November Turkey of the Month

I couldn't let Turkey Month end without a true turkey, could I? Will Smith continues to ride the wave downwards with this 2008 stinker about the most unlikeable superhero, ever. Hancock may pose some interesting questions, but never bothers to answer them and it's hero ends up looking more like a dick, than anything else.

With no memories of his origins and lawsuits against him for the destruction he's caused, Smith's John Hancock is a cypher (if only). After his latest debacle, he his contacted by PR genius Ray Embrey (Jason Bateman),whose wife (Charlize Theron) just happens to be Hancock's immortal partner (or some such nonsense), doomed to immortal super powers (oh, boo-hoo!)

On a side note, no matter how adorable many of us may find Jason Bateman, there is little room in my imagination to allow Ms Theron to be his wife. 

"Breaking Bad" creator Vince Gilligan may have come up with the concept for Hancock, but not every idea is a good one. Poorly written and loaded with bad CGI FX, Hancock serves as just another notch on Smith's increasingly large list of bad movies. I was 'lucky' enough to see this movie for free while on a business trip a few years ago. I almost felt guilty about billing it to my expense account. There are rumors of a Hancock 2. It is my fervent hope that they will remain just that.

Given Smith's most recent track record, which includes Wild, Wild West; I Am Legend; Hancock and M.Night Shamalamadingdong's After Earth, I'd say Will needs a new manager. And while I won't go into the rumors about Will and Jada and their supposed sexualities, I will say that Mr.Smith might want to consider going back into the music industry. At the very least, he should teach his son to keep his mouth shut when it comes to education. 

In the end, Hancock is a truly terrible movie and certainly deserves the title "Turkey."

Ugh!

More, anon.
Prospero

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Super Twink?

That's a new Superman action figure by Play Arts. It's part of something they call the Kai Variant Series. Now, while Uncle P remains an avid fan of  Superheroes, it has admittedly been many years since I've read any comics ("Watchmen;" "The Walking Dead" and "Chew" don't count). I think I was 13 the last time I read an issue of "Superman" or "Batman." And I know there have been changes in the timelines and weird revisions and alternate universes. I get it. But there are a few things I don't understand. 

First of all, why does Kal-El need any armor, let alone Samurai-inspired armor? Or is this some official military dress uniform on Krypton? Or is this some sort of Cyber-Kal-El, enhanced by advanced bionics (look at his wrists) after some terrible accident, far away from the yellow sun? Or is Superman visiting the planet Krull?

But I think what bothers me the most about this particular action figure is it's disproportionately tiny head, which makes Supes look like a 19 year old twink headed out to a gay cosplayer rave in Vegas.

Personally, I like my Supermen to be Henry Cavil hot, Christopher Reeve compassionate and Brandon Routh adorable, with just a dash of George Reeves cockiness -- hold the Nicolas Cage, thank you.Wow! Talk about impossible standards... No wonder I'm still single. (Not LOL'ing here... No, seriously, FML). Oh, wait. Superman is fictional, isn't he? Never mind, then.

Anyway...

As a gay child, I think I figured out pretty early that many superheroes were in fact, gay allegories, whether they were intended to be so, or not. Outsiders, different from everyone else for whatever reason, who decided or were compelled to stand up against evil and protect the good, all why wearing fabulous spandex costumes with capes and amazing accessories (at least three designers featured utility belts last month in Paris). Eventually, both DC and Marvel were ahead of the curve by featuring gay characters (don't ask me what's going at DC right now, though) and even Archie Comics, once owned by a Christian publishing company, has a gay character with his own title, Kevin Keller. 

And please, no comments about internalized homophobia. I don't hate twinks. I don't hate anyone. I feel very sorry for exceptionally ignorant and douchey a-holes who don't get that we're all in this together and we better figure out a way to make it work, or we're all doomed. I just hope I live long enough to witness their inevitable extinction. 

Anyway...

This was an odd post ending an odd day (long story). So let's perform one more amazing segue to tie all of this nonsense together with Shocktober, shall we? I still haven't decided what I'm going to be for Halloween this year, though my fall back is the amazingly easily-achieved "Middle-Aged Gay Man."  In case you're still stumped, here are some ideas for Superhero costumes from last year's NY ComiCon:

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Wonder Woman Fans Deserve?

Rileah Vanderbilt as Diana Price/Wonder Woman

I still haven't seen Man of Steel and I'm hoping that's a good thing. Potential disappointment would have far less impact on the small screen. And while not particularly a fan of Ben Affleck as the Batman (Dare Devil was not entirely his fault), I am very dubious of the announced Batman/Superman  movie of 2015, which should be the lead in for DC's Justice League movie. Though many fans (myself included) think there should be a few more origin films before leaping right into JLA. There's both The Flash and Aquaman (the latter often being the least popular member of the JLA) and then there is Princess Diana of Themyscira* AKA Diana Prince AKA Wonder Woman.

*Formerly known as Paradise Island.

Created in the 1940's Wonder Woman (like many superheroes of the era) fought both Axis enemies and supervillians. She is an Amazon Princess with great strength, agility and courage. Her golden lasso forces anyone tied up in to tell the truth and her lighting reflexes & deflector bracelets keep her safe from gunfire. Oh. She has an invisible plane. She's gone through many changes over the years and like most superheroes has had some pretty outrageous story-lines. In a recent series, she was endowed with power by the Earth spirit Gaea, making her one of the most physically powerful DC characters, after Superman. 

Those of us old enough to do so, remember the very cheesy TV series starring Lynda Carter in a pair of blue Depends and the devilishly handsome Lyle Waggoner:

I never understood the point of an invisible plane if we can still see her. Of course, by Season 3, the opening credits lost the comic-book style animation and pro-women's rights lyrics in favor of instrumentals over action shots from the previous two seasons:

Since then, there have been several aborted attempts at a Wonder Woman feature and Direct-to-DVD animated movie, as well as a failed TV pilot from David E. Kelly with Adrianne Palicki ("Friday Night Lights") in the title role. The new costume didn't help.

Adrianne Palicki Fail

Earlier tonight, a friend shared the following on Facebook and I read it and watched it and thought "Yes! this is exactly how to do it!" A production company called Rainfall Films has put together a "concept clip" of how they think Wonder Woman should be made as a film. It certainly seems to fall into the more naturalistic DC Universe created by Chris Nolan's Batman films and perpetrated by Zack Snyder in Man of Steel. And while we don't really get a sense of her acting skills, "Fitness Model/Actor/Unicorn" Rileah Vanderbilt certainly fits the bill physically.

I also like how they've structured the piece with a relevant flashback with decent (if seen-before) CGI effects. Watch the clip for yourself and I'll be back with a few more comments. I recommend watching on Full Screen with the volume on:

Wow! Now THAT's a Wonder Woman for the 21st Century. The costume is perfect Amazon Warrior and the action is fun and exciting with that gritty Nolanesque (yes, I just created a new director-named adjective) attitude and I much prefer her ability to fly over the invisible plane. 

What say you, fellow geeks? Would you see this version of Wonder Woman? Because yer damned Skippy, I would!

More, anon.
Prospero

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TV Review: "Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."

Marvel, in their quest to dominate the superhero genre in all media, has launched the most anticipated new show of the season. ABC's "MAoS" is the second brand new show of the season and the second to become permanently scheduled on my DVR. Created by Joss Whedon (Marvel's The Avengers; "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") and directly tied to Marvel's ever-increasing role in popular culture and entertainment, "MAoS" may well do what "Heroes" and "No Ordinary Family" failed to do. If you haven't seen it, there are spoilers ahead.

As I am sure everyone expected and was delighted to find, "MAoS" was slick, smart, action-packed and an awful lot of fun. Having the most fun of all is Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson (and the only permanent cross-over character from the previous films). But... wait... didn't agent Coulson die in The Avengers? Well... Coulson explains that Nick Fury faked his death to rally the Avengers into a team. Coulson recovered from his wounds at a spa in Tahiti. Of course we find out... well, Coulson is either a clone with a memory implant or Coulson, actually raised from the dead. I'm guessing we won't find out this season. Cobie Smulders crossed over for the pilot, as well, recreating her role as Maria Hill. The rest of the team is made up of Agent Grant Ward (ridiculously handsome Brett Dalton - those names seem somehow easily interchangeable); Agent Melinda May (Ming-Na Wen); physicist Leo Fitz and biologist Jemma Simmons (Iain De Caestecker & Elizabeth Henstridge) are known collectively as "Fitzsimmons" while hacker/conspiracy blogger Skye (Chloe Bennet) who has skills they need.

Just about everything in the pilot, from the writing, casting, direction and special effects were simply top-notch. And they set a perfect mythology/mystery in motion with the need to find and stop the person and/or persons behind "Project Centipede," which (if the writers are smart) should be a recurring theme among stand-alone episodes, rather than the season's whole focus. But who the heck am I to tell Joss Whedon and company how to write their show, anyway?  Anyway, if you didn't watch it, you should. Geeky fanboy fun for the whole family. **** (Four Out of Four Stars)

Oh, and by the way... I want Lola!

More, anon.
Prospero

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Belated Review: "Kick-Ass 2"

D and I really enjoyed the 'real-life superhero' movie Kick-Ass, director Matthew Vaughn's (Stardust; X-Men: First Class) 2010 entry into the genre. 3 years later, Dave 'Kick-Ass" Lizewsky (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is back with a few new friends. Mindy 'Hitgirl' Macready (Chloe Grace-Moritz) has continued her costumed crusade against evil-doers, despite the objections of her guardian, Detective Marcus Williams (Morris Chestnut) though Dave has hung up his green and yellow costume, resulting in intense boredom. So bored, in fact, he contacts Hitgirl and convinces her to team up and start training again. When Marcus discovers she's been hitting the streets as Hitgirl again, he makes Mindy promise she'll stop and Kick-Ass goes in search of a new partner in the form of Dr. Gravity (Donald Faison). The two soon find themselves members of the superhero team 'Justice Forever,' headed up by former mob-enforcer turned Born-Again Christian, 'Colonel Stars and Stripes' (Jim Carrey). Meanwhile, former superhero 'Red Mist' (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) wants revenge for his father's death at Kick-Ass' hands and after his mother's death transforms himself into the kinky pleather-clad super villain "The Motherfucker," using his wealth to amass an army of killers and assassins to help him get said revenge.

Directed and co-written by Jeff Wadlow (Cry Wolf; "Bates Motel"), Kick-Ass 2 turns out to be a somewhat worthy sequel, though it sorely lacks Vaughn's subtle humor and attention to detail. Taylor-Johnson is fine here (and incredibly ripped), falling comfortably back into the role, while Grace-Moritz gets to tease some of her upcoming title role as a bullied outsider in the Carrie remake due later this fall. Mintz-Plasse is all over the place and over-the-top as the blind-with-rage villain, but he makes it work. Faison and the rest of the Justice Forever team are fun and funny, though Carrey is poor substitute for Nicholas Cage (who was spot on as Batman-wannabe Big Daddy in the first film) and Chestnut is wasted in a role that could have been played by almost anyone. Muscular Russian body builder Olga Kurkulina is terrifyingly imposing as a former KGB assassin "Mother Russia." but comedian John Lequizamo is also wasted as Mintz-Plasse's bodyguard/Man Friday, Javier.

The plot gets bogged down a bit while both Dave and Mindy take time to rediscover why they do what they do and a purely sexual relationship between Kick-Ass and 'Night Bitch' (Dawn of the Dead's Lindsey Booth) distracts and cheapens the premise. And while Kick-Ass was full of violence and murders, Kick-Ass 2 ramps it up with loads of gore and excessive cruelty (which, in the aftermath of the Newtown shootings, led Carrey to decry the film's violence). Costume designer Sammy Sheldon has loads of fun creating 'real-life' super & villain costumes and Production designer Russell de Rosario manages to create some very amusing hyper-realistic New York settings.

I saw the movie with my friend Mike, who agreed that while it was a fun, 'park-your-brain-at-the-door' actioner, it wasn't quite as good as the original. Kick-Ass 2 is rated 'R' for Strong Violence; Pervasive Languge; Crude and Sexual Content and Brief Nudity. ** (Two Out of Four Stars). The red-band trailer below is probably NSFW:

More, anon.
Prospero

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Holy Mjolnir

Chris Hemsworth

While I found Kenneth Branaugh's Thor to be a messy and rather silly entry in the Avengers films, Australian hottie Chris Hemsworth proved to be a rather perfect Thor and I actually enjoyed his performance in Marvel's The Avengers.

This November, Thor and Hemsworth are back in Thor: The Dark World. Directed by "Game of Thrones" director Alan Taylor, the movie re-unites Hemsworth with human love interest Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) in a story about a dark entity which threatens both Earth and Asgard (Thor's home world). 

Combining Norse mythology with modern Superhero comics, Marvel's comics place Thor in the body of disabled med student Donald Blake, who discovers his godhood almost by accident. The movies ignore this part of the origin story, much to the dismay of loyal Marvel fanboys. Personally, I'm more of a DC guy and really don't care about Thor's origin story, But a hot Aussie in as little clothing as possible? I'm there!

Here (via) is the trailer for Thor: The Dark World:

I know Marvel has several gay Supes in their stable. Too bad Thor isn't one of them. And too bad we have yet to see one in any of their films.

More, anon
Prospero

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Summer of Suck Part Deux?

Okay, is it me, or have there been very few summer tentpole movies to actually live up to their potential once again this summer? And yes, I missed a lot of them, though only one by accident. And it seems as though I really didn't miss much...

This past weekend saw the opening of South African director Neil Blomkamp's big-budget debut Elysium. It took the number one spot for its opening weekend but performed far below expectations, beating out stoner comedy We're the Millers by just $3M. As a fan of Blomkamp's debut District 9, Uncle P was excited for this big-budget thriller starring Matt Damon and Jodie Foster. And then I started reading the reviews and had to take pause when Colin Berry, one of the Happy Mutants at the insane Science/Art/Maker/Literature/Politics blog BoingBoing posted his review, calling it "...everything that sucks about movies these days." (Read it here).

And lots of big-budget blockbusters saw similar fates. R.I.P.D.; The Lone Ranger; World War Z; and After Earth (even though it never advertised that it was directed by one-hit wonder M. Night Shyamalan) all failed, miserably. Guillermo del Toro's much-anticipated Kaiju Vs. Giant Robots movie Pacific Rim underperformed, as did White House Down with Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx. 

The top performers so far this summer? Despicable Me 2; The Conjuring (a movie I wanted more from); Monsters University; Man of Steel and Iron Man 3. I've seen only one movie on this list and liked it, but not nearly as much as some people.

No one is quite sure why some of these movies failed, though I suspect that audiences have finally caught on and want more than just CGI FX and deafening sound to carry a movie. To which I say: Hurray!

But summer's not over and I have high hopes for a few late summer/early fall releases:

Kick-Ass 2 (NSFW):



The World's End:



Riddick:



Insidious: Chapter 2:



Gravity:



That last clip is absolutely terrifying! I can't wait!

More, anon.
Prospero

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Potential Cinema Nerdgasms

Well, it looks like we may well have another summer and fall of potentially terrific movies ahead of us. I have yet to see Ironman 3, but I thought Star Trek Into Darkness was a lot of fun. Of course, even Will Smith couldn't save M. Knight Shayamalon's latest, After Earth, though for once, I can't fault M. Knight alone. The concept was Smith's and it is obvious from many a publicity still that the movie had two directors. Does the Philly-based director get a pass, then? Nope. He lost his pass with The Village. He went on to lose all credibility as a writer with the abysmal Lady in the Water. I honestly don't understand why studios and/or producers continue to pay this man to direct movies no one wants to see.

Still, there are plenty of upcoming films that give Uncle P a Nerd-On. Starting with Man of Steel. This year, my  Birthday Present Movie from Christopher Nolan is Henry Cavill as possibly the hottest Kal-El ever. I know I've both complained and gushed about this movie, but the more I see of it, the more I want to see it. I've already sent a "Save the Date" email to the Usual Suspects (D, K. Q, Dale, etc.), while trying my best to keep my expectations in check. Still... Cavill is absolutely breathtaking; Amy Adams will always be one of my favorite actors ever and the involvement of  Nolan all give me hope that Zach Snyder's reboot of the original Superhero will be as good as the trailers promise:

On the silly side, opening just a few days earlier is the all-star apocalypse comedy, This Is the End, a movie I've reserved to see with D (Trailer NSFW):

The following weekend features three releases, only two of which have my attention. First is Pixar's prequel to Monsters, Inc., Monsters University:

Brad Pitt's World War Z opens the same weekend. I found Max Brooks' novel to be boring and derivative, and certainly unfilmable as is contained no true narrative plot. Brooks has already disavowed the film and there is nothing in any of the trailers that makes me want to see what is sure to be another big budget flop. Is it unfair of me to already hate this movie?

Also seeing release that week is the remake of the 80's slasher Maniac, starring everyone's favorite Hobbit as a serial killer (may be NSFW):

There are plenty more, like my Birthday Gift from Guillermo del Toro, Pacific Rim:



And James Wan's take on 'Demonologists' Ed and Lorraine Warren, The Conjuring:

And since we're already talking about Wan, his sequel to one of my favorite recent horror movies is scheduled for release on Friday, September 13th. D has already promised to see it with me, though he said he can't promise not to cry:

There are tons more movies I (and probably you) want to see this summer. I'm taking the season off from theatre (for the first time since 1987) so I might actually get to see more films this year. 

More, anon.

Prospero

PS - Watch for links updates to this post.

You have read this article Guillermo del Toro / Horror / Hot / James Wan / Kaiju / Movies / Nonsense / sci-Fi / Summer 2013 / Superheroes / Trailers with the title Superheroes. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2013/06/potential-cinema-nerdgasms.html. Thanks!