TV Review: "Helix"

SyFy (I still can't get used to that silly name) debuted their latest original series "Helix" on Friday night with a double episode premiere. 

Set in an underground bio-lab in the Arctic, "Helix" is ostensibly about a group of CDC doctors led by Dr. Alan Farragut (Billy Campbell), who are sent to investigate a possible viral outbreak at the unregulated facility. Farragut is recruited by his ex-wife ("Supernatural" alum Kyra Zagorsky) primarily because the only surviving victim is his brother Peter (Neil Napier), with whom said ex-wife had an affair which ended their marriage. When Farragut and his team arrive, they are injected with RIFD's in their palms, which supposedly give them full access to the entire facility. 

Peter, near death with wildly fluctuating vitals and black blood when his brother's team arrives, somehow manages to escape his quarantined bed and rip his way into the facility's air ducts, using the severed hand of a security officer to access rooms now denied to him and spread the infection to other scientists. Meanwhile, a member of Alan's team learns that rats aren't the only lab animals in the facility when she is attacked by an infected rhesus monkey, after being told that no monkeys were present. It's obvious that something nefarious is going on here, especially after the facility's top scientist, Dr. Hatake (Hiroyuki Sanada), removes his contact lenses to reveal an unusual pair of reflective eyes.

I've been a huge fan of (and must admit to a massive crush on) the very attractive Campbell since first seeing him in The Rocketeer, a movie that should have done better at the box office and should have launched Campbell into an 'A-List' career. Most recently seen on TV as a disreputable politician in AMC's version of "The Killing," Campbell also starred as the leader of the cultish group of alien abduction survivors on USA's "The 4400," a show I loved and miss. He's still massively hot here and I would me remiss if I didn't admit that I'd watch him in almost anything in which he appears. That having been said, he once again holds his own among a cast of mostly unknowns in a series that offers few real surprises (so far).

Despite some dicey CGI effects and a storyline appropriated from several other sources (Stephen King's "The Stand" and John Carpenter's The Thing among them), I found myself thoroughly involved in and intrigued by "Helix" and am looking forward to seeing where it will go. And the upcoming appearance by "Star Trek" and "Body of Proof" alum Jeri Ryan will certainly appeal to both the str8 boys watching, as well as her many gay fans. Darker and decidedly creepier than my other SyFy favorite "Warehouse 13" (which is about to enter it's fifth and sadly final season), "Helix" has lots of potential. I just hope it lives up to that potential.

*** (Three Out of Four Stars).

More, anon.
Prospero

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Bad Movie Retro Review "The Dunwich Horror"

This past week especially has been that weird transitional week for TV. The Summer shows are just about over and the new shows and seasons just starting to trickle in, so there isn't a whole lot worth watching, even on the obscure, niche channels. So I've been doing a lot of channel surfing. If something looks interesting along the way, I'll DVR it and move on. Such was the case when I came across a movie I didn't even know existed on SyFy, 2009's The Dunwch Horror, based on the H.P. Lovecraft story of the same name. Then I saw the cast, which included Jeffrey Combs (a staple in every modern Lovecraft movie since Re-Animator) and Dean Stockwell! Yes, Dean Stockwell from "Quantam Leap." And even more importantly, Stockwell - along with Sandra Dee; Ed Begley; Lloyd Bochner and Sam Jaffe (all solid B-Listers at the time) - was the star of the 1970 film of the same name and origin. Not a lot happens in the 1970 version and it's probably the least scary horror movie of the era.

Tonight, I sat down to find out why I never heard of the 2009 version. And it was all too soon apparent. This movie is so ineptly made; so abysmally acted; so poorly written and features some of the most ridiculously lame physical FX since Ed Wood's Bride of the Monster. The story revolves around the search for the original copy of the fabled Necronomicon, a book used to summon the return of ancient evil gods who once ruled the earth, so it can instead be used against a group of cultists intent on restoring the Old Ones' rule. Stockwell plays a professor of Cthuhu-ology or some such idiocy, who is brought into exorcise a young girl possessed by a 5000 year old demon, using only a cheap, plastic ankh and 60's-era Japanese Kaiju animated power rays from his bare hands. Oh, and a Rubick's pyramid his assistant found under the floor. Meanwhile, a young couple on a road trip are stalked at a rural gas-station by Wilbur (Combs, doing his best demonic Billy Bob in Sling Blade via Jon Lovitz) who brings her to his crazy mother and grandfather so they can feed her to his demonic twin, Yog Sothoth. We know these people are evil because the film does weird little skips when they're on screen. While elements of this version run closer to the original story, the dialog is pure drivel and the acting is... well, I'm guessing half the cast got paid in weed, a quarter got paid in coke and a quarter paid and/or had sex to be in it. The laughable 'special effects' include poorly animated "magical" lights, ridiculous costume/make-up monster effects and a raging pink and purple storm cloud of apparently gay evil. 

Honestly, there are no words to convey how stupefyingly bad this movie was. I deliberately chose the word 'stupefyingly' because as dreadful as this movie was, I couldn't stop watching. I was truly stupefied (not so much that I didn't manage to fast-forward through the commercials. If you happen upon this movie in a similar way, remember Indy's advice to Marion: "Don't look at it! Shut your eyes, no matter what happens!" 

I almost saved that one for Turkey Month (and may revisit it), but I wanted to share my thoughts fresh. Further reflection may yield more hilarious insights. .00000003 Stars Out of Four.

More, anon.
Prospero

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My Favorite Steampunk Sci-Fi Show

If you're not watching "Warehouse 13" on SyFy, you're missing out on one of television's most entertaining and amusing Science Fiction shows, ever. No, it's not as good or intense as "Fringe" but it has a charm all its own and the chemistry between the two leads makes for the best TV Sci-FI team since Scully and Mulder.

For the unfamiliar, Warehouse 13 is a storage vault for artifacts which have certain powers and/or abilities, imbued upon them by their original owners. For example, Lewis Carroll's mirror allows one to play ping-pong with oneself; Ben Franklin's lightning rod boosts the energy to any object to which it's attached; Sylvia Plath's typewriter makes its user commit suicide... you get the idea. Run by a mysterious government agency of Regents headed by the even more mysterious (and apparently ageless) Mrs. Frederic (CCH Pounder), the Warehouse is overseen by Artie Nielsen (Saul Rubinek). Secret Service recruits Myka Bering (Joanne Kelly) and Pete Lattimer (Eddie McClintock) do most of the field work, aided by tech nerd Claudia Donovan (Allison Scagliotti) and psychic B&B owner Leena (Genelle Williams). New this season is gay ATF agent Steve Jinks (Aaron Ashmore*), who can tell whenever someone is lying just by looking into their eyes.

The team uses communicators called "Farnsworths" (after the accepted inventor of Televison) and energy guns called "Teslas" (after inventor Nikola Tesla). Artie's office is a compendium of Steampunk gadgets and keyboards while a variety of historical characters (HG Wells for one - who it turns out was really a woman in the Warehouse's universe) appear on a semi-regular basis.  Of course, the most fun comes from the "Will They or Won't They?" sexual tension between Myka and Pete.

A Tesla Gun

 Now in it's third season, "Warehouse 13" is SyFy's highest rated original show and that's hardly surprising, given the smart and funny writing combined with a charismatic and very attractive cast.

Last season's best episode involved Pete and Myka exchanging bodies (thanks to a pair of Gryffon bookends), which ramped up the sexual tension and made for some hilarious comments on the differences between men and women. Of course, in the sneak preview clip embedded below, that tension is increased tenfold. And it's also nice to see that McClintock has been working out over the hiatus. Yum!

I can't wait to see where the writers will take this show. Last season saw a crossover with SyFy's other terrific original series "Eureka." It can only get smarter, funnier and sexier from here. 

If you're a fan of Sci-Fi, Steampunk and Supernatural fiction, I promise you will love "Warehouse 13" as much as I do.

*Twin brother of X-Men's Iceman, Shawn Ashmore.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Sharktopus? Really?

The image to your right is NOT from the upcoming SyFy movie Sharktopus. It is, however, the most pertinant image I could find to represent one of the most ridiculously conceived movies of all time. Not that I'm bitter, mind you.

Well - that's not exactly true. I am just a little bit bitter. Why? Because my own screenplay, Army of the Dead was in the running for Sharktopus' spot on SyFy's schedule. If you haven't read it (and you can do so, here), my anti-war, political satire, zombie rom-com was one of three scripts pitched by Roger Corman's New Horizons Pictures for production by the basic cable network. Army... has been on Scriptbuddy's Top 5 list for more than a year and was a Top 1000 contender for Project Greenlight's final season.

Yes, I am tooting my own horn here, but I have to ask... Would you rather see an intelligent and politically relevant horror movie, or what is assuredly a ridiculous monster movie about a genetically impossible creature? The very enthusiastic rep from New Horizons assured me when he called, that AOD was "really good" and that he was going to push hardest for it in his pitch to SyFy. So what happened? I can only imagine the Suits at SyFy thought it was probably too smart and original, and went with the script that most embodied their usual crappy "Original" movies.

Have you ever seen a SyFy "Original?" They are, without exception, terrible. So maybe this is a blessing in disguise. And I don't mean to knock or demean the writer(s) of Sharktopus. I am sure he, she or they put as much work into that script as I did with mine. I just can't help but feel that Sharktopus is a sillier concept.

Call me "bitter." Call me a "sore loser." Call me a "narcissistic a-hole." Call me anything but "unoriginal. " And maybe I actually am a bad screenwriter. Maybe I think too highly of my own work. Still... of the hundreds of scripts listed on Scriptbuddy, one of mine is still rated by the site's users in the Top 5. Can the same be said of Sharktopus? I think not.

Oh, well. One company called and expressed an interest in producing it. Another one will. Things move slowly in Hollywood. My time will come.

And just so you know, here's a clip from one of SyFy's Originals:



Maybe I should be glad they didn't produce my piece, after all...


More narcissism, anon.
Prospero

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TV Review: "Warehouse 13"

I love my DVR. I just finished watching the pilot for SyFy's (I'm still not used to the change and think it's silly, but more on that, later) newest original series, the very Steampunky Warehouse 13 and I have to admit that I loved it. It's highly derivative of dozens of films and series that have come before, but it's just so much fun, you don't really care.

After a supernatural encounter at the opening an ancient art exhibit at the Smithsonian in which they save POTUS' life, two polar opposite Secret Service agents are recruited by the mysterious Mrs. Frederic, with orders to report to secret location, in an unnamed town in literally The Middle of Nowhere, South Dakota. There they find themselves assigned to gathering objects: relics, artifacts, historical documents, personal effects and exceptionally rare bits of oddness. Some display qualities that are quite dangerous, while others are merely amusing. The objects are then neutralized and stored in a cavernous, miles-long underground storage facility, the titular Warehouse 13. Among the warehouse's more interesting items are a stun-gun made by Tesla, a human-powered electric car made by Edison, Houdini's wallet and a wish-granting copper teakettle which produces a ferret whenever the wisher makes an impossible-to-grant wish (I must apologize to all the ferret lovers, out there for that last image. When I went to GoogleImages, I accidentally typed in "Evil Bitch from Uranus" and got that picture).

The 2 hour pilot gave us plenty of time to get to know the almost stock characters, but the cast is quite good (all long-time TV vets) and the chemistry between the two leads is excellent. Handsome Eddie McClintock (the poor man's David Boreanaz ) plays Agent Pete Lattimer, an impulsive, reformed alcoholic who boinks babes in meaningless one-nighters and gets "vibes" on which he always acts. Joanne Kelly ("Slings and Arrows;" "The Dresden Files") is Agent Myka Bering, a no-nonsense, by-the-book agent with an exceptional eye for detail who is still in mourning and suffering guilt over the death of her lover/partner. Veteran character actor Saul Rubinek ("Frasier") is Artie, the semi-mad scientist curator (and comic relief) of Warehouse 13. The always wonderful CCH Pounder is Mrs. Frederic, the mysterious ageless director of the project whose arrivals and departures are as silent as they are surprising. When asked by Bering and Lattimer's boss about how she got into his office, she deadpans "Through a door" with just enough irony to make sure we knew she didn't mean a physical one. There's an Indiana Jones/X-Files/Fringe/The Prisoner/Lost/Weird Science kind of thing going on that simply shouldn't work, but somehow does. It's certainly not as good as "Fringe," (how can it be? It doesn't have the astounding John Noble playing its madman), but it's certainly loads of fun. I hope they can keep it going. *** 1/2 (Three and a half Stars).

And now back to my SyFy comment, earlier. I may think the new name is stupid and indicative of the laziness of the texting generation, but I am glad to see the channel trying to improve its programming quality. I do hope that includes original movies, because they had some of the worst I've ever seen in my life (Mansquito, anyone?). I just hope they get as good as this giddy promotion clip promises:

More, anon.

Prospero

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