Lizzie Borden Took an Axe...

Lizzie Andrew Borden

On June 20th, 1892 in Fall River, MA, Lizzie Andrew Borden was found Not Guilty in the brutal axe murders of her father and step-mother. After the trial, Lizzie took the name 'Lizbeth' and she and her sister Emma moved to new home in the pricier section of Fall River. After a falling out over a party Lizbeth threw for the actress Nance O'Neil, Emma moved out the house known as 'Maplecroft.'

No one else was ever accused of murdering Borden's father and her step-mother, though many theories were later presented. And rumors persist that Lizzie killed her parents after they discovered she was in the throes of a lesbian affair with O'Neil. After over 100 years, no one knows for sure who actually hacked Andrew and Abby to death, 

When Uncle P was a child, I knew the silly rhyme:

Lizzie Borden took an axe

And gave her mother forty whacks.

When she saw what she had done

She gave her father forty-one.

Andrew was actually struck 10 or 11 times, while Abby took 19 blows to the head. The crime and subsequent trial was quite sensational and they inspired the rhyme above. It also inspired a 1975 ABC Movie of the Week, The Legend of Lizzie Borden starring Elizabeth "Bewitched" Montgomery; Fritz Weaver; Fionnula Flanagan (The Others; "Lost") and Katherine Helmond (Brazil). The movie posited that Lizzie had actually committed the murders and had gotten away with it. I remember being both fascinated and horrified that the sweet, gorgeous Montgomery could play such a role.

Now comes word (via) that indie darling (and former Wednesday Addams) Christina Ricci will be playing Borden in an upcoming Lifetime TV movie. While probably a better physical fit for the character, I have to wonder if Ricci will be able to bring the same depth to the role as Montgomery, who was nominated for an Emmy for her performance. I remember everyone being shocked at the time by Montgomery's performance back in the day. I hope that Ricci can still still shock audiences 30 years later in a 110 year old story. Regardless, this may well be a Lifetime movie that Uncle P can actually sit through without groaning.

I tried to find a video of the trailer (or at least some of the ABC movie) online, but was unsuccessful. Instead, here's a clip of Montgomery on the Mike Douglas show in 1966:

I hope the upcoming movie sheds some new light (or at least visits some other theories) on the Borden murders. And I hope Ricci can come close to Montgomery's performance in the new film. Either way, I'll be watching.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Redefining "Train Wreck"

LiLo as Elizabeth Taylor

I don't honestly don't understand the fascination with the downward spiral that is Lindsay Lohan's career. The Disney princess who fell from grace, Lohan showed promise as an adorable moppet in the remake of The Parent Trap and actual talent in Tina Fey's Mean Girls. Then, something awful happened. 

The product of two completely dysfunctional parents and a group of toadying sycophants who don't know how to say "No," Lohan has been reduced to a sad pop culture joke, which even she doesn't get.

Multiple arrests for drug and alcohol offenses; several traffic accidents; a failed lesbian relationship; a shoplifting scandal; a very public fight with her mother; a father who behaves like a child and her most recent arrest for a brawl in a New York nightclub are all signs of someone in desperate need of an intervention.

This past Sunday, Lifetime aired Liz and Dick, starring Lohan as the iconic Elizabeth Taylor. Universally panned and reduced to a drinking game, the TV movie may well be the nadir of Lohan's film career (though I Know Who Killed Me comes in at a close second). Not that anyone really expected a Lifetime movie to be good... 

Of course, Lindsay has yet another film on the horizon, The Canyons. Written by hack novelist Bret Easton Ellis; directed by Paul Schrader (Cat People) and co-starring porn star James Deen, The Canyons is supposedly a thriller set among life in modern L.A. The trailers have been nothing short of ridiculous, much like Lohan's life of late.

It seems to me, what Lohan really needs is someone to hold her hand and guide her away from all the negative influences in her life, including her ne'er-do-well parents. Fame is as dangerous and addictive a drug as meth or heroine and despite the many slaps in the face Lohan has had of late, I must admit that I won't be surprised when her premature death is announced in the next few months. What a sad waste of a life which showed so much early promise. A truly beautiful young woman with so much potential shouldn't end up as a comical footnote in Hollywood history.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Zombie Double Rainbow

So, regular readers already know that Uncle P is a "Gleek." And while this past Sunday's post-Superbowl episode may not have been the best ever, it sure ranked among this season's best so far.

The taunting and Slushie-dumping has gone too far, so Mr. Schuester (Matthew Morrison) and Coach Beiste (Dot Jones) join forces, making the dissenting members of the football team join Glee Club for at least a week to participate in the Championship game's half-time show. Of course the football players, led by the closeted Dave Karofsky (Max Adler) rebel at first, thinking Glee Club is "gay." Meanwhile, Cheerios' coach and series villain Sue Sylvester (the always brilliant and hilarious Jane Lynch) hatches a plan to shoot poor, dimwitted Brittany (Heather Morris) out of circus canon during the Cheerleading Championship.

In the end (Spoiler Alert) the jocks relent, proving the joy of performing far outweighs the price of winning. Brittany, Santana and Quinn abandon Sue for Glee; Rachel, Mercedes and Tina take one for the team and Sue is left fuming over events completely (for once) out of her control. It was nice to see the good guys win for a change, though to be honest, in the real world Sue Sylvester would have been fired ages ago. And there was the extra-special schadenfreude of Sue getting a back tattoo of herself with her name misspelled. "It's Slyvester, right?"

Meanwhile, over at the private boys' school, Kurt and his adorable crush Blaine (Darren Criss) chime in with a completely unrelated cover of "Bills, Bills, Bills," which only went to show that Ryan Murphy and company still have a few surprises up their sleeves.

Of course, "Glee" is hardly representative of the "real world." In my high school, the football team participated in the musical (they were the Seabees in South Pacific my senior year) and I can remember the Captain of the football team (my understudy as Emile) telling me he was terrified at the prospect of going on in my place. 

The 70's were a weird time and while I can't imagine a conversation like that taking place today, I certainly hope that modern high school jocks and performers have the same kind of respect for one another. And I look forward to the day when Murphy allows Karofsky to acknowledge his sexuality in a healthy and supportive way. Until then, I'll continue to enjoy "Glee" for what it is: the first ever successful musical TV series.

More, anon.

Prospero

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Vatos

Warning to fans of "The Walking Dead"  - Major Spoilers Ahead!

So, the fourth episode of "The Walking Dead" has aired and the inevitable finally happened; the death of humans at the hands of the walkers. But more on that in a moment.

When we last saw Rick, he; Glenn; TDog and Daryl had gone back to Atlanta to rescue Merle and retrieve the bag of guns Rick lost at the end of episode one, only to find that Merle had escaped his handcuffs by sawing his hand off and Shane had beaten the crap out of Ed the wife beater.

"Vatos" opened with sisters Andrea and Amy (Frozen's Emma Bell) fishing in the quarry, reminiscing about their father and the different fishing techniques he had taught them. The scene served to emphasize that despite their age difference, the sisters were still close. It also brought up feelings about loved ones lost to whatever it was that caused the dead to walk, as Amy expressed hope that whatever had happened might not have been as bad in Florida, where their parents presumably lived. In Alanta, Glenn hatches a plan wherein he and Daryl attempt to rescue the guns, only to be foiled when Daryl is set upon by a young punk., who calls out for hlep in Spanish. A car quickly pulls up and a gang of Latinos nab Glenn and take off, but not before Daryl gets to shoot an arrow in one of their asses.

Back at camp, Dale becomes worried when he finds Jim (Andrew Rothenberg) furiously digging holes in the 100 degree heat. Shane eventually overpowers Jim, who admits he may have suffered heatstroke, but is digging the holes because of a half-remembered dream. Andrea and Amy return with loads of fish and the group plans an old-fashioned fish-fry for dinner. In the city, Rick and company have forced the punk to take them to the gang's headquarters, where they soon discover the gang is simply a group of people caring for folks who were left trapped in a nursing home, afraid that Rick and his band were there to take food and medicine away from them. Rick leaves them weapons and ammo, and as the four return to camp, they discover that Merle has stolen their van.

At dinner, Andrea is concerned because she can't find wrapping paper for the necklace she took from the department store for Amy's birthday, while a bruised and pained Ed refuses to join in for dinner, choosing instead to wallow in his own misery in his tent. As dinner is ending, Amy gets up to pee. Ed finds himself annoyed that someone is still bothering him, only to discover that the figure lurking outside his tent is one of about two dozen walkers who have made their way to the camp. The walker attacks, taking Ed down without time for him to scream in warning. As Amy exits the camper, complaining about the lack of toilet paper, she is grabbed and bitten, much to Andrea's horror. Rick and the others arrive on foot, just in time to take out the walkers, rescuing everyone who hasn't already been bitten (which, by my count was three).

As Amy dies in her sobbing sister's arms, we slowly come to realize that Amy will soon rise, and we are left to wonder how the group will deal with her and the other victims, just as Jim remembers why he was digging the holes.

"Vatos" was the series' most intense episode since the pilot, and served as a stark reminder of just what is at stake in a world where the dead eat the living. The tragedy of Amy's death and the sad nursing home survivors only made it more excruciating for the the survivors (though I can't say I was exactly sad to see Ed go). As gang leader Guillermo (Neil Brown, Jr.) says, nothing has really changed... "The weak get taken."

So what is next for the survivors? They know now that they are no longer safe in the mountains as the food supply in the city dwindles and the walkers set out in search of sustenance. Do they go back into town to the relative safety of the fortified nursing home, or head out in search of even more isolated areas where they are less likely to encounter the walkers? Uncle P, for one, is frustrated that only 2 episodes remain and I will chomping at the bit by the time the new season rolls around next fall. AMC has done what every other network has been looking to do - they've found the next "Lost," damn them!

Oh, and the lovely young lady pictured at the top of this post? She's a walker found wandering the department store upon whose roof Merle had been chained. I laughed, because she isn't really all that dangerous, considering she has no lower jaw... but I still would have taken her out. I'm guessing you would have, as well.

More, anon.

Prospero

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TV Review: "The Event"

NBC's last big fantasy series "Heroes" crashed and burned in two seasons, while languishing on for two more. ABC's last big fantasy series "Lost" ran for a strong, well-planned six seasons, culminating in a derisive, but mostly satisfying finale. Lusting after the same kind of success, NBC's latest entry in the genre is "The Event," a show they promoted ad nauseum all summer long.

"What is 'The Event?'" the promos asked, over and over again. And I must admit, my curiosity was piqued. And now that I've seen the first two episodes, I can honestly say... "Meh."

"The Event" has a likable and (mostly) attractive enough cast: Jason Ritter (son of the late John, most recently seen on "Parenthood"); Blair Underwood ("Dirty Sexy Money;" "The New Adventures of Old Christine"); Laura Innes ("E.R."); Scott Patterson ("The Gilmore Girls") and "Heroes" and "Damages" alum Zeljko Ivanek are joined by a bunch of folks you've seen a million times, including hotties Wes Ramsey and Ian Anthony Dale.

So far, the plot concerns a vast conspiracy dating back to the 1940's when a group of aliens apparently crash-landed in the Alaskan mountains, where the majority of them have since been held in a top-secret facility. Led by the mysterious Sophia (Innes), the aliens are keeping a secret which will apparently have a major impact on the world. Meanwhile, lovers Sean (Ritter) and Leila (Sarah Roemer) have been separated while on a cruise. Leila's father Michael (Patterson) is a pilot who is forced (it's a long story) to fly a plane into the Presidential Compound in Miami, where President Elias Martinez (Underwood) is about to hold a press conference revealing the presence of the ETs. The ETs magically transport the plane to the Arizona desert at the last minute. Sean, aboard the plane in an attempt to stop his future father-in-law from killing the Prez is the only survivor to escape, only to be arrested for the murder of Greg (Dale), a guy he and Leila met while on the cruise. Greg's girlfriend Vicky (Taylor Cole) is not who she presents herself to be and everyone is completely confused by what's going on. 

Two episodes in and we already have more answers than "Lost" gave us in it's first season, but the time-jumping plot already seems threadworn and annoying. I really want to like "The Event" (especially thanks to its charismatic cast) and I hope it gets better as it goes along, though I don't hold much hope for it reaching whatever conclusion the writers have in mind. An especially icky moment where an alien in CIA disguise removes a fake vein from his arm was most effective in episode 2, but I somehow want more conspiracy and less boring character background -- the scene in which Sean and Leila meet, 5 years before the events of "The Event," seemed particularly contrived and silly, especially since it had absolutely nothing to do with what is happening in the story's present timeline. Kudos, though, to the inclusion of Tony "Candyman" Todd as General Whitman in Episode 1 Let's hope the writers of "The Event" are smart enough to keep us interested throughout whatever it is they have planned for us. I really like this cast and hope they have a long-enough run to make my attention worthwhile. **1/2 (Two and a Half Stars Out of Four).

And on a side note: RIP Arthur Penn, director of Bonnie and Clyde, among other iconic works. That's 2 out of 3...

More, anon.
Prospero

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I Know You Are, But What Am I?

25 years ago, a hilariously insane man-child met a (then) wunderkind director and together they created an 80's movie to which I connect far more than any John Hughes bagatelle (with one exception - and more on that, later), Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.

I was in probably still in high school when I discovered Paul Reubens' alter-ego, first as a bizarre stand-up comedian (in the late 70's and early 80's, there was no other kind) and then as part of his own HBO special : "Pee-Wee Herman: The Boy Who Wished He Could Fly," which featured Reubens' fellow Groundlings Phil Hartman, Edie McClurg and Laurence "Larry" Fishbourne.

"I know just what I'm going to do with these, first!" *

My sister and I immediately embraced Reubens' fascination with childhood silliness and adult-worthy nonsense for the sake of nonsense. It was probably in the late 70's, as part of an HBO "Young Comedians" that really sent us over the top. Pee-Wee was very much a prop comic (no, not like the bizarre and roided-up Carrottop) and his use of a 'hypnotic' hand puppet sent us into gales of hysterical laughter.

One of Reubens' earliest TV appearances was on the infamous Chuck Barris' " The Gong Show" as part of the singing duo "Suave and Debonair:"

Obviously, this was the origin of the "Big Shoe Dance:"

But Big Adventure includes so many iconic moments, that a single post couldn't mention them all without posting almost the entire movie. But here are a few:

"Oh really? Where are they hosin' him down?"

God, I love Jan Hooks. I actually went to the Alamo and asked the guide to see the basement. Her exceptionally sarcastic response: "Ha-ha! I've never been asked that before!" My response? "Can you say that with me? A-doh-bee." They almost threw me out.

"I've seen better heads on boils!"

And more than I can even recount: the Breakfast Machine; "I meant to do that;" the phone call to Dottie; the palm-reader; the road signs on wheels; the studio chase scene; Dee Snyder; Godzilla and Mothra; James Brolin and Morgan Fairchild; "Everyone's got a big but...;" the Evil Clown surgeons; "Merci blah-blah.." etc., etc., etc. Almost every set-piece and almost every single line is sublimely silly perfection.

I'll save "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" and Reubens' fall from grace for another post. But I will tell you that after a successful Los Angeles run, Paul Reubens is bringing his new Pee-Wee show to Broadway this fall, and I have every intention of seeing it.

*Jambi the Genie on receipt of his new hands.

Mecca-Lecca-Hi-Mecca-Hienie-Ho!

More, anon.
Prospero

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Forgotten Gems: "The Point"

Wow... long time since I've done one of these, eh? Every so often, something from my youth rears its head in unexpected ways and places. And I'll tell you how this post came a bout, in a bit.

I know I saw the delightful animated film The Point when it first aired in 1971 on (I believe) ABC, though if you know better, please let correct me. The original airing was narrated by Dustin Hoffman, who also voiced the father. Subsequent airings had different Narrator/Fathers, including Harry Nilsson and Alan Thicke. Ringo Starr narrates the version currently available on DVD.

I was not yet an adolescent when The Point tried to make me understand that being different was okay; that there will always be those who love us, unconditionally and that each of us has purpose in life.

Oblio (Mike Lookinland -- Bobby on "The Brady Bunch")* is a round-headed boy born in a land of pointy-headed people. After a misunderstanding, Oblio is banished to the Pointless Forest, where he and his faithful dog Arrow encounter all sorts of beings in all different shapes and sizes and learning exactly what 'The Point' is. Oh, how I loved this movie...



The animation is very much a product of its time, though director Fred Wolf does a terrific job with the Norm Lenzer's script, based on an original story by the film's songwriter, Harry Nilsson. The movie generated two minor hits for Nilsson: "Me and My Arrow" (which later went on to be the theme for a car commercial) and "Are You Sleeping?" Both songs are pure 70's "Love, Peace, Flowers, Beads, Happiness," but I always associate them with this sweet little movie's oh-so-positive message.





Were we really that innocent 40 years ago? Of course, they were saying the same thing in the 70's about the 30's and in the 80's about the 40's, etc. It doesn't matter, I suppose. We were all innocent, once. Real life changes that... and that's kind of sad, actually.

I was visiting my usual cyber-haunts when I found a silly cartoon on Jonco's Bits and Pieces, which immediately brought The Point to mind, and a wave of nostalgia passed over me. Uncle P suddenly found himself transported back to his youth in The Time of the Hippies. I was 10 years-old and had no idea why a shirtless Speed Racer made my heart race, why Batman and Robin were so appealing or why I already felt "different." I just did. The Point is one of those great little movies every kid should see, if only so they can learn that being different isn't such a terrible thing at all.

So what brought this on? A stupid panel cartoon I saw on another blog that was captioned: "Triangles and Squares know that Circles are pointless." How could that not have gone right to "The Point?"

*Remind me to tell you about my friend Jon and 'The Brady Bunch Game,' some time. It's a little sick (okay - a lot sick), but pretty damned hilarious. And there's a hilarious cemetery story to share about him, too. Hmm.... I sense a JLG post in the fairly near future. I'll be seeing him on my birthday at Coney Island, for the first time in 27 or 28 years. Yikes!

More, anon.

Prospero

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The Gayest (and Least Talented) Things You'll See This Week

That's gay director Gregg Araki, who just won the first ever Queer Palm award at Cannes for his latest film Kaboom, which is apparently a Sci-Fi Comedy about sexual awakening. Of course, only Araki would make a Sci-Fi Comedy about sexual awakening. Araki, whose previous films include The Living End; Totally F**ked Up and the beautiful Mysterious Skin has never been one to shy away from controversial topics. In his first film as director, The Living End, a hustler and his new-found lover go on an anarchistic spree of violence and sexual terrorism. In Mysterious Skin, a young man (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and a hustler explore their pasts, which happens to involve (among other things) alien abduction.

Kaboom stars Thomas Dekker ("Heroes;" A Nightmare on Elm Street) in lust with his surfer dude roommate (Andy Fischer-Price). There is no American release date, as yet, though I imagine an award at Cannes will change that, rather quickly. If you are unfamiliar with, but interested in seeing Araki's films, I suggest you do so one at a time, with plenty of time in-between to digest them. Some critics have described him as "The Queer David Lynch." And while there are certain surrealist moments in his films that may well evoke Lynch, Araki's personal stamp is all over ever one of his movies. Below is a clip from Kaboom:

Moving from Film to Television, here is yet another reason to love "Glee." For those not in the know, Kurt (Chis Colfer) is a gay high-schooler whose father (Mike O'Malley) is working very hard to accept his son's sexual orientation. Dad has moved his new girlfriend into their home. New girlfriend just happens to be the mother of Kurt's object of affection, football star Finn (Corey Monteith). When Finn is forced to live with Kurt, tension ensues, but Kurt's enlightened blue-collar dad steps in. I have yet to watch this week's Lady Gaga-centric episode (it's DVR'ed), but just seeing this scene was enough to make me cry (via):



Finally, as part of a post on Kindertrauma, blogger Uncle Lancifer included this clip with his review of the repulsive horror movie Human Centipede. It proves that not every member of a musical dynasty actually has talent. Please enjoy (?) Rebbie Jackson's "Centipede:"



I don't know what would be worse; sitting through a screening of Human Centipede or sitting through a Rebbie Jackson concert. Rebbie may actually be the only black woman without any sense of rhythm whatsoever.

More nonsense, anon.
Prospero

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