Jurassic Pork

Chicken Flavour?

Jurassic Park IV has been rumored for so long, I had begun to think it wouldn't and probably shouldn't happen. Remember back in 2007 when it was announced that the movie was being cast and would feature dinosaurs with guns? That makes about as much sense as Chicken Flavoured Vegetarian Ham (and whatever the hell that is, keep it as far away from me as possible, please and thank you!).

Now, as much as I liked the original movie and hate both of it's even more ridiculous sequels (OK - I'll admit that I laughed when the Japanese tourists were running from the T-Rex in JP2), the idea of a third sequel never really sat well with me. In fact, most sequels (with a few exceptions), remakes and reboots (again, with a few exceptions) never really sit well with me. I've always been interested in original films with original ideas and find most such films to be lazy attempts to cash in on something that has already proven to be successful. Ever see The Sting II or Superman IV? How about Bewitched, The Dukes of Hazard or The Stepford Wives? Ugh!

That's not to say that all such films are terrible. But for every The Italian Job or The Fly, there's a Godzilla, The Wolfman or The Wicker Man taking big, smelly dumps on the originals. 

Indiewire is now reporting that Universal Pictures has scheduled Jurassic Park IV for release in June of 2014 (of course, they're also reporting that a script has been commissioned for the completely unnecessary Pirates of the Caribbean V, but I digress). The real news in this story is that the latest script for Jurassic Park IV has been written by Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, the writers behind the very entertaining Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which revived the franchise that was nearly destroyed by Tim Burton's 2001 remake starring Mark Wahlberg. I can only imagine that if anyone can revive the late Sci-Fi writer Michael Chrichton's vision, it's these two.

Still - I can only wonder where they might take the story and must offer up a few ideas of my own.:

1. Jurassic Park IV: Dinos on the Run. Knowing they are feared and despised by the public at large, the dinosaurs go on the lam, hiding in seedy motels under bad pseudonyms like 'John Dodecasaurus' and 'Tommy Rex.' Pursued by a team of government agents led by Leonardo DiCaprio, they soon find themselves lost in world of alcohol, drugs and loose women. Directed by Gary Sherman and starring Wings Hauser as John.

2. Jurassic Park IV: Night of the Giant Iguana. A former priest leads a group of aging women on a tour of Isla Nublar and learns a valuable lesson about his life's failure before being eaten by a pack of hungry velociraptors. Starring Hugh Jackman, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Helen Mirren and Dame Maggie Smith. Directed by Danny Boyle.

3. Jurassic Park IV: Rise of the Iguanadons. When an evil dinosaur threatens to take over the world, it's up to a team of Europasuruses to stop her from turning the world into a frozen wasteland. Animated. With the voice talents of Jude Law, Isla Fisher, Alec Baldwin and Fran Drescher as the Iguanadon. Directed by Don Bluth and produced by Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro.

4. Jurassic Park IV: Lost in Pangaea. A lonely Allosuarus pines for a simpler time when 80's New Wave music ruled the airwaves and size 127 Chucks were available in hot pink. When she's married off to the Rex of Pangaea, Allie realizes how empty her life is and willingly submits to death by meteor. Starring Parker Posey, Steve Carrell, Bill Murray and Kirsten Dunst as Allie. Directed by Sophia Coppola and Christopher Guest.

5. Jurassic Park IV: We Just Don't Care Anymore. Dinosaurs kill everyone and destroy everything. Starring Matthew Broderick; Pierce Brosnan; Helen Hunt; Hank Azaria; Betty White; Ed Asner; Pam Grier; Samuel L. Jackson; Sid Haig; Anne Heche; Woody Harrelson; Jake Gyllenhaal; Harvey Fierstein; Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and the corpse of Charleton Heston. Directed by Roland Emmerich and Seth MacFarland.

Spielberg's original Jurassic Park is scheduled for a 20th Anniversary (HOLY CRAP!) 3D IMAX re-release later this year. I only hope that Jaffa and Silver have been able to come up with a script worthy of their Apes re-boot that is as excitingly entertaining as David Keopp's adaptation of Chrichton's novel.

More, anon.
Prospero

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It Knows What Scares You

Sorry, D

I know that I've written about Tobe Hooper's Poltergeist several times. And there's a very good reason for that: it's a true modern genre classic. And I'll get to the why's and wherefores in just a minute.

First, I would like to note that Poltergeist serves as one of four movies with which I can always win a bar bet. I've seen this film so many times, you can play any scene without dialogue and I can tell you exactly what's happening on screen just by listening to the score. The other movies I can do this with are Raiders of the Lost Ark; Psycho and the original version of King Kong. I know my sister can also do this with Poltergeist; probably with Raiders... and maybe with Kong. But that's beside the point...

The Freelings are a typical suburban family of the early 1980's. Father Steven (Craig T. Nelson) is a successful realtor in Cuesta Verde, the planned California community in which they reside. Mom Diane (Jobeth Williams) is young and hip, while rebellious teenaged daughter Dana (Dominique Dunne) and her younger siblings Robbie (Oliver Robins) and Carol Anne (Heather O'Roarke) are typical kids. They all live typically messy suburban lives. A construction team installing their in-ground pool has the backyard in a tizzy, while the death of the family canary Tweety has Carol Anne wanting a canary funeral and Robby wanting to dig Tweety up after it rots.* One night, while Steven and Diane fall asleep in front of the TV, Carol Anne comes in to watch the post Anthem buzz (this was before the days of 24 hour cable) and begins talking to the "TV people." Soon, furniture in the kitchen begins to rearrange itself and Carol Anne can slide across the kitchen floor without being pushed. These seemingly harmless events soon escalate and Carol Anne is eventually captured by the "TV People" during a thunderstorm, her voice crying out from the TV for help. 

At their wits' end, the Freelings call in a team of parapsychologists, led by Dr. Lesh (Beatrice Straight) who brings her assistants Ryan (Richard Lawson) and Marty (Martin Casella). After a particularly awful night in the house in which Marty sees himself tearing off his own face, Dr. Lesh calls in diminutive psychic Tangina (Zelda Rubenstein), who sends Steven on a journey through the Other Side to rescue Carol Anne from the 'Beast' which holds her captive. Tangina declares the house 'clean,' though the horror isn't over. It is eventually discovered (after Diane spends some horrifying moments among the corpses in her unfinished pool) that Steven's boss, developer Teague (James Karen) has built Cuesta Verde on an old cemetery where he moved the headstones, but left the bodies. The Freeling's house is eventually consumed by a psychic black hole.

Tobe Hooper, best known as the writer and director of the original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, had his undisputed best success with Poltergeist, though there are those who would argue that producer Steven Spielberg actually directed the movie. There are 'Speilbergian' touches all over the place, including his trademark close-ups and reaction shots. Of course, the performances of the (mostly) then unknown cast that make Poltergeist so good. Nelson and Williams are just terrific as the suburbanites who find themselves up against forces beyond their comprehension, while the accomplished Straight (Network) lends gravitas to the role of the bewildered parapsychologist (and I must admit to using part of her performance to inform my own performance in a college production of Equus). Add loads of foreshadowing in the brilliant script from Spielberg, Michael Grais and Mark Victor; a creepy clown doll; a terrifying tree; a ceiling crawl and amazing effects from Jeff Jarvis, Jose Abel and company, and you have the iconic ghost movie of all time. Oh, and then there's Jerry Goldsmith's aforementioned score. Genius doesn't even begin to cover how brilliantly Goldsmith was able to musically convey what's happening on screen. Can you say "Perfect Movie?"

Sadly, increasingly inferior sequels and the unfortunate deaths of several actors involved in the film and it's sequels (including young Heather O'Roarke's untimely death from an intestinal blockage and the murder of Dominique Dunne at the hands of an unstable ex) have led to a bizarre, cultish following to what should be considered one of the 80's best horror films.

Unfortunately, a completely unnecessary remake has been announced, though I (for one) am hoping the project never comes to fruition. Poltergeist remains one of the few ghost movies that scares, entertains and fascinates all at the same time. Any remake would have to prove exceptionally extraordinary to be worth seeing. Personally, I don't see that happening.

More, anon.

Prospero

You have read this article Classics / Dear D / Evil Clowns / Ghost Movies / Ghosts / Halloween / Horror / My Sister / Poltergeist / Scores / Shocktober / Steven Speilberg / Tobe Hooper with the title Steven Speilberg. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2012/10/it-knows-what-scares-you.html. Thanks!

Marketing for Dummies (or Should that Be "to Dummies?")

Christmas is essentially over. Uncle P has one more gift exchange with my three closest friends tomorrow and today was a Boxing Day gift exchange and Chinese smorgasbord with dear friends from college. I think everyone was and will be quite pleased with their gifts. 

Sadly, it's the gifts that seem to be the focus of Christmas, these days (though honestly, with my friends, it's the chance to spend time together). And yes, that's an old complaint. As far back as (and probably well before) 1965's "A Charlie Brown Christmas," Charles Schultz was bemoaning the commercialization of the holiday. Of course, we all have Mr. Charles Dickens to thank for it. Before the publication of A Christmas Carol, Christmas was a minor Christian holiday, far surpassed by Easter, which is the basis for the entire religion. And it was only after the Catholics co-opted the pagan holiday of Winter Solstice that the birth of Jesus was celebrated in December. Historical accounts place the actual birth in March or April, depending on which calendar is being used. And please don't get me wrong; I have no doubt that Jesus of Nazareth existed. There are plenty of documents other than the New Testament to verify that. It's the rest of it I have a problem with. 

But none of that has anything to do with this post. And I'm sure by now you must be wondering what any of this has to with Marketing and the new NBC musical "Smash." Well, I'll tell you.

I came across this first video on Facebook, posted by three friends whose only connection is yours truly. Riley is an amazingly perceptive young lady, who goes on a gender-biased marketing rant in her local Toys-R-Us. I hope she maintains her amazing acuity as she gets older.

I see a Gender Studies Major in the making, here.

And then on Towleroad, I came across the  promotional clip for the aforementioned "Smash" below. Produced by Steven Spielberg and starring Deborah Messing; Angelica Huston; Megan Hilty; Jack Devenport and "American Idol" winner Katharine McPhee, "Smash" is a story about the mounting of a Broadway musical, from inception to opening night curtain. The musical in question is a biography of Marilyn Monroe and from what I can gather, it focuses on the making of a 'star.' 

Now that's how you market a new show.

Spielberg admits that he is clueless about how a Broadway show comes to fruition, so it will be interesting to see if he has put together the right team to pull off a show like "Smash." Having cut my teeth on musical theatre and about to start rehearsals for what I'm pretty sure will be my last musical theatre performance, I am intrigued by and excited for "Smash." I hope it lives up to its hype.

I hope I made all the connections, here. We're all targets, folks. Just look at the ads on you Facebook walls. Hell, look at the ads Google places on my blog. Buy this! Watch that! Spend your money here! It doesn't take a genius to see what the Madmen are doing. The real joke is, they're making money by telling you where and how to spend yours. It makes my head hurt...

More, anon.

Prospero

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TV Review: "Falling Skies"

TNT takes a chance on a genre that failed for both ABC ("V") and NBC ("The Event") and climbs aboard the Alien Invasion bandwagon with the Steven Spielberg produced "Falling Skies," starring "E.R." alum Noah Wyle and Moon Bloodgood ("Day Break").

Starting six months after the initial invasion, "Falling Skies" is the story of a rag-tag band of resistance fighters and civilians in Massachusetts. Wyle is Professor Tom Mason, who specializes in military history. He and his sons Hal (Drew Roy) and Matt (Maxim Knight) have joined the resistance after losing Tom's wife and son Ben (Connor Jessup). Bloodgood is the group's medic, a pediatrician called on to perform duties for which she was never trained. Character actors Bruce Gray; Will Patton; Mpho Koaho and Dale Dye head up the supporting men, while Jessy Schram; Sarah Carter and Seychelle Gabriel provide for the damsels in distress who don't need rescuing.

The aliens (so far) fall into 2 categories: the six-limbed 'Skitters' and the robotic 'Mechs.' Using what the humans call 'harnesses,' the Skitters have enslaved the captured children (including Ben), using them to harvest scrap metal to build gigantic structures of unknown purpose.

I really want to like "Falling Skies." While hardly an original concept (see Battle: L.A. and Skyline, most recently), it has so far offered up some compelling, if cliched, characters doing their best to survive amidst the worst possible of circumstances. Of course, if you want a better written, acted and produced version of that story, I recommend AMC's far superior "The Walking Dead," which has zombies in place of the aliens. And speaking of aliens, the thing "Falling Skies" fails most at is the monsters. The Skitters are simply smaller versions of the alien in Super 8 and the Mechs look like they were ripped off from Star Wars. And I won't even get into the scene previewed in next week's episode which is right out of Roland Emmerich's Independence Day. 

While "Falling Skies" is (mostly) well-acted, its marginal production values and unoriginal concepts (Invaders from Mars; The Puppetmasters; ID4)  keep it from being the series it should be, especially given its Spielbergian pedigree. I'll keep watching (mostly because summer TV offers few original alternatives) and hoping it gets better. But unless it improves greatly over the next few episodes, I have little hope that "Falling Skies" will last beyond a single season. *1/2 (One and a Half Stars Out of Four). 

More, anon.
Prospero

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Review: "Super 8"

J.J. Abrams gave the world "Lost," a TV show with the most complicated mythology ever. It had monsters and weird science and even time travel. People either loved it or loathed it. I, for one, adored it. Having spent most of his career as a writer/producer/director in TV, Abrams made his feature film directing debut with 2006's Mission: Impossible III, followed by his terrifically fun reboot of Star Trek in 2009. Last year, Abrams teamed up with the creator of the Summer Blockbuster, Steven Spielberg to make Super 8.

It's the summer 1979 and a group of friends are helping their buddy Charles make a zombie movie for a Super 8 Film Contest. Joe (Joel Courtney) is the makeup and sound guy. Joe builds Aurora monster models and uses tips from the Dick Smith book 'Movie Monster Makeup' to create his zombie effects. And he just lost his mother in an industrial accident at the small town Ohio steel plant where she worked. Alice (Elle Fanning) is brought in to play the new character Charles just added, much to Joe's not-so-secret delight. When the friends, including Cary, Martin and Preston,  sneak away to shoot a train station scene at midnight, they end up witnessing (and recording) a horrific train derailment. Of course, it turns out the train is an Air Force transport train, carrying... something. Almost immediately afterward, strange things start happening in town: people disappear, all the dogs run away and the power starts acting funny. When the Sheriff goes missing, it's up to the town's deputy -- and Joe's still-grieving, distant father -- to try and find out what's going on.

Hearkening back to those early Spielberg movies, Super 8 is Sci-Fi adventure that's part Goonies, part Close Encounters and part Cloverfield. It's also a welcome return to the kind of summer movie where character and story are more important than explosions and special effects. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of explosions and special effects, but they're there to enhance the plot, not to distract the audience from noticing the lack of one. The performances are terrific across the board, but this is Joe's story and young Joel Courtney is simply wonderful in his film debut, reminding us all of what it's like to be 13 and in love for the first time. And Ms Fanning (last seen in Sofia Coppola's Somewhere) is just radiant as Alice, displaying -- at age 13 -- skills most actresses spend decades developing. I'm betting she'll eclipse her older, more famous sister and go on to an amazing career. Kyle Chandler plays Joe's confused, frightened and still mourning father with just the right mix of fear and anger while Ron Eldard as Alice's father is right on target as a guilt-ridden, over-protective single dad. There are plenty of appearances from character actors you've seen a hundred times, including Glynn Turman; Noah Emmerich; Jessica Tuck and the voice of Homer Simpson, Dan Castelleneta. 

Abrams' script is funny, exciting and scary at all the right times (watch for a very amusing reference to the 'Father of all Zombies') and he never lets his directing get in the way, often deliberately mimicking Spielberg's style without making it seem like he's stealing at all. Chock full of exciting chases and escapes; creepy, half-seen monstrosities; nostalgic humor and a touch of young love, Super 8 is a welcome return and homage to the A-Movie version of the classic B-Movie. Don't let this one slip by without seeing it on a big screen. **** (Four Out of Four Stars).

By the way, do yourself a huge favor and stick around for a rather delightful surprise during the end credits.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Super 8

I didn't get to see X-Men: First Class this weekend, though I am hoping to do so, soon. But I'm really much more excited to see J.J. Abrams' new film opening next weekend: Super 8.

Abrams created the amazing TV series "Lost," and directed the 2009 re-boot Star Trek, an entertaining (if uneven) origins movie that reset Gene Roddenberry's original time line.

Legendary filmmaker Steven Spielberg produced Super 8, which features a cast of mostly unknown (except for Elle Fanning) youngsters, along with hottie Kyle Chandler (King Kong; "Friday Night Lights"); Ron Eldard (Blackhawk Down) and Bruce Greenwood (Dinner for Schmucks; Star Trek). 

Super 8 is the story of a group of young filmmakers in 1979 who witness a train wreck while shooting a movie in their small town. On board the train is something being transported from the notorious Area 51, which proceeds to wreck havoc on said small town.

I've been very excited to see this movie since the first teasers hit cinemas last fall and I really hope the former and current Wunderkinds are able to deliver the kind of movie we've all come to expect from them.

So I am issuing a challenge to my movie-loving friends: Q, Dale, D & K - are ya'll up to seeing this one with me? I can't imagine anyone else (except my sister, who is just too far away) with whom I'd want to see this one. Are you all in?

More, anon.

Prospero

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Is Anyone Really Excited About This?

The trailer for Steven Spielberg's motion-capture version of the Belgian comic Tintin is out, and while I must admit that Peter Jackson's WETA studios seems to have overcome the creepy dead-eyes issue that has plagued Robert Zemeckis' motion-capture movies, I just can't seem to work up any enthusiasm for this movie.

As a kid, I knew Tintin existed because we had to read it in French class, but I couldn't really get into the series. I think I was put off my his weird pointy hair. Tintin was a young reporter, going off on adventures only Belgian kids (and Spielberg) could truly appreciate.

Tintin was joined by his fox terrier, Milou (Snowy) and a series of weird companions like Captain Haddock (sounds fishy to me)*; the hearing-impaired Professor Tournesol ("Sunflower" in French, but "Calculus" in the American versions) and opera singer Bianca Castafiore. 

The first teaser trailer has hit the web, and it looks as though Spielberg may very well have the tone that creator Herge' intended, while infusing a bit of Indiana Jones style adventure, something missing from the rather talky comics I remember reading as a young teen.  Take a look (via) and tell me what you think:

Interesting? Only time will tell.

More, anon.
Prospero

*I make no apologies for that terrible joke, BTW...

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ABC Horror Movie of the Week

From the late 60's through most of the 70's, the ABC Network's Movie of the Week dominated Monday nights. These usually inexpensive made-for-TV movies were sometimes quite good, though more often really dreadful. And let's not forget that they provided the jumping ground for the most successful film director of all time.

The first ABC Movie of the Week aired in September of 1969 and was called Seven in Darkness. It involved a group of blind passengers on a plane that crash lands in a remote wilderness. I really don't know if I saw this movie or not. The first Movie of the Week I can remember seeing was Dr. Cook's Garden, starring that lovable child-abuser Bing Crosby as a kindly small-town doctor who kills people he thinks are immoral., though I don't remember much about it. The one's I really remember are the Horror Movies of the Week. The first that really grabbed my attention was Steven Speilberg's directorial debut, Duel; starring Dennis Weaver as man caught in a deadly game of Cat-and-Mouse with a never-seen trucker. Written by Richard Matheson (Psycho), it was a huge hit for ABC:

The following year, ABC gave us The Night Stalker, about a schleppy reporter working for a Los Vegas tabloid who stumbles across a series of murders which appear to be the work of a real vampire. Starring Darren McGavin (A Christmas Story) as the reporter, Karl Kolchak (a role he'd repeat in both a sequel and a short-lived series); Carol Lynley (The Poseidon Adventure) and Simon Oakland as the crotchety editor, The Night Stalker garnered the highest ratings ever for a made-for-TV movie:

January of 1973 saw two Horror movies, two nights in a row. First, a ridiculous thriller starring Shelley Winters; Belinda J. Montgomery, Robert Foxworth and Barnabas Collins himself, Jonathan Frid. The Devil's Daughter was lurid and weird and actually not very good.

The very next night, we were treated to The Night Strangler, the lesser sequel to The Night Stalker. Kolchak and company have now moved to Seattle where Kolchak finds another apparently immortal killer, this time an endocrinologist who lives in the old, underground Seattle and uses human glands to prolong his life. Match-Game regular JoAnn Pflug starred as 'belly-dancer.' It also featured a cameo by Horror's B-List Top-Dog, John Carradine:

In October of 1973, two days after my sister's birthday, ABC aired one of their most infamously disturbing Movies of the Week, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Kim Darby (Better Off Dead) and the late Jim Hutton ("Ellery Queen") starred as a young couple who move into the house Darby has inherited. The only problem -- tiny demons who live in the bricked-up fireplace in the basement:

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is scheduled for a theatrical remake in 2011, according to IMDb.

And now is as a good a time as ever for this story... Don't Be Afraid of the Dark really freaked out my sister. As with any good older brother with a mind toward torturing his younger sister (whom he adored and would have killed anyone else for doing the same things to her), I locked the information away for later use. A long time later (perhaps as much as two years), I took advantage of said info. She was in the bathroom and I took my trusty cassette recorder, pre-wound a tape by a good ten minutes, and then recorded myself whispering "Barbara... we want you... we want you, Barbara... We want you! We want you! We want you!" about a dozen times. I rewound the tape, hid the player under her bed and pressed 'Play.' She came out of the bathroom and went into her bedroom, closing the door. Ten minutes later, I was rewarded with her bursting from her room screaming in terror as I laughed my ass off. And I must take this opportunity to officially apologize to her. I know she forgave me a long time ago, but still...

Anyway, there were two other great Horror Movies of the Week.

1974's Bad Ronald starring Scott Jacoby as a delusional boy living the walls of a house:

And perhaps most infamous of all, 1975's Trilogy of Terror, starring Karen Black as three different characters in three short horror stories from Matheson. And the one everyone remembers (another MOTW that scared the hell out of my sister) concerns a certain 'Zuni Fetish Warrior Doll' that comes to life and terrorizes Black in her apartment. Oh, so creepy:

I never understood why she just didn't get out of that apartment, instead of opening the stupid oven door.

I have vague memories about a few others that were at least a little scary. How about you? Do you have a favorite ABC Movie of the Week Horror movie?

Samhaim draws nigh... More terrors, anon.
Prospero

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