Farewell, Wisteria Lane

Yes, I admit it - I was hooked on ABC's kitschy, catty, crazy soap "Desperate Housewives" from the beginning. Outrageous, salacious and even downright ridiculous, the one thing DH never was, was boring. And while my suburban neighborhood was not quite as involved in one another's lives as the women who lived on the fictional Wisteria Lane, watching the machinations that went on there was a guilty pleasure that helped round out the weekend on an almost always amusing note. Whether it was Susan's wacky attempts to woo plumber Mike Delfino; Lynette's exasperation with her brood of trouble-making kids; Bree's attempts to remain dignified in the most humiliating of situations or Gabby's torrid affair with her hot young gardener, the ladies (and gents) of Wisteria Lane were always entertaining. If you've never seen "Desperate Housewives,"then nothing I've just written will make a lick of sense to you. But the show's many fans understand.

This past Sunday saw the show's 2-hour Series Finale in which all loose ends were tied up. Bree's murder trial ended with a surprise confession from the dying Karen; Lynette finally reunited with Tom; Renee married Ben and Julie gave birth to a healthy baby girl. It was a fit and fair end to an 8 year run to a show that knew when to bow out before it had out-stayed it's welcome. 

In those 8 years, the show had a huge list of guest performers, including Alfre Woodard; Dana Delaney; Neal McDonough; Roger Bart; Brian Austin Greene; Gale Harold; John Slattery; Nathan Fillion; Bob Gunton; Valerie Mahaffrey; Polly Bergen; Dixie Carter; Lily Tomlin; Mindy Sterling; Gary Cole; Jeff Bridges; Laurie Metcalf; Lainie Kazan; Julie Benz; Justine Bateman; Miguel Ferrer; John Barrowman; Alec Mapa; Joely Fisher; Shirley Knight; John Schnieder; Ernie Hudson, Sharon Lawrence; Kathryn Harrold; Adrian Pasdar; Eddie McClintock; Paul Dooley; Bob Newhart; Frances Conroy; Larry Hagman; Joyce Van Patten and Chloe Moretz, to name a few. That list sounds like the cast of an Irwin Allen 70's disaster movie...

And don't get me started on Nicolette Sheridan's ridiculous lawsuit. "Housewives" creator Mark Cherry very generously donated a "Desperate Housewives" package to the JTMF 5th Anniversary silent auction. It included an autographed cast photo and a signed copy of the pilot's script, among other goodies. Cherry (who had a cameo as a mover in the final ep) doesn't strike me as someone who would strike anyone, let a woman. 

So, thanks "Desperate Housewives," for all the campy, soapy and ridiculous outrageousness you've provided over the last eight years. I won't exactly miss you (unlike how I'll miss "Fringe" when it ends next year), but I enjoyed you while you ran.

In case you missed it, here's a compilation of some of the show's best mayhem:

More, anon.
Prospero

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Dork Shadows

The Late Jonathan Frid as Barnabas Collins

When I first heard that Tim Burton was making a Dark Shadows movie, I hoped he would remain true to the campy soap's themes - dark, grim and unintentionally funny. Sadly, he seems to have gone in the opposite direction by casting his go-to actor Johnny Depp in a deliberately comedic version of the story.

Like many folks my age, I would rush home from school to catch the decidedly weird soap about the cursed Collins clan (told you I love alliteration) and the patriarchal vampire Barnabas.

The ABC soap (which ran from 1966 to 1971) was populated with vampires, werewolves and witches before Stephanie Meyer was even born. It featured an alternate universe long before "Lost" or "Fringe" and held true to the Gothic atmosphere created by Hammer in the late 60's. It was literally groundbreaking for daytime soap-operas, which had been until then populated with torrid romances and hospital dramas. It's like wouldn't be seen again until NBC's "Passions" which ran from 1999 to 2007.

Today, it was announced that Canadian actor Jonathan Frid (the original Barnabas) passed away at the ripe old age of 87.  Frid has a cameo in Burton's film. I can't help but wonder if seeing the trailer for Burton's film was the final nail in his coffin. See the travesty for yourselves, if you already haven't:

Ugh! Like many fans of the original series, I will not be seeing this film. It seems to me that Burton and Depp have spent far too much time in Wonderland and the Chocolate Factory. Call me when someone makes a serious "Dark Shadows" film. 

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Gayest Thing on CBS Says 'Goodbye'

I haven't really followed Daytime Soaps since the 80's and the whole Luke and Laura thing on General Hospital. I remember watching their wedding with hundreds of other students in the TSC Student Center. We were all hooked.

Over the years, daytime soaps have often provided an important outlet for social issues. In fact, daytime TV tackled gay relationships (you should excuse the pun) long before Primetime ever did.

Recently, CBS announced the the cancellation, after 54 years (!), of their daytime serial As the World Turns, one of the first network shows to feature a gay couple, Luke (Van Hansis) and Noah (Jake Silberman). The characters' groundbreaking relationship barely caused a blip on the show's audience's radar. But God forbid that a sane, loving gay relationship should be portrayed on Prime Time TV. What would Middle America think?

Hmmm... Maybe they'd think "Oh, I get it. these guys really love each other. That's not so awful."

I have to ask myself why the networks have this double standard of sorts. It's OK if home-bound housewives see that homosexuality is normal and rational, but not their husbands and children who watch after 8 PM? That makes no sense at all.

Yes, it's sad that so many actors, writers and technicians will be left without jobs. Sadder still is the fact that there is one less TV show that depicts a loving gay relationship is disappearing from the airwaves. I know - it's simple economics. The daytime soap is a dinosaur. More money can be made from sleazy talk shows, pseudo-courtroom antics and blithering idiots in cheap Halloween costumes vying for prizes on which they can't afford the taxes. Still, it's a shame that a loving, honest relationship between two consenting same-sex adults can be shown between 10 AM and 3 PM, but not between 8 and 10 PM (except on exploitative cable soaps). No - Primetime audiences are still led to believe that gay people are only good enough to be portrayed comedic foils or evening soap villains.

And what about all the gay executives, writers, producers and actors who still find itnecessary to hide the truth about themselves? Sadly, they will continue to do so for fear that coming out will ruin their careers. This is the 21st Century, for God's sake. Weren't we all supposed to be enlightened by now? Shame on you Primetime Network TV. Shame, shame, shame.

And just to demonstrate what I'm talking about, here's a clip from As the World Turns:

And another from TV's only Network Primetime gay show, Will and Grace:

Quite a difference, eh? Not that W&G wasn't groundbreaking in it's own right... but it still managed to promote stereotypes in an effort to garner laughs. I thought that went out with Steppin Fetchit and Amos and Andy.

Another rant over. More nonsense, anon.
Prospero

You have read this article Gay / Ramblings / Soaps / The Gayest Thing / TV with the title Soaps. You can bookmark this page URL https://tammycross.blogspot.com/2009/12/the-gayest-thing-on-cbs-says.html. Thanks!