) becomes filled with reanimated victims, ala Dead Alive. The zombie strippers become inexplicably the hottest draw in the club, despite their obviously decaying flesh. It goes without saying that by the time "Z Unit" arrives, all hell has broken loose and the club is overrun with zombies.

The biggest surprise here is Jameson, who shows an actual aptitude for acting. Kat reads Nietzsche (after she's undead, she reads it laughing; "This makes so much more sense, now!") and knows exactly where men's weaknesses lie. Jameson's wry performance is almost worth the rent alone. Lee's script makes some very off-the-wall references, but more often reduces itself to bad puns (illegal immigrant Paco [Joey Medina] actually says: "Badgers? We don' need no stnkin' badgers!" - ugh!). Other moments are quite hilarious, especially the zombie cat-fight between Kat and her undead rival, Lilith (Roxy Saint). Gorehounds will find much to admire and zombie fans much to laugh at. There were times, however, when Lee and company just tried too hard and some of the jokes are particularly lame. The horrendously over-the-top performance of Carmit Levite as Madame Blavatski (the strippers' "housemother") is just embarrassing and the production values include some very cheap CGI which often leaves much to be desired.

I've seen worse (HGL's Wizard of Gore, anyone?), though I've certainly seen better. A valiant, though flawed effort, with high amusement value, Stripper Zombies is yet another film that can be appreciated by genre fans, only. Oh, and straight boys might like all the nekkid boobies. **1/2 (Two and a Half Stars)

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DVD Review: "Feast II: Sloppy Seconds"

Feast, as previously noted, was the last and best film made by Ben Affleck's and Matt Damon's "Project Greenlight" movie contest. Funny, horrific, fast-paced and outrageous, Feast is a one-set movie loaded with lots of colorful (and generically-named) characters, hilarious plot-twists and disgusting special effects. And it is unlike any horror movie I'd ever seen before. Writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan (Saw IV & V) have re-teamed with director John Gulager for the sequel.

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds picks up pretty much where the first one ended. Biker Queen (Diane Goldner) arrives outside desert bar where the original took place, to find her sister's (also played by Goldner in the original) hand in a dog's mouth and the bloodied Bartender (Clu Gulager, also returning) hiding under a car. Seeking revenge for her sister's death, she shanghais the old coot and heads off with her gang of tattooed biker chicks to the small town where she thinks the man who killed her sister lives. Unfortunately, the small town has also been overrun by the ravenous monsters, leaving few alive. Among them is used-car dealer, Slasher (Carl Anthony Payne II); his cheating wife, Secrets (Hannah Putnam); her lover and two little wrestlers, Thunder (Martin Klebba - Pirates of the Caribbean) and Lightning (Juan Longoria Garcia). Also returning from the original is Jenny Wade as Honey Pie, who had left everyone for dead in I.

Way over-the-top, Feast II is a gorehound's dream, and about a thousand times more disgusting than the original, which is saying alot. It is also just as funny and original, though it borrows liberally from films like Dawn of the Dead and Tremors. This is NOT a film for those with weak stomachs, young children, sensitive ears or any sense of decorum. Fortunately, I am troubled by none of those things and could enjoy the movie's intentional outrageousness all the more. Quirkier that the original, Gulager the younger plays more visual games here, experimenting with lenses, lighting, film stock, editing and shooting styles. The result is a film that is almost as visually amusing as it is joke-laden. Gulager even opts to break a horror movie taboo I've only seen once before (no spoilers here) and even then, it was only because it was essential to the plot. Here, it's a deliberately depraved and selfish act of cowardice on the part of one particularly unpleasant character (who gets his jut desserts, don't worry). There are gallons of fake blood and fake vomit and even more gallons of gooey, monstrous bodily fluids with all sorts of nasty side-effects; a hilarious moment of monster/cat sex (I swear to God) and a warehouse's worth of body parts. Along with the almost non-stop gratuitous violence, there is foul language; nudity and lots of fart jokes, sex jokes and jokes at the expense of Little People, but only those who don't get it will be truly offended. This is the kind of movie for which one girds one's loins, grits one's teeth and hangs on for one hell of a ride. Certainly not every one's cup of tea, but I lapped it up like a cat with a bowl of fresh cream! Disgusting, outlandish, bizarre and way beyond over-the-top, Feast II is a 'park your brain and take the ride' movie for true horror fans only. *** (Three Stars)

By the way - the film ends as ambiguously as the first one (we still have no idea what these monsters are or where they came from, though we know more than we might like to know about their anatomical functions) and IMDb confirms that there will be a Feast III:The Happy Finish.

Next up: Zombie Strippers!

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