The Most Egregious Thing You'll See This Week

I was a sophomore in High School when Annie made it's Broadway debut (look it up and do the math). The comic-strip on which the musical was based debuted in 1933 and was still in syndication when the musical first arrived on the Great White Way. It's ubiquitous anthem "Tomorrow" is one the late 20th Century's most recognizable songs and without it, we wouldn't have Sarah Jessica Parker.  The show has had two revivals, one in 1997 and another in 2012. It was made into a not terrible movie in 1982, starring a local gal with whom my mother shared 1 degree of separation, Aileen Quinn (Mom worked with Aileen's mother back in her Playground Monitor days). Carol Burnett and Tim Curry were the villains in director John Huston's fairly faithful version.

News of a new version slated to star Willa Smith arose about three years ago. Last year it was announced that Smith was out, replaced by Beasts of the Southern Wild Oscar-nominee Quvenzhané Wallis.All seemed well and good until we found out that Cameron Diaz (Bad Teacher) and Jaimie Foxx (Ray) were slated to play Miss Hannigan and the updated version of Daddy Warbucks, Benjamin Stacks (get it? -- ugh!). Okay. Fine. Maybe an update is in order. Urban orphans are certainly VERY different today from those of the Great Depression. I have no problem with making older works relevant to modern audiences. I've set both Much Ado About Nothing and Romeo and Juliet in the 20th Century. A timeless story is just that, right?

Wrong.

Look at this trailer for the 2014 Annie and tell me it doesn't make you want to pull your hair out by the roots.

UGH! It's everything I hate about the treacly original show, combined with every unoriginal thought put to paper by modern, corporate filmmakers. Directed by Will Gluck (best known for teen sex comedies like Easy A), this shameless POS is a perfect example of everything wrong with Hollywood and the U.S. film industry today. The trailer makes it clear that this movie will undoubtedly be the miserable flop that it is destined (and deserves) to be.

More, anon.

Prospero

PS - A special thanks to my friend Sally, who first shared that clip.

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A Day Late and a Dollar Short: An Oscars Post-Mortem

Nipple with a Z

I didn't get to the movies last year nearly as much as I wanted and usually do. A lot of that had to do with Mom's declining health and passing. Much of it had to do with the fact that there was very little to get excited about, this year. The only Best Picture nominee I saw was Gravity, and while it was the best movie Uncle P saw all year, that's not saying much. And honestly, I had little interest in seeing the other nominees. That's not saying they weren't excellent films, but I don't always want a life-lesson when I see a movie. I just want to be transported from reality for 90 to 120 minutes, forgetting about the problems of the real world for just a little while. Of course, the really great movies, IMHO, are the ones that can do both. Pan's Labyrinth springs to mind. I'm sure that 12 Years a Slave is a very good film. I just don't want to spend two hours watching another person suffer.

Of course, most people watching the Oscars feel the same way. It isn't about who or what wins or why. It's about the accompanying sideshow. Who wore or said or did what? What outrageous thing happened that's trending on Twitter. Travolta said what? Did Ellen just call Liza a tranny? Are Liza's nips really that huge? Did you see Kim Novak's face? Ellen ordered pizza? How wacky! 

And in what is both the funniest and saddest moment of this year's Overblown Ego-fest, Scientologist and alleged masseur molester John Travolta forever cemented his 'Oscars Fail' when he introduced Broadway star Idina Menzel as "Adele Dazeem." 

Is it any wonder poor Ms Menzel botched her performance of a song every little girl (and some big girls and boys) knows by heart after listening to the Frozen soundtrack for the 12,367th time? No pressure there, eh? Pink, however, managed to not only show up in a gorgeous red-sequined gown that was deliberately reminiscent of Dorothy's ruby slippers, but then fearlessly took on an iconic song which she managed to own! Brava!

Then there's the obsession with the celebrities' fashions. First, why didn't Lorna Luft tell her sister to wear a bra? Everyone else looked nice, I suppose. I wondered if Cate Blanchet's dress was designed by Tesla, though I thought Idina Menzel, Lupita Nyong'o and Camila Alves looked particularly stunning. Jared Leto's hair bothered some folks I know. I was just pleased that he finally acknowledged all the people living with and who have died from AIDS, unlike co-star Matthew McConaughey, who rambled on like the weirdo he appears to be. No one was surprised by Gravity grabbing all the technical awards, or by Frozen winning both awards for which it was nominated (I must admit. "Let It Go" has become a personal anthem, of late). 

Mostly, as for the past too many years, there wasn't a single surprise or upset. I didn't do a predictions post this year, but I should have. We all would have won our office pools had I done so. When the Oscars are that predictable, it's time to stop watching. 

Though there were a few things I liked:

Maybe I'm just too old and jaded to care anymore. As a life-long movie lover, that makes me kind of sad...

More, anon.

Prospero

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2014 - The Year in Sci-Fi Movies

Well, at least the year in Sci-Fi movies which have piqued my interest, anyway. There are plenty of tentpole movies coming up that have me pitching a cinematic tent, starting in no particular order with director Gareth Edwards (Monsters) reboot of Godzilla starring "Breaking Bad" star Bryan Cranston; Aaron Kickass Taylor-Johnson and the not-a-twin Elizabeth Olsen. 

Disaster maven Roland Emmerich failed miserably with his over-inflated 1998 attempt to reboot the Toho Studios franchise which started the Kaiju genre. Edwards' Monsters was quite good, though it was more of a character-study set inside a Sci-Fi story. The newly released trailer looks amazing. I didn't get to see del Toro's Kaiju movie Pacific Rim. I won't be missing Godzilla:

Andy and Lana Wachowski, who gave us The Matrix and 2012's wildly underrated Cloud Atlas, are back this year with Jupiter Ascending, a seemingly Jungian tale of a seemingly ordinary young woman who discovers she is the key to the fate of the entire Universe. Mila Kunis (Ted; "Family Guy") and a pointy-eared Channing Tatum (Magic Mike) star.

Christopher Nolan's (more on him in a moment) cinematographer Wally Pfister makes his directing debut with Transcendence, about a terminally ill A.I. scientist whose consciousness is uploaded to a mainframe and sets about to destroy life as we know it. Johnny Depp (thankfully not in a Burton or Verbinski film) stars alongside Kate Mara and Nolan favs Morgan Freeman and Cillian Murphy.

Marvel has four major films coming out this year, further cementing their dominance in the Superhero genre. Of course, Uncle P has never been a fan of Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man, so I will be skipping that movie. But I have every intention of seeing X-Men: Days of Future Past; Captain America: The Winter Soldier and the weirdest of the "Avengers"-related movies. Guardians of  the Galaxy.

Then there's the sequel to the Planets of the Apes franchise, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. The creator of Gollum and the most recent incarnation of King Kong, Andy Sirkus reprises his CGMC role as the sentient chimpanzee Caesar. Gary Oldman; Keri Russell; Judi Greer and Kody Smit-McPhee (Let Me In) co-star.

Then there's the "Found Footage" movie, Earth to Echo, about a group of boys who discover an alien in a very Spielbergian film from first-time feature director Dave Green:

Last, though hardly least, is Christopher Nolan's belated semi-annual birthday gift to me, Interstellar. Shrouded, as all of Nolan's movies are in secrecy, Featuring a huge cast of major stars, including Matthew McConhaughy; Anne Hathaway; Jessica Chastain; Michael Caine; John Lithgow; Ellen Burstyn and Matt Damon, Interstellar is about a space crew using a wormhole top traverse the galaxy.

As the Brits might say, I am chuffed for the upcoming movie year!  How about you?

More, anon.
Prospero

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Werewolves Are NOT the New Zombies

Tyler Hoechlin of MTV's "Teen Wolf"

In the pantheon of Horror archetypes,Werewolf used to rank just below Vampire. Since a little black and white horror movie in 1968, werewolves have been knocked down a peg or two. Obviously, all three are insanely popular in genre TV. MTV's "Teen Wolf" (which I gave up on last season) and SyFy's "Being Human" and their new series "Bitten" prove that. They have been less successful on the big screen, of late. I don't know anyone who actually likes the Underworld movies and don't understand why they keep getting made and Benicio Del Toro's 2010 effort to reinvigorate yet another Universal Monsters franchise (The Wolfman) failed miserably and season one of producer/director Eli Roth's "Hemlock Grove" for Netflicks was a total bore. 

Personally, I can name only two werewolf movies in the last 30 years that were actually up to snuff. The first is director Joe Dante's (Mad Max; Gremlins) almost brilliantly realized 1981 version of Gary Brandner's novel The Howling. Featuring the first real physical werewolf transformation on film (thanks to Rob Bottin) and a very funny script by John Sayles, the movie ultimately fails when Dee Wallace (as a TV reporter) has an on-camera transformation, resulting in something that looks more like an over-sized Pekingese than a vicious killer.

Of course, probably the best werewolf movie ever made is John Landis' An American Werewolf in London. Scary, funny and romantic, Landis' movie set a bar which has yet to be met.

Runners up: Neil Jordan's very dark re-telling of 'Little Red Riding Hood,' The Company of Wolves and Christoph Gans' 2001 Brotherhood of the Wolf. 

Unfortunately, despite the presence of the eye-candy that is Jason Momoa, the upcoming French-made Wolves doesn't look likely to bring the subgenre back.

Personally... Cats are way scarier (and sexier):



More, anon.
Prospero

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Retro Review: "Mama"

Jessica Chastain had a very interesting 2013. After being nominated for an Oscar for Zero Dark Thirty, she showed up looking very different as the rocker girlfriend of a man whose brother murdered his wife and kidnapped their daughters in the Guillermo del Toro produced thriller, Mama. Written by the brother and sister team of Andres and Barbara Muschietti from their original short and directed by Andres, Mama turns out to be a rather standard ghost story, despite it's promising premise, creepy effects and some of the creepiest performances by children since the original Village of the Damned.

Lucas (Nicolaj Coster-Waldau)  has spent the last five years searching for his missing twin brother Jeffrey and his nieces, Victoria and Lily. When the girls are found, feral and half-starved, Lucas and his girlfriend Annabel (Chastain) find themselves their guardians, in housing provided by the psychologist (played by Aliens Pvt. Spunkmeyer, Daniel Kash) who wants to bring the girls back to humanity. Resistant at first, Annabel soon finds herself bonding with Victoria (pretty Megan Charpentier) and eventually, even Lily (so creepily played by young Isabelle Nelisse) finds comfort in her arms. Of course, the girls were not alone all that time and they bring with them an entity they call "Mama," a vengeful spirit with a penchant for moths and over-protection. 

The scares in Mama are pretty standard, though the effects used to deliver them are pretty good, if a bit indistinct at times. And there is some very clever camera work - the scene where we see Lily playing tug-of-war with an unseen Mama as Annabel carries laundry down the hall is reminiscent of both DePalma and Polanski. Chastain once again proves her versatility as the badass rocker with hidden maternal instincts, while Coster-Waldau is fine as an obsessive man who spends 1/3 of the movie in a coma. The real treat here is watching Charpentier and Nelisse go to town. I can't imagine an actor as young as Nelisee was able to plumb the depths of weird she manages to attain and must attribute her performance to both good direction and great editing. So, so creepy.

The main problem with Mama is it's script. Filled with gaping plot holes and an ending that was both surprisingly dark and completely unsatisfying, Mama would have better been served by making a choice, instead of a compromise. And the exceptionally cheesy last moment didn't help in the least. Mama wants to be The Others. It ends up being a poor man's version of The Woman in White. Mama joins Don't Be Afraid of the Dark among del Toro's lesser projects. 

** (Two Out of Four Stars)



And here's the short that inspired the film:

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Retro Review: "We're the Millers"

I wasn't sure if I was going to post about Groundhog Day or write this review... And I did my best to come up with a way to tie the two together, but couldn't find any rational correlation between the two other than that both Groundhog Day and We're the Millers are comedies.

Michael joined me for dinner and an OnDemand movie Friday night and since we were both in the mood for some nonsense, we watched this past summer's weirdly sentimental caper comedy which turned out to be actually much funnier than the numbers said it should have been. A preposterous plot? Most certainly. Gross-outs; sex jokes; stereotypes; outrageous coincidences and Carny trash? Of course! There is nothing particularly original or unexpected about the script from Bob Fisher and Steve Faber (The Wedding Crashers) or Rawson Marshall Thurber's (Dodgeball) direction. Luckily, Thurber managed to to pull together a cast capable of pulling off this particular brand of nonsense with ease and style. 

SNl alum Jason Sudekis is Dave Clark, a slacker pot dealer who is content with his life and has his business down to a science. Jennifer Aniston (in another surprisingly good performance) is his neighbor Rose, a stripper at the end of her financial rope. When dorky neighbor Kenny (Will Poulter) involves Dave in a dispute with a bunch of thugs and street urchin Casey (Emma Roberts) he ends up with both is stash and cash stolen and owing over $40 Grand to his supplier, the innocuously named but ruthless Brad (Ed Helms). In order or make up for it Brad sends Dave to Mexico to pick up "a smidgen and half" of pot. In order to keep under the radar, Dave enlists Rose, Kenny and Casey to pretend to be an average family on an RV trip. Throughout the outrageous road trip (which includes an exceptionally funny encounter with a sexually adventurous DEA agent and his wife - hilariously played Nick Offerman and and Katherine Hahn) and a male genitals visual involving a tarantula bite that is almost as disturbing as the zipper scene in There's Something About Mary, the four forge a very unlikely bond. It's no spoiler here to say the Millers end up together as a very real (though oddly dysfunctional) family. Stupid, ridiculous and not at all for the prudish. We're the Millers is well worth the watching, especially with the right person, under the right conditions. And I must admit, this gay man isn't afraid to say that bad actress or not, Aniston is smoking hot in this movie! It was exactly the kind of nonsense I needed after the week I've had!

We're the Millers is rated 'R' for drug references, sexual situations, adult language and violence. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out Of Four Stars).

And since it is Groundhog Day, that rotten Marmota monax had better not see it's shadow this morning. I have no problem driving out to Punxatawney to wring that rodent's neck! Not one, but two snowstorms are predicted for this region in the coming week. While I have no intention of moving any time soon, retirement in Taos is looking more and more attractive.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Snow Day

Winter Storm Janus: Punishment for Christieism

I blame NJ Governor Chris Christie for Winter Storm Janus and the subsequent traffic snarl it caused yesterday afternoon, everywhere. If the fundies can blame me, then I get to blame some one, too. In truth though, the germ of the idea for this post came out of a Facebook status I posted last night, so forgive me if I'm repeating part of this. 

We all knew the storm was coming and the first tiny flakes started to fall yesterday morning just as I reached the last traffic-lighted intersection before arriving at the Day Job. At 11:00 I took my morning smoke break (yes, I know) and notice the plant across the way is closing, as cars begin to make a mass exodus from the lot. I came back to my desk to find an email from HR announcing we were closing at 1:00 (No lunch breaks, please). All well and good. The snow is light and easy to get off my car and I'm on my way by 1:12. It wouldn't be until 1:49 that I even got out of the town where the Day Job is located! The ride that normally takes 20 to 25 minutes and can sometimes take 40 to 50  minutes in bad weather, actually took me well over ninety minutes. And all because every other company along the I95 corridor closed at the same time and sent out millions of vehicles out onto snow-covered roads with hampered visibility. When I finally got home, after bitching about the weather and the traffic and the need to shovel, I sort gave in and resigned myself that this was happening and at least I'd gotten out early and would get a Snow Day out of it (an unusually high 2.5 this season). Which got me thinking about how I went from loving Snow Days as a kid to hating them as an adult. 

When Uncle P and his sister were kids, our Mom loved Snow Days, because it meant we got to stay home and she could play with us. We'd bundle up to go out and play in the snow; come in to warm up and dry out and have PB&Js and Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup and then go out for a another hour, until our faces were red and our noses runny. Then it was inside again where warm towels from the dryer waited for us wrap up in while leaning against the boiler's hot brick chimney. Then came hot cocoa and some sort of activity at the kitchen table. Colorforms; Shrinkey-Dinks; Spirograph; paint-by-numbers; coloring books and crayons; watercolors... always something creative to keep us busy until it was time for her to start making dinner in time for Dad to get home. 

Today, was not at all that kind of Snow Day. Sis's Sister-in-Law's son (say that three times, fast), who I've just started to get know and now refer to as my "Nephew-in-Law," came and shoveled me out today, and when I went to get money to pay him, he skipped. I texted him "No fair!" and he texted back "You're family!" Of course, when he helped me this past Monday to put the new battery in the car I'm trying to sell, I stuck a twenty in his pocket when his hands were busy and he had no choice. I'm going to make him some cookies or brownies or something. He's a good kid and I am appreciate my BIL and his family's (especially his sister and her son) kindness more and more, all the time. So, while I could have done any number of things today, including cleaning; painting; inventorying and purging the chest freezer (among others), I instead hibernated until after 10:30 and then vegged out on a "Tattoo Nightmares" marathon on Spike. And while I have 4 episodes of "Dracula" on my DVR, I'm not sure if I'm really willing to continue with the slow-moving plot that seems to have bogged it down the last few episodes I did see. 

So after dinner (the last of the chicken and hush puppies from Sunday) it was off to Netflix and the film version of a story I first read online: John Dies at the End. David Wong's online novel about time-travel; metaphysics; alternate universes; demons; mystical drugs and artificial intelligence (among other things) is transformed into a just-as-weird film by co-writer, director Don Coscarelli, creator of the equally weird Phantasm series. But this is also Coscarelli's homage to other genre directors with nods to Carpenter; Cronenberg and Raimi as told by Lovecraft. Produced by and co-starring Paul Giamatti, Coscarelli and David Wong worked on a script that both managed to connect some of the missing dots in Wong's novella, while maintaining its gonzo sensibilities. Add cuties Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes as leads Dave and John; genre fave Clancy Brown as a charismatic preacher/exorcist (he's so powerful, he can expel a demon over the phone); the often-used but rarely seen Doug Jones (Pan's Labyrinth; Hellboy); a cameo from Angus Scrimm (Phantasm's 'Tall Man') and loads of physical gross-outs and FX (plus an animated sequence that is both gross and hilarious) and you end up with a strange and often hilarious horror movie with two characters who deserve a sequel. *** (Three Out of Four Stars).

So, that was my Snow Day - some nostalgia; sleeping in; bad tattoos and a fun, weird horror movie I've been wanting to see that turned out to be actually pretty good. I may be too old for sledding and snow-forts, but you're never too old to appreciate a lazy day and then ramble on about it like anyone else really cares. 

Did you have a Snow Day today? What did you do or not do, today?

More, anon.
Prospero

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"Finding Mr. Banks" Is a Lie

P.L. Travers

Disney's latest live-action film is Saving Mr. Banks, supposedly based on the story of how Walt Disney convinced author P.L.Travers to let him turn "Mary Poppins" into a movie.

Travers, an Australian born failed actress, went on to later gain fame as a poet and novelist. Her own banker father died young of alcoholism and she was later raised by the stern and loving nanny who inspired "Mary Poppins." Rumored to be a lesbian and adopting a son (based on an Astrologer's advice) as a single woman in the 1940's, Travers was an early 20th Century pioneer with a rather mercurial personality, prone to moodiness and not particularly fond of children, who later wrote erotica.  But it was the six Poppins novels that brought her the most acclaim.

Travers apparently hated Disney's version of her first novel, even after he convinced her to allow it to be made into a film. 

Sometime in the early 70's, Mom surprised my sister and I by taking us to a matinee of  revival screening of Mary Poppins. After it was over, my poor little sister (who was maybe 5 or 6 at the time) cried hysterically because Mary left the Banks' house. We tried to explain to her that other children needed her help, but she would have none of it.

Recently the BBC made an extraordinary short documentary about Travers and Disney, which exposes much of what the recent film washes over. If you have an hour, I highly recommend the documentary below:

Mary Poppins made an international star out of Julie Andrews (who won her first Oscar for the role) and eventually became one of Disney's most popular films. In fact, I was particularly thrilled by the fountain in the newest part of the Grand Floridian Hotel in Walt Disney World.

The Grand Floridian Hotel Lobby

While my sister may very well be a self-described "Disney Dork," and I truly enjoyed seeing how the various hotels at the Disney World resort were decorated for the holidays, I somehow completely understand how Travers objected to Disney's 'Disneyfication" of her stories.

I understand her objections, especially given my own proclivity for the darker side of life... But I have to admit that the Disney film had a major influence on my own movie experience. I was just 2 when the movie was first released and probably 6 before I saw it for the first time. 

Despite what Travers intended and objected to, millions of children look to Mary Poppins as a peek into early 20th Century British life. Regardless of what Travers thought, both she and Disney made millions off the movie. As much as she may have objected to the movie itself, Travers' children's novels took off because of the film. Travers established a charity using the money she made, but never established a real relationship with her adopted son or his children. 

More, anon.
Prospero

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