Werewolves Are NOT the New Zombies

Tyler Hoechlin of MTV's "Teen Wolf"

In the pantheon of Horror archetypes,Werewolf used to rank just below Vampire. Since a little black and white horror movie in 1968, werewolves have been knocked down a peg or two. Obviously, all three are insanely popular in genre TV. MTV's "Teen Wolf" (which I gave up on last season) and SyFy's "Being Human" and their new series "Bitten" prove that. They have been less successful on the big screen, of late. I don't know anyone who actually likes the Underworld movies and don't understand why they keep getting made and Benicio Del Toro's 2010 effort to reinvigorate yet another Universal Monsters franchise (The Wolfman) failed miserably and season one of producer/director Eli Roth's "Hemlock Grove" for Netflicks was a total bore. 

Personally, I can name only two werewolf movies in the last 30 years that were actually up to snuff. The first is director Joe Dante's (Mad Max; Gremlins) almost brilliantly realized 1981 version of Gary Brandner's novel The Howling. Featuring the first real physical werewolf transformation on film (thanks to Rob Bottin) and a very funny script by John Sayles, the movie ultimately fails when Dee Wallace (as a TV reporter) has an on-camera transformation, resulting in something that looks more like an over-sized Pekingese than a vicious killer.

Of course, probably the best werewolf movie ever made is John Landis' An American Werewolf in London. Scary, funny and romantic, Landis' movie set a bar which has yet to be met.

Runners up: Neil Jordan's very dark re-telling of 'Little Red Riding Hood,' The Company of Wolves and Christoph Gans' 2001 Brotherhood of the Wolf. 

Unfortunately, despite the presence of the eye-candy that is Jason Momoa, the upcoming French-made Wolves doesn't look likely to bring the subgenre back.

Personally... Cats are way scarier (and sexier):



More, anon.
Prospero

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Get a Kluwe

A Man Whose Hand I'd Like to Shake - Chris Kluwe

One of my personal sports heroes has struck again. Writing for The Guardian, former NFL Kicker and staunch LGBT ally Chris Kluwe implores Olympians attending the 2014 Winter Games to be outspoken advocates for civil rights. 

Personally, I'd like to say that I agree with Mr. Kluwe. "We're Here! We're Queer! Get Used to Us!" has just as much meaning today as it has throughout the LGBT Rights movement. And while the fact that straight athletes like Kluwe; Brendon Ayanbedejo and Ben Cohen have lent their voices to the cause does a world of good, there are still so many unenlightened and superstitious asshats out there. Yes, the ignorant and therefore, scared seem to be slowly but surely dying out. Straight people my age (my friends already agree and my regular readers have figured that out, long ago) and younger, know how ridiculous it is to be so stupid and backward. Of course, lots of people my parents' ages have long ago agreed, but weren't able to do so publicly, until recent events have proven them to be on the right side of history.

Still... were I a gay athlete participating in the Sochi Olympics or a gay friend and/or family member of a gay and/or straight Olympian, I would completely understand your reluctance to speak out. I may not like it (visibility is our strongest asset), but I would respect your decision to remain silent. 

You can read Kluwe's piece here (via).

And just to keep things weird, here's some Olympic Nonsense:

Zombie-lympics?



It's somehow comforting to know that Rednecks are Universal:



Hmmmm... Does that make Yakov Smirnoff the Russian Jeff Foxworthy? The mind boggles.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Channeling Bruce

I can't believe that I haven't written about this season's version of "American Horror Story: Coven" before now. Because holy hot hell, this show is on fire (literally) this season. 

I suppose because they are the most visible, I should start by talking about the cast. I don't know a director who wouldn't gladly give up a yank of hair or a few drops of blood to work with any and all of the amazing actors who've ever been a part of this show, but this cast in particular is... well, a director's wet dream. 

First off, there's the returning ensemble, headed by the astonishing Jessica Lange as the 'Supreme' Salem witch, Fiona and last season's star, Sarah Paulson as her daughter, Cordelia. Season one's burn victim (the highly underrated character actor Denis O'Hare) is back, this time as a cross-dressing, tongueless, necrophiliac version of Riff-Raff along with Taissa Farmiga as Zoe, the obvious 'Supreme-in-Waiting;' Lily Rabe as the Stevie Nicks-obsessed healer Misty; Jamie Brewer as a telepath with Downs; Evan Peters as the Teenage Frankenstein Frat Boy with rage issues and the glorious Frances Conroy in crazy flowing costumes, cat's eye spectacles and a crimped-to-death ginger fright-wig, as Fiona's mortal enemy Myrtle. 

As if that wasn't enough, add Academy Award winner Kathy Bates as the most vile woman in the history of New Orleans who has been cursed with eternal life by Voodoo Queen Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett!); Academy Award nominee Gabourey Sidibe as a 'Human Voodoo Doll;' Emma Roberts as a Pyrokenetic; gay imp Leslie Jordan as a member of the coven's High Council and Patti Freakin' Lupone as the holier-than-thou Uber-Christian new neighbor... Every director in Hollywood should be pounding on Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuck's door, begging on their knees and offering up blood sacrifices to direct an episode of this show.

Of course, the best cast and director in the world mean little if the writing isn't up to snuff. Season One was daring and amazing and creepy and sexy and fairly linear, with glimpses into the past to fill in the gaps while maintaining a fairly singular plot. Season two, on the other hand -- while still amazing -- was a bit all over the place, taking on too many subjects for one story. There was alien abduction; sadistic nuns; demonic possession; Nazi experiments; lesbian empowerment and two serial killers!

'Coven' marks a return to the more focused story line of season one, this time telling the story of an old rivalry between witches forced to move south from Salem and the Voodoo witches who followed, soon after. Fiona is the headmistress of a witch boarding school, run in her long absence by Cordelia. When Zoe (Farmiga) is brought to the school after killing her boyfriend with sex, Fiona returns and all sorts of hell breaks loose. This season's writing team has just amped it up again, giving these incredible actors some powerful scenes and unironic (unless it needs to be) genre dialog.

Which brings me to why this post is titled "Channeling Bruce."  

SPOILERS AHEAD 

Last week's Halloween episode ended with Cordelia having acid thrown in her eyes at a bar while the school was surrounded by zombies raised by Marie in revenge for the death of the minotaur Bastian.  This week, while Fiona waited at the hospital for word on Cordelia, Zoe stepped up and took control at the school. And as Fiona was wandering the hospital and resurrecting a dead child for another grieving mother, Zoe took up a chainsaw and went nuts on the zombies, channeling Bruce Campbell in his most gloriously blood-covered glee and all I could think was "Zoe went Ash on AHS!" Too much?

Holy crap, I almost forgot about Danny Huston! Keep the brilliance coming, boys! So glad that FX has already announced Season 4!  I can think of a certain East Coast legend they could explore...

If you aren't watching "American Horror Story: Coven," you're missing some truly extraordinary television. Forgive me for repeating myself, but I really want to see what happens when other genres take up AHS' 'repertory' format. And I really can't wait to see what other powerhouse actors show up for Season 4!

More, anon.
Prospero

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Romeo & Julian, an Amazing Juggler and Some Zombies Walk Into a Blog...

No one will better appreciate that title than my sister, I'm sorry to say. She will find it particularly hilarious, in fact. In just the way that many of the things we share as hilarious, are specifically hilarious to the two of us, only (though Q shares our love of and many of the same specific moments from a very popular series of classic short comedies which we all grew up watching on UHF - and no, that's not a channel - shut up, I'm old!).

As you can probably tell from that rather insane intro, Uncle P has had a fairly stressful week, leaving me at less than my usually focused (haha) self. There are several factors working to make me rather scattered (which I won't go into other than to say one is personal and one is artistic) and I have lots of things I want to talk about (For example: Why do I type "talk" when I am obviously writing?) Anyway, trying to retain some semblance of sanity (cue: Nelson Muntz) I suppose I should start in order then, yes? So first up was...

Romeo and Julian, it is. Out in the Dark is a love story about a Palestinian student and an Israeli doctor. Since premiering earlier this year at the Toronto Film Festival, Out in the Dark has since won several other film-fest awards. Daring and controversial? Hardly. Original and groundbreaking? Just the gay version of one of the oldest plots in history. All that having been said, the trailer is pretty amazing and it gives me hope that the film just might have something new to say about the old tropes and stereotypes which have permeated LGBTQ cinema for the past decade. Or not. Or it could just be another bad romantic thriller... What do you think?

I believe an Amazing Juggler was next, was it not? With only 500,000 views since it was first loaded back in 2009, I suspect the below video of juggler Alexander Koblikov is about to explode. I first saw it today on Facebook, but don't remember who posted it (if it was you, let me know). I've always been a fan of Variety and Circus Arts (I had a college acting professor who held his PhD in those very fields) and regular readers certainly know at least one of my obsessions by now. When I shared it on Facebook, a few friends commented on the fact that Koblikov never smiles throughout his admittedly jaw-dropping performance. On further review, it's apparent why he's not smiling: He's demonstrating a skill which he's obviously spent his entire life developing, rather than just 'showing off.' It's a deliberate and justified choice.

Which leaves us with Zombies, Last but certainly never least. Season 4 of the phenomenon that is AMC's "The Walking Dead" is just about 2 weeks away and fans like Uncle P and my sister are jonesing pretty bad. The first clip I'm sharing has been around (I may well have shared it before), but my dear Patrick in Chicago shared it with me today, and it's just hilarious, every time I see it. Drreeet!

This next video is one I hadn't seen before, as well. They are calling it the 'Season 4 Extended Trailer - New Footage" but the Comicon trailer was longer. They should have just said 'New Footage' or 'Trailer 2'

"Things are only going to get worse." Yup.

Shocktober is just a few days away. I won't promise 31 posts in a row this year (though don't be surprised if I try) but if I come up with a really great theme, I just might. And you can help. Leave me a comment with your idea for my Shocktober 2013 Theme.

More, anon.
Prospero

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I. Can't. Wait.

Click Image to Enlarge

FOX's "Sleepy Hollow" was a happy surprise for both myself and many people I know, and while I am looking forward to several other new shows this season there are a few returning favorites that have me absolutely chomping at the bit to see. 

First up is Ryan Murphy's amazingly-creative-and-creepy television experiment's third season which starts on October 9th. "American Horror Story: Coven." is set in both contemporary New Orleans and Historical Salem, exploring yet another Horror trope with what looks like another season of amazing; puzzling; creepy; original and arresting visuals, story lines, characters and performances from a cast that makes me just a little more excited than a man my age should ever get over a TV show. Returning are the astonishing Jessica Lange; Lily Rabe; Francis Conroy; Taissa Farmiga; Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters. And joining them are some powerhouse talents: Angela Bassett; Kathy Bates (!!); Christine Ebersole (!!) Emma Roberts; Danny Houston (!!) and Pattie effng Lupone (!!!!!). Add a war between Good & Evil Witches to the potential for exponential insanity and you have yourself what has so far been one of the best and most provocative genre series, ever.

Here are all seven Season 3 teasers:



And the first Season 3 promo with dialog, "School:"

And I don't think I need to say how much I am anticipating the Season Four premiere of AMC's "The Walking Dead" (the producers of which just announced a spin-off - oh, excuse me: "Companion" series - for 2014). While I will happily admit that Season Three was better than Season Two, neither was as good as the amazing Season One.It seems like the producers are listening to the fans and upped the ante this season. My mother is actually antsy for it's return.

NBC's dark-humored fantasy "Grimm" ended with our beautiful intrepid hero zombified while in the clutches of a voodoo priest. A co-worker whom I truly adore watches because her husband watches and calls it "The Grimm." It's another show Mom surprisingly loves - and I love that she's finally come to appreciate quality genre works. She was a huge "Fringe" and "Lost" fan and I'm so glad she's expanded her horizons. We know Nick is going to escape and recover from whatever Baron Samedi has done to him, but that's hardly the point. It's clever and campy and imaginative with a terrific ensemble cast and usually well-executed (and often hilarious) CGI transformation FX. But like any good show, story is king and the mythology is both well-constructed and unfolding in a way that makes complete sense. But most importantly, "Grimm" never takes itself too seriously, which helps to make it both endearing and interesting.

Outside of Genre shows, I am also looking forward to the return of CBS's Law and Politics drama, "The Good Wife." Another dream cast of exceptionally talented actors and a brilliant writing team make "The Good Wife" so worth DVR'ing. 

There are a few others I'm looking forward to seeing return and at least one or three I don't understand why they are returning at all. There are also lots of new shows this season that I'll write about the next time I write about TV (which will probably be soon).

In the meantime, what shows are you excited to see returning this fall?

More, anon.

Prospero

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8 Sundays

That's right. There are only two months to go before the return of television's most audacious drama "The Walking Dead." Immeasurably better than Season 2, Season 3 ended with the defeat of  the Governor; the death of Andrea (as much as I hated what she had become as a character, I still hated that she went, as well as how. Andrea was once much smarter than that); the death of Lori (happy the idiot is gone, but sad for Rick and the baby); the death and reanimation and destruction (at the hands of his own brother) of Merle and the incorporation of the survivors from Woodbury into the prison. Every single character was tested last season. Not all of them passed.

The teasers and interviews and con panels all promise not only deadlier (faster? hungrier?) Walkers but a new threat that is neither human nor Walker. Huh? I'm guessing the return of bubonic plague. Or cholera. Or maybe the whole thing will turn out to a live-action version of 'Oregon Trail' and they'll all die of dysentery. 

Regular readers know that "The Walking Dead" is one of my Malaprop Mom's favorite shows, hooked when I basically told her she had to watch the pilot when I re-watched it on DVR the next day. This helped open the floodgates, paving the way for "Falling Skies" and "Grimm" (all of which have some very interesting characters who grow and change with the plot lines). 

An acquaintance, who shall remain unnamed and only somewhat shamed, told me thought the failure of World War Z meant the end of the genre. I laughed and pointed toward not only the unprecedented success of "The Walking Dead," but any number of other upcoming zombie projects. World War Z failed for the same reasons most of this summer's movies failed: Lack of story and characters no one cares about. And I've always thought adapting Brooks' rather clinical novel was an exercise in futility. The ravenous flesh-eating 'Romero' zombie will be around as long as horror movies, doing what horror movies do best: remind us of how much worse our lives could be. Oh, glorious schadenfreude! And maybe too, they remind us to not let ourselves go dead inside, something too many people seem to do these days.

Uncle P and more than a few people he knows are all chomping at the bit, counting down to the big chow-down on October 13th. The official trailer (which I'm too lazy to bother checking to see if I've posted it before, so I'm posting it anyway) is pretty intense.

What did Tyreese see? And while Big Spot! may be a thinly disguised version of Big!Lots, I imagine those would probably be among the last stores looted along with any number of dollar stores. And who are all these new former Woodburians? Are the Walkers getting smarter, or just hungrier? Won't the Walkers just eventually rot away? Honestly, I'm just looking for a rousing and exciting season to rival Season 1. Here's a little bit of behind-the-scenes with cast commentary:

More, anon.

Prospero

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The Anti-Bucket List

#3 on My Anti-Bucket List

I didn't tell this story on the blog last night, because I had posted all I thought I had to say about it yesterday on Facebook. But a little distance and a day spent trying to stay out of pain have led me deeper and deeper into the labyrinth until the beast had to be confronted head on.

Late last week, I started to notice a twinge in my lower right back, in the muscle known scientifically as the Internal Abdominal Oblique. It was annoying, but treating it with heat, ice and OTC NSAIDS seemed to be working. Sunday night, I barely registered more than a small twingey reminder or two and I thought I had made it through the worst of it. 

Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling fine and had my shower as usual. I made it back upstairs and sat on the bed to put on my pants. I stood, like I always do, and was instantly struck with pain the likes of which I have never experienced. Honestly. I have had a nasal cauterization and several oral surgeries. I know pain. This was far worse than anything I've ever experienced and I quite literally screamed. If this is half the pain of childbirth, I wouldn't wish it on any woman ever, even my mother!. But it passed quickly and I gingerly made my way downstairs with every intention of going to the Day Job. Once down on ground level, it quickly became apparent that I was in serious trouble. And the idea of folding myself into a car and driving myself for help was patently absurd. 

So, for the fourth time this year, EMTs were called to my house though this time, it was my mother calling them for me. The entire morning was rather surreal and I joked with the EMT's* (who arrived very quickly) - "Well, I can cross this off my bucket list!" They politely laughed and as I was later lying almost flat on my back, dozing and waiting for the drugs the ER nurse had administered to take effect, I realized that an ambulance ride to the hospital should really be on everyone's 'Anti-Bucket List'

I posted a few more things on my Anti-Bucket List and asked my Facebook friends to list theirs. There were quite a few amusing answers and they got me thinking about other things I never need to experience before I die. So here they are:

Uncle P's Anti-Bucket List: (A Work in Progress; Subject to Change at Any Time without Notice)

Ride in an Ambulance
Handcuffed Ride in the Back of a Squad Car
Getting Stabbed in the Shower by a Maniac
Being Bitten By Zombies
Being Trampled in a Stampede
Being Trapped Aboard a Sinking Sealiner
Forced to Watch another High School Production of Grease
Forced to Eat Poutine.
Being Surrounded by Russian Skinheads
Get a Haircut so Bad It Makes Me Cry
Buy a Pair of Crocs
Drink PBR
Associate with Anyone Who Actually Drinks PBR
Give Myself Over to the Cult of The Boy Who Lived.
Wear a Utilikilt
Marry a Woman
Have Gallons of Baked Beans Poured All Over Me
Have Leeches Pulled from My Body (don't click, K!)
Be Struck by Lightning
Be Burned at the Stake
Be Forced to Watch Every Episode of Every 'Real Housewives' Show
Three Words: "Chilled Monkey Brains"

I have a few more, but I realized they are really rather depressing, so I thought it best to leave them out. Luckily, the ER was literally empty at 8:30 AM and I was seen and treated right away. The Attending ER doctor put his finger right on the spot and said "Oh! I can feel it spasm!"  I was given a 10mg Valium (Seriously? Did you not hear me give my height and weight?) and a gluteal injection of a muscle relaxer and two prescriptions, along with instructions to rest with continued heat and ice for three days. This is the end of Day 2 and while I think I feel better, I thought the same last night, as well.

So, are these the kinds of things other people think about while recovering at home, under heavy medication, after a frighteningly intense bout with pain? 

No... It seems right up there with my usual nonsense, if you ask me.

Now I am asking you: What's on your Anti-Bucket List? What thing(s) do you never need to do before you die? 

More, anon.

Prospero

*And no, neither of them were the cuties from last month, though both were pleasant, patient and professional. Everyone in the ER was equally so and what started out as a rather scary experience was quickly getting better. I'm sure it helped that I was the only one in the ER, which undoubtedly facilitated my treatment but it seemed to me this was how they probably handled every patient and I was very impressed.

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4.5 Minutes of Intensity and Genius

I know, I know. Anyone who cares has probably already seen this. In fact, I'm not even sure where I foumd it - probably via Facebook on the 'I Love The Walking Dead' page. It doesn't matter, really, anymore.

What matters is how amped up Season 4 seems to be, at least from the ComicCon trailer embedded below. To this I say: "HELL YES!!"

If you know me at all, you know I love horror movies and especially zombie movies. And I cannot wait until AMC's "The Walking Dead" regains the top spot on my Top Ten TV Dramas list this year (if I end up doing one... who the heck knows, anymore?). TWD's astonishing 6-episode Season One was truly ground-breaking television and deserved every accolade afforded it. Season Two was... slow, I suppose (hey - even "Lost" had Nicki and Paolo), but built to a very intense second half. Season Three was better than Two, but not up to Season One's quality, which I ascribe to the firing of series creator (and the single best film interpreter of the works of Stephen King), Frank Darabont.

Now under the direction of chief make-up designer Greg Nicotero, the folks at AMC certainly seem to have listened to the fans and considerably  raised the stakes for Season Four. Why do I doubt the trailer's final message? See for yourselves (and watch Full Screen):

Damn! I don't know who is more upset about waiting until October: Uncle P; My Sister; My Mother; My Coworker; My Other Coworker; My College Friend or My College Friend's Daughter. It doesn't matter because even after 3 seasons, I am stupefied by the fact that TWD (along with several other Horror/Fantasy/Sci-Fi shows) is Mom's favorite TV drama. She may not always understand the supernatural/Sci-Fi elements in many of these shows, but she sure appreciates compelling characters and exciting story-telling. The apple doesn't fall far... though it seems I've actually turned her opinion about genre entertainment, even if I have to explain it to her at length.  But that's not a bad thing at all.

More, anon.

Prospero

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5 For; 5 Against: "World War Z"

Mireille Enos and Brad Pitt in World War Z

I'm back! After 5 1/2 days in Chicago (part business/part pleasure), I'm home and back online. I had a great time with co-workers and friends (met up with a High School friend and her husband who just happened to be vacationing there at the same time) and got to explore Hyde Park, a part of Chicago with which I was previously unfamiliar and apparently the home of the Obama family. I also got to visit the Shedd Aquarium and wade in the waters of Lake Michigan (the first time I've ever had my feet in a lake!) where I got to see not only many hot, mostly naked gay guys but got a look at the building where Bob Newhart lived with Suzanne Pleshette in the 70's. I ate lots of great food (Astoundingly delicious Pineapple Curry Shrimp at Chant; amazing -- and huge! -- Apple Pie at Clarke's and super yummy Rigatoni Bolognese at Pizza Capri). I also got to spend time with two terrific Chicagoans, at least one of whom managed to get me very drunk (at Scot's Bar) without taking advantage of me (though there were at least two other patrons I would have happily taken advantage of -- TMI?). Anyway...

And since July in Chicago is almost as intensely hot and humid as July in the Delaware Valley, I took yesterday afternoon to visit the new Harper Theatre in an effort to escape yesterday's oppressive heat (though I've found it much hotter, here at home).  There were several movies I wanted to see playing at the Harper, but I'd already promised to see a couple of them with other friends, so I settled on a movie I hadn't originally planned on seeing at all: World War Z. And since it's been out for a while and I'm still pretty exhausted from my trip (I need a vacation from my vacation), here's my "Jeep Guy" 5 For/Five Against:

Five For:

5. The movie takes little (if any) time getting started, though it should be obvious to any Philadelphian that Prague is a poor substitute for the real Philly.

4. There are some rather amazing SFX, including some very creepy zombies.

3. Director Marc Forster knows how to deliver an exciting action sequence.

2. Marco Beltrami's score is almost as perfect as his other works.

1. The truly international cast works well together, delivering some excellent performances despite the film's overtly silly premise.

Five Against:

5. World War Z is not a zombie movie. It feels more like an infection movie, much like Steven Soderbergh's Contagion. 

4. Brad Pitt (like many former Hollywood Hotties) is not aging well, and it shows (though that may well have been the director's intention).

3. Swarming zombies. Like the Marabunta ants in The Naked Jungle, the zombies in World War Z climb on top of one another to reach their prey, suggesting a previously unseen (and nonsensical) hive mentality presented in any other zombie movie ever made.

2. Matthew Fox is completely wasted in a role which could have played by any other day-player. 

1. This movie has little, if anything, to do with the novel on which it is based. Max Brooks' novel (which bored Uncle P to death) had no true through-narrative. Each chapter detailed the experience of a specific person in a different part of the world as told to a UN investigator after the events described. While the screenplay (by three writers, including "Lost" writer Damon Lindelof) attempts to draw the disparate elements together, it ultimately fails to thrill, scare or cause the audience to care about the non-ending.

I'm hardly surprised that I didn't actually like this movie, though I gave the benefit of the doubt. Eschewing the gore that is traditional to the genre (almost every zombie kill is made off-screen) and concentrating instead on the search for a cure, World War Z fails as a Zombie movie while almost succeeding as an Action Thriller. And while the truly International cast mostly proves themselves up to the task, we are left wondering exactly what the task was.

** (Two Out of Four Stars).



More, anon.
Prospero

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Upcoming Reviews

Mads Mikkelsen as Hannibal 'The Cannibal' Lecter

I have so many things to review, I'm not sure where to start...

So I won't... at least not until later tonight. It's officially Saturday morning and while I haven't posted anything here since my overtly obvious April Fool's post, that doesn't mean I don't have plenty to talk about.

"The Walking Dead" had it's Season 3 finale last Sunday and I have plenty to say about the season as a whole (in general: better than Season 2, but still not as good as Season 1). Of course, there are two new genre shows to talk about. I've now seen three episodes of A&E's "Bates Motel," and while I do seem to generally like it (mostly thanks to the very interesting performances from Vera Farmiga and Freddy Highmore), it's hardly without its flaws. And I have yet to see the season premiere of Bryan Fuller's "Hannibal" (it's been DVR'd), I can't imagine a better actor to take on the iconic role of the serial cannibal than Mads Mikkelsen. 

Most exciting, Dear D and I will be seeing the reboot of Sam Raimi's career-making film The Evil Dead, featuring smart and adorable "Subugaratory" star Jane Levy; produced by Raimi and cult-icon (and original star) Bruce Campbell and written by Uruguayan director Fede Alvarez and Diablo Cody, Evil Dead is one reboot  Uncle P is actually excited to see.

This weekend looks like a return to my opinionated nonsense about Horror. Whew! I was getting worried there, for a bit. In the meantime, please enjoy the latest (albeit spoilery) trailer for the latest film version of Stephen King's breakthrough novel Carrie, starring the always amazing Julianne Moore and the underrated Chloe Grace Moretz:

Of course, if you are familiar with King's novel (I've read it at least six times) or Brian DePalma's brilliant first adaptation, then you were only a little surprised by what that trailer had to offer. Blogger buddy JA may despise Moretz (though I'm still not exactly sure why), but I think she's one of the most promising young actresses (along with Elle Fanning) to come out of Hollywood in a long time. Seriously, did you see Let Me In or Kick Ass? 

More, anon.
Prospero

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These Were a Few of My Favorite Things

"You Can Put Your Weed in It"

My friends and family know me so well. The image to your left is of the very Steampunk Trinket Box given to me by Q, K and Dale, along with  a brain-shaped ice-cube tray and a set of Farm Animal Butt Magnets. Other than making me laugh, the ice tray and magnets had nothing to do with the very cool trinket box (it has a compass on the lid!). I still love them all.

Of course, my sister was just as successful in her Holiday plotting. Along with her annual Jack Skellington T-shirt. my sister sent me a Box-O'-Zombie stuff which included a metal Zombie Warning Sign; two different Zombie decals; a "Zombie On Board" magnet and an "I Heart Zombies" keychain. She also sent along a "Box of Boogers" gummies; an AMC gift card and a super-insulated Batman tumbler.

Sis Knows Me Well

I really love how the colors of her three very different gifts go so well together in that picture of them beneath my tiny tree and atop my cable box and D's Christmas gift. I also got a terrific set of Skullcandy earbuds; a car charger for my Smartphone; lots of much-needed new socks and underwear; an outstanding sonic toothbrush; a pair of extendable, bendable, magnetic LED flashlights and 3 jars of the most delicious mixed nuts and dried fruit I've ever tasted. 

And while I mostly bought it for Mom, the big hit this year was the new Keurig Platinum coffee maker (which I got for a deal I couldn't pass up). Mom loves how fast and easy it is. I also bought it for myself, so I don't have to clean four separate elements of a self-grinding coffee-maker every night. Initially disappointed that my sister didn't send her usual 5 Lb bag of coffee beans, Mom quickly got over it when she finally opened the K-Cups Sis sent, instead.

I still have at least two gift exchanges to go (hopefully the weather will cooperate this coming Saturday) and D and I will get to see a matinee and exchange before I have to go back to the Day Job.

The holidays for me are always much more about giving, though I am always thrilled when my friends and family know me well enough to give me stuff is both useful and makes me laugh.

Happily, no one I know got either of these, this year:

What were your favorite holiday gifts this year?

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Christmas / Gifts / Jack Skellington / Jimmy Kimmel / Nonsense / Presents / Steam Punk / Toys / Zombies with the title Zombies. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/12/these-were-few-of-my-favorite-things.html. Thanks!

How Many Times Do I Have to Say "Goodbye?"

So the Apocalypse is upon once again. Did we learn nothing from the last time some lunatic announced the End of Days? Apparently, not.

Social media users are already complaining about how annoying 12/21/12 is going to be, so I thought I'd get it out of the way and move on to real things, again. 

I suppose I might buy that if the Mayan calender could actually be applied to the modern Gregorian calender, then December 21st, 2012 could plausibly be where the Mayan calendar ends.  All well and good. But... it is has been verified that out of the world's many religions and cultures, the Maya are among the few people who don't have any sort of Apocalyptic mythology. And good ole NASA has happily provided reassurances to that effect:

I can hear all you Doomsayers: "Of course that's what NASA wants you to believe. They're in on it, man!" And there are plenty of delusional people who think that the Zombie Apocalypse is real, too. Uncle P may love me some Zombies, but I (like every rational human being) know the likelihood of such a think happening is far, far less than zero.

Of course, Hollywood has exploited The End ad nauseum:












I can't wait to wake up next Saturday and laugh...

Oh, I so love "Raising Hope" and it's perfect casting! Personally, I have too many things I'm looking forward to doing and experiencing to worry about some stupid and unmerited hoax revolving around a society that worshiped the sun and winged serpents while practicing ritual sacrifice. It all makes perfect sense, if you think about it. "Screw you, Catholic Spaniards! Our gods will protect... uh-oh! Well, screw you anyway. You only have another 600 years! Ha-ha!"

Still - at least one sure sign of the Apocalypse has reared its ugly head:

Sorry. I stopped after 58 seconds and wouldn't blame anyone who stopped sooner. Maybe the world should end, after all. At least we wouldn't have to worry about going to work that Monday. Of course, I already have that whole week off, so it doesn't make any difference to me.

More (most assuredly), anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Apocalypse / End of the World / Goodbye / Mayans / Mythology / Nonsense / Religion / Stupid / The Walking Dead / The Zombie Apocalypse / Zombies with the title Zombies. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-many-times-do-i-have-to-say.html. Thanks!

TV Review: "The Walking Dead:" Season 3; Pt 1

"The Walking Dead" Season 3

Any number of things kept me from my Monday night re-caps of "The Walking Dead" but it started with Sandy and continued through the election and onto any number of other things and there you have a it. So having finally seen the mid-season finale (hole-lee cow!), I thought I'd just review the entire first half of Season 3. As with most of my TWD posts, here there be spoilers. If you are not caught up yet, wait to read this post until you are. 

First (and I honestly hate to say it, because I do admire his work), I think Frank Darabont's departure ignited something in the rest of the team, who were determined to do much less slower-moving character work and much more action and now intrigue. The theme for Season 3 is "Fight the dead; Fear the living" and the cast and writers are hitting them out of the ballpark, so far. The additions of Michonne and the Governor and the dark secrets of Woodbury have been handled beautifully (though I do hope we get to see some of how Michonne and Andrea spent their time on the run) and were just what the show needed to keep the story moving forward while providing for plenty of action and weirdness (wall-o-aquariums-filled-with-Walker-heads; a chained-up Walker child). The prison may have some relatively safe areas, we know it is far from impenetrable. And while many cried out in protest when T-Dog became a Walker T-bone, there weren't too many complaints when Lori sacrificed her own life for "L'il Kick Ass" (aka Judith). We may have hated her, but we cried when Rick lost it. Meanwhile, Hershel is proving to be the toughest post-apocalyptic son-of-a-bitch on one leg, bopping around on those crutches like he wasn't even wearing a blue stocking on the lower half of one leg.

Over in Stepford... er, ah... Woodbury, Andrea is so horny for the hot daddy in charge, that she can no longer make a single good decision. Michonne kept you alive for nine months, idiot! Through the winter, moron! Are all the batteries dead, too? I get it. I'd do that man in a heartbeat, unless the sword-wielding badass who has kept me alive for nine months didn't trust him! Speaking of bad-assery, Glenn may well be giving Michonne a run for her own bad-assery. Not only did he take out a Walker while duct-taped to a chair after he'd been severely beaten,  he then used the Walker's ulnae to fashion bone shivs for Maggie and himself. Damn! Then there's Merle, who has become the Governor's top man, reveling in his authority and the sadism he gets to practice, under it. Merle isn't half as badass as his younger brother, fan favorite Daryl, who has developed a sense of family and belonging with Rick and company. Here's hoping Daryl now lives by this code: Families are Chosen; Relatives are Not. On the other hand, Michonne and her hard-on for the Governor led to her discovery (and eventual destruction) of what was hiding in his closet. The ensuing hand-to-hand fight between the two was great, ending in a very painful-to-watch cyclopian outcome.

Back at the prison, a new group led by Tyreese (a character introduced in the comics much earlier than in the series' timeline) is under attack and make their way into the prison through the crumbling back wall. Their screams draw out the badass in annoying Carl, who helps, but doesn't trust the strangers and who seemed just a little too eager to pop the young woman who'd been bitten for my liking. Yeah, we know, Carl - you popped your own mom. That doesn't mean you get to pop every Walker-in-Waiting.

Finally, Glen and Maggie are rescued, but not safe; a vengeful cyclops blames a conspiracy and riles up his followers in a scene reminiscent of a certain 1930's German painter; insane experiments; sex and violence; guilt-inspired hallucinations; heart-hardening pain... what more could one want from a Horror series? How about some amazing performances and terrific writing, too? Well, you got 'em!

I know a lot of fans complained that Season 2 seemed to get bogged down at the farm, but I think we all needed that sense of complacency to prepare us for the roller-coaster Season 3 has proven to be. I am loving every episode this season and am so glad they listened to the fans and got back to some exciting story-telling. December and January are going to be difficult for the die-hards. This is one drama that just continues to get better. **** (Four out of Four Stars).

And to just follow-up on yesterday's weirdness, BoingBoing posted the below video in response to the "Buffalo Bill" dance video. It's even weirder and creepier, though the guy has a much better body. Again, you don't need to see the whole thing to get how truly weird it is but hey - whatever floats your boat (though I truly hope it's not this):

When my beloved "Fringe" leaves the air, "The Walking Dead" will move into my #2 Best Show on TV slot.

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Nonsense / Reviews / The Walking Dead / The Weirdest Thing / TV / Zombies with the title Zombies. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/12/tv-review-walking-dead-season-3-pt-1.html. Thanks!

Yoko Is Out of Her Mind (Plus Bonus Hilarity)

Looking Fierce to Hide His Embarrassment

Well, we've always known Yoko was a little mad. Now she's proving it with a men's fashion line for Opening Ceremony (via). Featuring decidedly unmasculine colors, patterns and fabrics; tube tops; exposed shoulders and open-toed, thigh-high boots with pockets, I can't imagine any man (gay or straight) not being laughed out of a room when wearing any of these clothes. Hell, I can't even imagine any drag queen I know wearing this over-priced, nonsensical crap.

Yes, I get it. Haute Couture is never really meant to be worn anywhere but on a runway. Thierry Mugler, Jean-Claude Gautier and other designers create these things primarily to show how clever they are. But their pret a portier (ready-to-wear) lines are never quite as outrageous and usually more acceptably mainstream. But Opening Ceremony is actually offering Yoko's designs for sale. I can't wait to see what Joan Rivers and company have to say about these togs on her snarky (and occasionally hilarious) show "Fashion Police." If you have a couple of thousand dollars you don't know what to do with and no dignity, you can own a Yoko Ono original. But I'd bet you wouldn't be willing to admit that you do.

Just look at that boot. I don't think that even the Marquis de Sade would wear those boots, unless he wanted to inspire pain from looking at his gnarly, yellow toenails. And just what would one keep in the pocket? A pack of smokes? A couple of tabs of X? Oh, maybe the remaining shreds of one's dignity. 

This line has led to me three distinct conclusions about Ms. Ono:

1. She's seen Cirque du Soliel's The Beatles: Love one too many times.

2. She dropped a lot of acid in the '70's.

3. She's always been insane and is now going out of her way to prove it.

You can draw whatever conclusions, you like. I'm sticking with these.
 

On a completely different and totally unrelated note, I stumbled upon this little gem earlier today (though I completely forget where) and had to share. Zombies are everywhere these days, and this banned commercial from XXL Sports takes full advantage of their popularity:

Nonsense, fashion, insanity and zombies. What more can one ask from a single post?

More, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Cirque du Soleil / Clothes / Fashion / Nonsense / The Beatles / Yoko Ono / Zombies with the title Zombies. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/11/yoko-is-out-of-her-mind-plus-bonus.html. Thanks!

Be Part of a Truly Original Zombie Movie

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

The photo on your left has only a little bit to do with tonight's post. 

One of my daily haunts is the Science/Art/Maker/Sci-Fi/Steampunk/Zombie loving BoingBoing. Today, the Happy Mutants (specifically author and site founder Cory Doctorow)  at BoingBoing posted about an IndieGogo* project from two Australian brothers who want to make a mashup movie of Mad Max and Zombies. The 7 minute clip from Wyrmwood he included got me very excited. You all know by know how much Uncle P loves a good, original Zombie movie. After watching the clip below, I kicked in a few bucks and encourage you to do so, as well. Personally, I can't wait to see Wyrmwood as a feature film.

The nearly dialogless clip works brilliantly as a short and I can't wait to see where the rest of the story goes. Here are the brothers making their personal appeal for funding:

*IndieGogo is a crowd-funding site similar to KickStarter, which encourages donations for artistic and altruistic projects which might not find money through traditional resources. I've been thinking about starting an IndieGogo or Kickstarter account to fund a trailer for Army of the Dead, but I think I need to find an illustrator to do some storyboards, first. In the meantime, I hope you'll help make Wyrmwood a reality and chip in a few bucks. I'd be first in line to see it.

More. anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Australia / Causes / Horror / Movies / Post Apocalyptic / Short Films / Trailers / Wyrmwood / Zombies with the title Zombies. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/11/be-part-of-truly-original-zombie-movie.html. Thanks!

Jack the Lumpy-Headed

Nicholas Hoult

I try really hard not to be mean about people. I do. And I am hardly a 10, myself (maybe a 5 -- a 6 on a really good day). Still -- there is something about Nicholas Hoult's head that disturbs me. I didn't notice it in About a Boy. He was just a kid; who knows how kids will turn out as adults. And I honestly didn't care for that rather treacly movie, anyway. 

I really didn't take notice until he played young Hank McCoy (AKA 'Beast') in X-Men First Class. I even mentioned his lopsided looks in my review of that movie though to be honest, I attributed it to the character's mutantism. I never saw the BBC series "Skins" or the remake of Clash of the Titans, though I did take note of him in the trailer for the Zombie RomCom Warm Bodies in which he plays a teenaged zombie with feelings.

Today, the full trailer for Bryan Singer's Jack the Giant Slayer was released online, and Hoult's head once again struck me as weird. I don't know what it is that exactly bothers me about him. Is it the over-grown eyebrows? The beady eyes? The thin-lipped mouth? The five-head? Maybe it's the wonky ears or the almost-but-not-quite-square jaw. Or maybe it's just the combination of all of those things. Hoult may be a talented performer and I suppose many people find him attractive. But I just don't get it. There's just no aesthetic balance there. And while I am sure he is a perfectly wonderful human being and I certainly bear no ill-will against him, I find myself oddly repulsed by his physiognomy. 

Anyway, here's the trailer for Singer's entry into the recent Fairy Tale Movie craze:

It looks terrific (other than Hoult's weird head) and features two amazing actors: Ewan McGregor (who just gets hotter as he ages) and the always amazing Stanley Tucci (whom I have lusted after ever since seeing Big Night). Singer, who made the first two X-Men movies (and is scheduled to make perplexingly titled prequel sequel {!} X-Men: Days of Future Past), has rarely disappointed me (even with the highly underrated Superman Returns), so I am looking forward to seeing what he does with a Grimm classic.

For further reference, here's the trailer for Warm Bodies:

Warm Bodies comes out in February and Jack the Giant Slayer in March.

Uncle P has a real stinker lined up for tomorrow's Turkey Day Turkey post, so I hope you'll check it out.

More, anon.

Prospero

You have read this article Bryan Singer / Fairy Tales / Movies / Nicholas Hoult / Trailers / Weirdness / Zombies with the title Zombies. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/11/jack-lumpy-headed.html. Thanks!

The Jury's Still Out

Brad Pitt in World War Z

I won't be posting Friday or Saturday because I'll be in L.A. on a business trip (as well as meeting up with my cousin; having drinks with an old college buddy and seeing Cirque du Soleil's "Iris") and will have limited Internet access through my phone. I'll be Tweeting (@Caliban761) and posting on Facebook, though. But none of that really has anything to do with tonight's post.

The first trailer for World War Z, director Marc Forster's (A Quantum of Silence; Monster's Ball) adaptation of Max Brooks' novel. I must admit, I wasn't really a fan of Brooks' novel. Modeled after Studs Terkel's "The Good War" (a book of interviews with people who lived through World War II), "World War Z" had no real narrative structure but is simply a series of interviews by a U.N. employee of people from around the world who were there when the zombie apocalypse went down. In the book, the plague begins in China, where the government does everything it can to suppress information. As the outbreak takes over the world, it is soon clear that humanity is on the brink of extinction. Personally, I found the novel rather boring. Without any clear protagonists to care about, the book failed to hold my interest more than halfway through. Even viewed as a series of short stories, the stories themselves were fairly repetitive and not all that exciting, relying on facts and figures rather than dramatic narrative.

With a script by "Lost" writer  Damon Lindelof and The Kingdom's Matthew Michael Carnahan. World War Z  is the first real big-budget zombie movie out of Hollywood. Most zombie movies (even 2009's Zombieland) until now have been small, independent films with mostly unknown casts directed by 'outsider' directors. World War Z, starring Brad Pitt; Eric West ("Smash"); Matthew Fox ("Lost;" "Party of Five"); David Morse (The Green Mile) and Marielle Enos (the U.S.version of "The Killing") has a big budget and even bigger expectations. I hope Lindelof and Carnahan have found  a way to overcome the problems inherent in Brooks' account of the 10 year-long zombie war.

The movie is also fanning the debate over "slow" vs. "fast" zombies, since the release of this trailer. While Brooks never really specifies in the book, my friend Peter and I agree that the "fast" zombies in the trailer look like swarming ants, much like the 'Marabunta' in 1954's The Naked Jungle (a rather interesting film I recommend, if you've never seen it. You can see the whole move here, though it occasionally shows up on TCM or AMC). 

Of course, I'll hold final judgment until I've actually seen World War Z, which is scheduled for release on June 21, 2013. But reports of reshoots and rewrites (never a good sign) and shooting scenes set in Philadelphia in Glasgow and Prague, have me skeptical. You can be sure I'll be seeing and reviewing it, though.

More, anon.
Prospero

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