"Penny Dreadful" is NOT a Drag Queen

Photo via EW.com

I guess I lied. Or rather, changed my mind. I'll talk about upcoming Sci-Fi movies soon, though. I promise.

And I while know I have talked a little bit about "Penny Dreadful," a new trailer has recently been released, distracting me once again with it's style and tone and very interesting (if not exactly original) concept, as well as a rather fascinating cast.

A little background...

In 1999, graphic novelist Alan Moore ("Watchmen") created "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen," in which several Victorian-era literary characters (Mina Harker, Captain Nemo, Alan Quatermain and others) work together for British Intelligence to 'Protect the Empire.' The series was turned into an infamously terrible movie with Sean Connery, Stuart Townsend and Shane West.

Building on that concept, while adding a decidedly dark supernatural element, Showtime's up-coming series "Penny Dreadful" takes that central premise and goes "American Horror Story" on it. Josh Hartnett (wasn't he supposed to be a 'Next Big Thing' once upon a time?); former James Bond Timothy Dalton; Eva Green and Broadway's Spider-Man, Reeve Carney head up the cast of this creepy, spooky, sexy series created by John Logan (screenwriter of Skyfall; Hugo and Gladiator).

My current favorite cable drama, "Shameless," is also on Showtime and will end it's (exceptionally gut-wrenching and hilarious) season soon. I can only imagine how much I'm going to love their steroid-infused version of TLEG via AHS.




I'm very pleased to see genre TV having such a renaissance. 

More, anon.
Prospero

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Werewolves Are NOT the New Zombies

Tyler Hoechlin of MTV's "Teen Wolf"

In the pantheon of Horror archetypes,Werewolf used to rank just below Vampire. Since a little black and white horror movie in 1968, werewolves have been knocked down a peg or two. Obviously, all three are insanely popular in genre TV. MTV's "Teen Wolf" (which I gave up on last season) and SyFy's "Being Human" and their new series "Bitten" prove that. They have been less successful on the big screen, of late. I don't know anyone who actually likes the Underworld movies and don't understand why they keep getting made and Benicio Del Toro's 2010 effort to reinvigorate yet another Universal Monsters franchise (The Wolfman) failed miserably and season one of producer/director Eli Roth's "Hemlock Grove" for Netflicks was a total bore. 

Personally, I can name only two werewolf movies in the last 30 years that were actually up to snuff. The first is director Joe Dante's (Mad Max; Gremlins) almost brilliantly realized 1981 version of Gary Brandner's novel The Howling. Featuring the first real physical werewolf transformation on film (thanks to Rob Bottin) and a very funny script by John Sayles, the movie ultimately fails when Dee Wallace (as a TV reporter) has an on-camera transformation, resulting in something that looks more like an over-sized Pekingese than a vicious killer.

Of course, probably the best werewolf movie ever made is John Landis' An American Werewolf in London. Scary, funny and romantic, Landis' movie set a bar which has yet to be met.

Runners up: Neil Jordan's very dark re-telling of 'Little Red Riding Hood,' The Company of Wolves and Christoph Gans' 2001 Brotherhood of the Wolf. 

Unfortunately, despite the presence of the eye-candy that is Jason Momoa, the upcoming French-made Wolves doesn't look likely to bring the subgenre back.

Personally... Cats are way scarier (and sexier):



More, anon.
Prospero

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Retro Review: "Mama"

Jessica Chastain had a very interesting 2013. After being nominated for an Oscar for Zero Dark Thirty, she showed up looking very different as the rocker girlfriend of a man whose brother murdered his wife and kidnapped their daughters in the Guillermo del Toro produced thriller, Mama. Written by the brother and sister team of Andres and Barbara Muschietti from their original short and directed by Andres, Mama turns out to be a rather standard ghost story, despite it's promising premise, creepy effects and some of the creepiest performances by children since the original Village of the Damned.

Lucas (Nicolaj Coster-Waldau)  has spent the last five years searching for his missing twin brother Jeffrey and his nieces, Victoria and Lily. When the girls are found, feral and half-starved, Lucas and his girlfriend Annabel (Chastain) find themselves their guardians, in housing provided by the psychologist (played by Aliens Pvt. Spunkmeyer, Daniel Kash) who wants to bring the girls back to humanity. Resistant at first, Annabel soon finds herself bonding with Victoria (pretty Megan Charpentier) and eventually, even Lily (so creepily played by young Isabelle Nelisse) finds comfort in her arms. Of course, the girls were not alone all that time and they bring with them an entity they call "Mama," a vengeful spirit with a penchant for moths and over-protection. 

The scares in Mama are pretty standard, though the effects used to deliver them are pretty good, if a bit indistinct at times. And there is some very clever camera work - the scene where we see Lily playing tug-of-war with an unseen Mama as Annabel carries laundry down the hall is reminiscent of both DePalma and Polanski. Chastain once again proves her versatility as the badass rocker with hidden maternal instincts, while Coster-Waldau is fine as an obsessive man who spends 1/3 of the movie in a coma. The real treat here is watching Charpentier and Nelisse go to town. I can't imagine an actor as young as Nelisee was able to plumb the depths of weird she manages to attain and must attribute her performance to both good direction and great editing. So, so creepy.

The main problem with Mama is it's script. Filled with gaping plot holes and an ending that was both surprisingly dark and completely unsatisfying, Mama would have better been served by making a choice, instead of a compromise. And the exceptionally cheesy last moment didn't help in the least. Mama wants to be The Others. It ends up being a poor man's version of The Woman in White. Mama joins Don't Be Afraid of the Dark among del Toro's lesser projects. 

** (Two Out of Four Stars)



And here's the short that inspired the film:

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Snow Day

Winter Storm Janus: Punishment for Christieism

I blame NJ Governor Chris Christie for Winter Storm Janus and the subsequent traffic snarl it caused yesterday afternoon, everywhere. If the fundies can blame me, then I get to blame some one, too. In truth though, the germ of the idea for this post came out of a Facebook status I posted last night, so forgive me if I'm repeating part of this. 

We all knew the storm was coming and the first tiny flakes started to fall yesterday morning just as I reached the last traffic-lighted intersection before arriving at the Day Job. At 11:00 I took my morning smoke break (yes, I know) and notice the plant across the way is closing, as cars begin to make a mass exodus from the lot. I came back to my desk to find an email from HR announcing we were closing at 1:00 (No lunch breaks, please). All well and good. The snow is light and easy to get off my car and I'm on my way by 1:12. It wouldn't be until 1:49 that I even got out of the town where the Day Job is located! The ride that normally takes 20 to 25 minutes and can sometimes take 40 to 50  minutes in bad weather, actually took me well over ninety minutes. And all because every other company along the I95 corridor closed at the same time and sent out millions of vehicles out onto snow-covered roads with hampered visibility. When I finally got home, after bitching about the weather and the traffic and the need to shovel, I sort gave in and resigned myself that this was happening and at least I'd gotten out early and would get a Snow Day out of it (an unusually high 2.5 this season). Which got me thinking about how I went from loving Snow Days as a kid to hating them as an adult. 

When Uncle P and his sister were kids, our Mom loved Snow Days, because it meant we got to stay home and she could play with us. We'd bundle up to go out and play in the snow; come in to warm up and dry out and have PB&Js and Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup and then go out for a another hour, until our faces were red and our noses runny. Then it was inside again where warm towels from the dryer waited for us wrap up in while leaning against the boiler's hot brick chimney. Then came hot cocoa and some sort of activity at the kitchen table. Colorforms; Shrinkey-Dinks; Spirograph; paint-by-numbers; coloring books and crayons; watercolors... always something creative to keep us busy until it was time for her to start making dinner in time for Dad to get home. 

Today, was not at all that kind of Snow Day. Sis's Sister-in-Law's son (say that three times, fast), who I've just started to get know and now refer to as my "Nephew-in-Law," came and shoveled me out today, and when I went to get money to pay him, he skipped. I texted him "No fair!" and he texted back "You're family!" Of course, when he helped me this past Monday to put the new battery in the car I'm trying to sell, I stuck a twenty in his pocket when his hands were busy and he had no choice. I'm going to make him some cookies or brownies or something. He's a good kid and I am appreciate my BIL and his family's (especially his sister and her son) kindness more and more, all the time. So, while I could have done any number of things today, including cleaning; painting; inventorying and purging the chest freezer (among others), I instead hibernated until after 10:30 and then vegged out on a "Tattoo Nightmares" marathon on Spike. And while I have 4 episodes of "Dracula" on my DVR, I'm not sure if I'm really willing to continue with the slow-moving plot that seems to have bogged it down the last few episodes I did see. 

So after dinner (the last of the chicken and hush puppies from Sunday) it was off to Netflix and the film version of a story I first read online: John Dies at the End. David Wong's online novel about time-travel; metaphysics; alternate universes; demons; mystical drugs and artificial intelligence (among other things) is transformed into a just-as-weird film by co-writer, director Don Coscarelli, creator of the equally weird Phantasm series. But this is also Coscarelli's homage to other genre directors with nods to Carpenter; Cronenberg and Raimi as told by Lovecraft. Produced by and co-starring Paul Giamatti, Coscarelli and David Wong worked on a script that both managed to connect some of the missing dots in Wong's novella, while maintaining its gonzo sensibilities. Add cuties Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes as leads Dave and John; genre fave Clancy Brown as a charismatic preacher/exorcist (he's so powerful, he can expel a demon over the phone); the often-used but rarely seen Doug Jones (Pan's Labyrinth; Hellboy); a cameo from Angus Scrimm (Phantasm's 'Tall Man') and loads of physical gross-outs and FX (plus an animated sequence that is both gross and hilarious) and you end up with a strange and often hilarious horror movie with two characters who deserve a sequel. *** (Three Out of Four Stars).

So, that was my Snow Day - some nostalgia; sleeping in; bad tattoos and a fun, weird horror movie I've been wanting to see that turned out to be actually pretty good. I may be too old for sledding and snow-forts, but you're never too old to appreciate a lazy day and then ramble on about it like anyone else really cares. 

Did you have a Snow Day today? What did you do or not do, today?

More, anon.
Prospero

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The Gayest Things You'll See This Week

Showtime's "Penny Dreadful"

After losing a massive (and, if I say so myself, really good) post about "American Horror Story: Coven" (how much do I love that Myrtle plays the theremin?)* thanks to a connectivity issue last week, I haven't really been all that inspired. But today I not only got caught up on AHS and it's insane, over-the-top season 3, I came across a couple of things I just had to mention and share.

First up (via) comes this Axe Body Spray parody which makes sure we all know that DADT is a thing of the past. And while the video below is purportedly a pro-Army shout out in the annual Army v Navy football game from 2008, it really doesn't get much gayer than this:

I can't believe that clip only has 19 thousand hits in 5 years.

And then (via) came this next clip; a teaser for Showtime's upcoming Not-The-League-of-Extraordinary-Gentleman show about literary characters banding together to fight evil, "Penny Dreadful" in which Broadway's original Spider-Man, Reeve Carney plays a decidedly bisexual Dorian Gray (I can only imagine that Oscar Wilde would be very pleased). See if you can spot the moment when Reeve gets licked:

For the first time in a long time, a Showtime series has gotten me hooked. "Shameless" hit me like a ton of bricks when I accidentally stumbled upon the marathon they ran the Sunday before the new season's premiere and I have become a huge fan. Let's see if they can hook me again (I'm guessing yes) with "Penny Dreadful." The show also stars Josh Hartnett; Timothy Dalton and Eva Green. Here are a couple more teasers:

Can't wait!

More, anon.
Prospero

*I'll have to talk about my obsession with the instrument and it's creator, sometime. It's a fascinating story that too few people know (as well as the subject of a musical in progress from yours truly).

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Netflix Revew: "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked"

I suppose a preface of sort is required here. For the past 10 years or so, my rock, K has spent Christmas Eve with Mom and myself. In a beautiful post on Facebook, K expressed how she was going to miss those weird and wonderful nights now that Mom was gone. And since I'll be at my sister's for Christmas Eve this year (something already passed by the time this post is published - how freaky is that?), I proposed that we have a Christmas Eve Eve with many of the traditions we've shared for so long. We were joined by our sweet, funny, weird, wonderful and adorable friend Michael for a lovely candle-lit night of good food, good drink and very good company. Honestly, everyone should be so lucky to have friends like mine - I love and thank them so much. 

Anyway... after dinner we decided to search Netflix for something to entertain us. K and Micheal searched through my personal list, which includes lots of movies only I (and a few of you... Pax...) would appreciate. And after an unabashedly intoxicated K had issues with the WiiMote, I took over, asking what they wanted to see. "Something funny!" they both said. So I went to the list of movies suggested because I'd watched Tucker and Dale vs Evil. I skipped along the menu until I hit upon a title that made me laugh and chose it, saying "If it sucks, we'll change it!" That title was Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. Starring "Castle" regular Molly Quinn as Gretel; the Twilight movies' Michael Welch as Hansel and a frighteningly over-surgeried and an almost unrecognizable Lara Flynn Boyle as a the immortal Bavarian-Nazi-Cannibal-Witch, Agnes who grows and sells enchanted dope to unsuspecting teens. Not surprisingly, the ingestion of those teens' flesh help both restore and maintain Agnes' youth.

Writer/Actor David Tillman's script is just clever enough to keep our interest, amusingly referencing  the story we all know and aided by costume designer Elizabeth Jett's very decidedly Tyrolean-inspired outfits for Ms Quinn. Add plenty of gross-out moments and hilarious puns (Agnes starts out as literally a 'Little Old Lady from Pasadena'), and Hansel & Gretel Get Baked ends up being a very funny modern take on the story via Cheech and Chong, where Skittles serve as breadcrumbs and hot young guys get slathered in herbed butter while strapped to a mortician's gurney. Cary Elwes makes a cameo as the Meter Man while a slew of other character actors you will recognize from every procedural TV show from the last 20 years crop up in other supporting roles.

Not everything works perfectly (Boyle's age makeups aren't quite convincing, though I suspect that may have more to do with her tragic cosmetic surgeries, than anything else). And some of the CGI FX (especially in the denouement) are a bit forced. But if you're looking for a funny, gory and gruesome distraction from all the Holiday nonsense you've been forced to endure in the past month or so, you could do certainly do worse than Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. I would definitely recommend it over the Big Studio crapfest that was Hansel &Gretel: Witch Hunters.

Screened at this year's Tribecca Film Festival, Hansel & Gretel Get Baked is currently available on Netflix and DVD. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out of Four Stars). Rated 'R' for Violence, Gore, Drug Use and Language, it was exactly what the three of us needed, even if K covered her eyes during the gory bits.

More, anon..
Prospero

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Retro Review: "The Innkeepers"

Thanks again to Netflix, I was able to enjoy yet another movie I've been reading about for several years: director Ti West's 2011 haunted hotel movie, The Innkeepers. I recently saw West's debut House of the Devil and found it a bit tedious, but the he has upped his game here, creating compelling characters we actually care about (it may have helped that the young lead reminded me of a very talented young actress I've had the pleasure of directing twice - Yes, Sarah, I mean you!). 

It is the last weekend for the soon-to-be-closed Yankee Pedlar Inn leaving Claire (Sarah Paxton) and Luke (Pat Healy) in charge. Luke is a wannabe paranormal investigator who swears he's encountered the hotel's ghost, a woman who supposedly committed suicide after being left at the alter. The only guests are a single woman with her young son and a former TV star turned psychic (Kelly McGillis). As Claire investigates the story of Madeline O'Malley and McGillis warns about going to the basement, the tension rises toward a truly scary ending. Taking cues from The Shining and even The Sentinel, West manages to create a modern ghost story with a kick, using a single location with a likeable and talented cast (which includes an hilarious turn from "Girls" creator, Lena Dunham). I can imagine Dear D squirming in his seat through this one. It certainly got my blood pumping, especially in the third act! *** (Three Out of Four Stars).

Fans of smart, tension-building horror should be quite pleased by The Innkeepers. Rated "R" by the MPAA for bloody images and language.

More, anon.
Prospero

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Retro Review: "The Bay"

Netflix is a wonder, y'all. Why didn't you tell me about it before? Now I know it's not your fault. I'm not the best at electronics and thankfully sis set up my Wii for me (after having for three years) and now I have the service that put Blockbuster out of business. And because I do, I have seen quite a few movies I'd been reading about but missed their first times around (House of the Devil; VHS - a few others). Tonight, Michael and I watched director Barry Levinson's (Diner; Rainman; Toys) take on the Found Footage Horror genre, The Bay.

Set up like a documentary expose, The Bay tells the tale of a small Maryland town which is hit with an outbreak of a devastating parasites on July Fourth, 2009. Anchored by the account of TV news intern (Kether Donahue) and footage supposedly pieced together from surveillance cameras; cell phone cameras; video recorders; police dash-cams and Skype sessions, Levinson's film is both an indictment of corporate malfeasance and ecological indifference, with plenty of gross-outs along the way. Amidst the the Independence Day celebrations, the people of a small Maryland town along the Chesapeake bay are suddenly struck down by rashes, boils and other horrific symptoms which soon overwhelm the local hospital's ER and have the CDC at a loss. 

Unlike most 'Found Footage' films, Levinson doesn't rely on only one or two cameras to tell his story (Michael Wallach's screenplay is based on Levinson's original story), but uses a variety of digital cameras to capture the horrific events, lending an air of veracity often missing from many such movies. The performances from the mostly unknown cast (particularly Stephen Kinken as the confounded but dedicated ER doctor) are effective while the special effects are often quite cringe-worthy (in a good way). Levinson is a truly hit-or-miss director (I'm one of the few who actually likes the underrated Robin Williams fantasy Toys) but I think I have to count The Bay among his hits. Smart, effective and perfectly plausible, The Bay is almost reminiscent of The Ruins in its simple concept and execution. **1/2 (Two and a Half Stars Out of Four)

More, anon.
Prospero

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