Netflix Revew: "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked"

I suppose a preface of sort is required here. For the past 10 years or so, my rock, K has spent Christmas Eve with Mom and myself. In a beautiful post on Facebook, K expressed how she was going to miss those weird and wonderful nights now that Mom was gone. And since I'll be at my sister's for Christmas Eve this year (something already passed by the time this post is published - how freaky is that?), I proposed that we have a Christmas Eve Eve with many of the traditions we've shared for so long. We were joined by our sweet, funny, weird, wonderful and adorable friend Michael for a lovely candle-lit night of good food, good drink and very good company. Honestly, everyone should be so lucky to have friends like mine - I love and thank them so much. 

Anyway... after dinner we decided to search Netflix for something to entertain us. K and Micheal searched through my personal list, which includes lots of movies only I (and a few of you... Pax...) would appreciate. And after an unabashedly intoxicated K had issues with the WiiMote, I took over, asking what they wanted to see. "Something funny!" they both said. So I went to the list of movies suggested because I'd watched Tucker and Dale vs Evil. I skipped along the menu until I hit upon a title that made me laugh and chose it, saying "If it sucks, we'll change it!" That title was Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. Starring "Castle" regular Molly Quinn as Gretel; the Twilight movies' Michael Welch as Hansel and a frighteningly over-surgeried and an almost unrecognizable Lara Flynn Boyle as a the immortal Bavarian-Nazi-Cannibal-Witch, Agnes who grows and sells enchanted dope to unsuspecting teens. Not surprisingly, the ingestion of those teens' flesh help both restore and maintain Agnes' youth.

Writer/Actor David Tillman's script is just clever enough to keep our interest, amusingly referencing  the story we all know and aided by costume designer Elizabeth Jett's very decidedly Tyrolean-inspired outfits for Ms Quinn. Add plenty of gross-out moments and hilarious puns (Agnes starts out as literally a 'Little Old Lady from Pasadena'), and Hansel & Gretel Get Baked ends up being a very funny modern take on the story via Cheech and Chong, where Skittles serve as breadcrumbs and hot young guys get slathered in herbed butter while strapped to a mortician's gurney. Cary Elwes makes a cameo as the Meter Man while a slew of other character actors you will recognize from every procedural TV show from the last 20 years crop up in other supporting roles.

Not everything works perfectly (Boyle's age makeups aren't quite convincing, though I suspect that may have more to do with her tragic cosmetic surgeries, than anything else). And some of the CGI FX (especially in the denouement) are a bit forced. But if you're looking for a funny, gory and gruesome distraction from all the Holiday nonsense you've been forced to endure in the past month or so, you could do certainly do worse than Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. I would definitely recommend it over the Big Studio crapfest that was Hansel &Gretel: Witch Hunters.

Screened at this year's Tribecca Film Festival, Hansel & Gretel Get Baked is currently available on Netflix and DVD. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out of Four Stars). Rated 'R' for Violence, Gore, Drug Use and Language, it was exactly what the three of us needed, even if K covered her eyes during the gory bits.

More, anon..
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Indie Horrors I Can't Wait to See

Bad Milo

Okay - back to the usual nonsense, eh? There are two indie horror movies (via) coming out soon (one a comedy, the other decidedly not a comedy) that Uncle P is pumped to see.

The first is Bad Milo from director and co-writer Jacob Vaughn. Ken Marino (about to be seen in the stoner comedy We're the Millers) plays Ken, a guy who thinks his stomach problems are caused by stress. Unfortunately, it turns out that Ken has a demon living in his intestines. A demon who is intent on killing the people causing Ken's stress. The amazing cast includes Patrick Warburton ("The Tick;" "Family Guy;" "Rules of Engagement"); Peter Stormare (Fargo; The Brothers Grimm; "Prison Break"); Gillian Jacobs ("Community"); Stephen Root ("News Radio;" O Brother Where Art Thou; "Boardwalk Empire") and Mary Kay Place ("Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman;" The Big Chill; "Big Love"). Talk about a dream cast! Bad Milo is certainly not a movie for everyone, but it is right up Uncle P's alley (you should excuse the expression) and I especially love the use of practical effects, harkening bad to the days of 80's indie horror movies like Basket Case. Here's the NSFW Red Band trailer:

Bad Milo will be available OnDemand starting August 29th and in limited release in theaters on October 4th. Bad Milo is being released by Magnet Films, the same company that gave us the sentient tire movie, Rubber.

Meanwhile, premiering at the Toronto Independent Film Festival, September 5th through the 14th,  Almost Human will almost certainly provide fewer laughs than Bad Milo. 

Mark (Josh Ethier) disappears into a bright light. Two years later, a string of grisly murders convinces his friend Seth (Graham Skipper) that Mark has come back, albeit with something... not quite right inside him. Shot in New Hampshire with a cast of unknowns, the trailer for Almost Human looks like it might be the trailer for the next "X-Files" movie as made by Sean S. Cunningham:

No U.S. release date has been announced for Almost Human, but I'll be sure to let you know when it is.

More, anon.
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Review -- 5 For & 5 Against: "This Is the End"

This Is the End, Featuring Everyone

If you read my pity party post last weekend, then you you'll be glad to know that yes, I am over it. Part of that has to do with not only how quickly the work week seemed to go despite how slow we are, right now (Oh, don't worry - this is our regular slow season; this particular NPO isn't going away any time soon). And while I did just as much yard work (if not more) today as I did last weekend, I also got to actually see a Summer movie that was on my list, and spend some time with my friend, Mike. Again, the movie's been out for a week and a half, the big reviews are out and any spoilers I might spoil have already been leaked (though I promise to alert you to them as always).

While there have been movies about the End of the World for almost as long as there have been movies, it seems to me that comedies about the End are few and far between. Last year's Seeking a Friend for the End of the World was less than hilarious, though 2009's Zombieland was very much so. Kubrick's comedic genius is quite evident in 1964's Dr. Strangelove and Roman Polanski's 1967 horror-comedy The Fearless Vampire Killers does end with the vampires taking over the world. Then there's Ivan Reitman's 2001 alien invasion comedy Evolution. Basically a Sci-Fi re-hash of Ghostbusters and a massive fail, Evolution  could have been so much better than it was, though I don't know of anyone who remembers seeing this movie, but me and my friend Laura. So that's five off the top of my head... if I'm missing any, please let me know.

Based on an NSFW short film/faux trailer made by stars Seth Rogan (doing his best MacCauley Caulkin in the photo above) and Jay Baruchel called Jay and Seth vs. The Apocalypse (see it here - again, NSFW), This Is the End is an End-of-the-World Stoner Comedy featuring every young(ish) comedy star working today, playing and parodying themselves. James Franco; Jonah Hill; Danny McBride; Craig Roberston; Michael Cera; Emma Watson; Mindy Kaling; Christopher Mintz-Plasse; Paul Rudd; Aziz Ansari and the Backstreet Boys make up just some of the dozens of celebrities who find themselves facing an apparently Biblical Apocalypse, complete with the Rapture. Mike and I both liked This Is the End, though he more than me. Here are my 5 For and 5 Against, this time starting with 5 Against:

5 Against:

5. Danny McBride remains as annoying as he always is in every thing I've ever seen him in. And while the movie is constructed to make us hate him, I always hate him. He's rarely, if ever, funny.

4. The movie's second act, despite including an hysterically bad home-made sequel to Pineapple Express, drags a bit. Co-directed by Rogan and Evan Goldberg (Superbad; The Green Hornet), the two just don't seem to know when a joke has run out of steam.

3. SPOILER (highlight to view) -  Urine drinking! Ugh!

2. Again, why include jokes/scenes/visuals in the trailer which don't end up on screen? 

1. While giving some memorable performances, Aziz Ansari and Paul Rudd are terribly under-used. Especially Paul Rudd, who is never even given the chance to be naked. Paul Rudd should be naked at least once in every movie in which he appears (though is seems like he usually is). I know that at my sweet (and quite unsane like me) Mia would agree. Admit it... you do, too. Oh, Paul...

5 For:

5. The well-executed, occasionally cringe-worthy and quite often hilarious CGI.

4. Well-used isual and dialog references from Ghostbusters; Left Behind; The Exorcist; Jurassic Park; Rosemary's Baby and probably dozens more apocalyptic movies.

3. Rhianna gets swallowed into the Abyss.

2. SPOILER (highlight to view) -  Heaven Has Roller Coasters!!!

1. Michael Cera, delivering the movie's funniest performance as what is essentially the 'Anti-Cera.' The scene where Baruchel walks in on Cera in Franco's bathroom is the most uncomfortable belly-laugh you can imagine. And it just gets more hysterically offensive as it progresses.

The very 'Hard R' rated comedy is probably the funniest comedy I've seen in a while. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out of Four Stars). This Is the End is rated 'R' for Apocalyptic Violence; Gore; Language; Sexual Situations; Male Genitalia; Drug Use and Gross-Out Humor. 

And once again, as with the last movie I saw with Mike, there was an very inappropriately aged child brought in by (presumably) his parents. What the...?!?! Have fun explaining all the sexual references the adults found funny to your 9-year old and telling him not to use profanity, a-holes. Then call Family Services and relinquish your parental rights, because you are horrible parents.

More, anon.
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Retro Review: "ParaNorman"

Norman is a boy who can talk to the dead. His parents are worried and most of the other kids at school make fun of him because they don't believe him but his dead Grandmother and all the dead people in the town of Blithe Hollow know better. After being befriended by the equally picked-on (for being fat)  Neil, Norman is visited by his Uncle and charged with stopping the 300 year old curse of the Blithe Hollow Witch (who's story apparently drives the town's tourist trade). Eventually joined by Neil; Neil's older brother Mitch and his own older sister Courtney, Norman discovers the truth about the witch and how to keep her from destroying the town for good.

This often hilarious stop-motion movie takes on horror movie tropes with glee, and directors Chris Butler (who wrote the screenplay) and Sam Fell (Flushed Away) do their best to make sure their actual message is front and center. On the surface, ParaNorman is a comedic horror story about ghosts and zombies but at heart, it's an anti-bullying tale which focuses on discovering one's own self-worth while breaking down stereotypes in often surprising ways.

The film's voice cast, which includes Kodi-Smit Mcphee (Let Me In); Anna Kendrick (Pitch Prefect); Casey Affleck; Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad); Leslie Mann (Knocked Up); Broadway legend Elaine Stritch; the highly underrated Jodelle Ferland; Tempestt Bledsoe; Alex Borstein ("Family Guy") and John Goodman is just terrific. While I personally didn't care for most of the character designs (the super-exaggerated faces and bodies of many of the characters were somehow off-putting - though I must admit to loving the climax's version of the 'witch'), the movie's central themes and decidedly dark humor more than made up for this minor flaw. And (SPOILER ALERT) it was amazing to see the first animated family film to feature an openly gay character, even if we don't find out he's gay until the end.

If you missed it in the theater this past Halloween, I highly recommend you see it OnDemand or DVD. It's certainly entertaining while delivering an important message of tolerance on many levels. *** (Three Out of Four Stars). 

ParaNorman is rated PG and currently available OnDemand and on DVD and BluRay.

More, anon.
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A Particularly Twisted Bit of Genius: "Hambuster"

Hambuster

Before we get to tonight's "Main Event" (as it were), there's a new interview out with the brilliant genre director Guillermo del Toro, who is currently in the middle of his upcoming Kaiju Aliens Vs. Giant Robots movie, Pacific Rim. In it, he talks about yet another of my obsessions, the film's score. Composed by Ramin Djwadi (Ironman; "Game of Thrones"), del Toro practically gushes about the score. He also talks about expensive collectibles that I can't afford. You can see the interview here at Collider (via). Personally, I can't wait to see del Toro's version of a kaiju. I'm sure, given that his adaptation of In the Mountains of Madness was kiboshed., the gigantic beasties will be an homage to Lovecraft. Del Toro's is also working on the reboot of Disney's The Haunted Mansion. The 2003 Eddie Murphy movie is completely forgettable twaddle (much like every other Eddy Murphy movie since the first Nutty Professor - and that's being kind). A draft has been submitted, which the director says the studio loved, but he's too busy with Pac-Rim at the moment and IMDb is reporting he has  Pinocchio in pre-production and has announced Hellboy 3, so who knows when or if we'll ever see Disney de Del Toro.

Now that I've bored you all silly, onto the (you should excuse the expression) "meat of the matter" (you'll get that terrible joke in a couple of minutes).  My lovely theatre friend and fellow Humanist, Diana G. posted the video I am about to share on my Facebook Timeline with the comment: "Thought you might enjoy this." Hambuster could mean anything, especially when I saw the YouTube still of a baby on playground horsie. After I watched it, I commented: "J'adore! J'adore! What a particularly twisted bit of genius! Thank you!" And now I have no choice but to share it's deliciousness with you, dear readers. Ladies and germs, the funniest comment on carnivorous activity I've seen in a very long time - I give you Hambuster:

What do you think - Supersize Me meets Little Shop of Horrors via Dawn of the Dead? It doesn't matter, because it's just effing hilarious! Crap! I had to give up Chick-hates-Gays and now I have to give up burgers, too? Damnit! Good thing there's a great Italian/Pizza place and an amazing Chinese place, both within 5 minutes of my house.

Diana, who has been on the Foley crew for both of the JTMF staged radio plays, once commented on some bizarre* Facebook profile picture I had posted with something like: "Can't you ever post a nice profile picture like a kitty or a puppy or something? Of course you can't! And that's why we love you!" For someone I see only a few times a year (which must be remedied), Di knows me so well. 

*Bizarre? Me? Of course, you damned well know that 99% of my Facebook profile pictures are bizarre. And speaking of which, watch for a new Caliban's Revenge profile pic of Uncle P, soon. I'm still choosing from a number of possibilities. 

More, anon.
Prospero

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